Monday, February 15

1000th post

some pics from my travels in sri rangam last year with hari, saravana and padhu. full gallery @flickr [ghost flickr]

ill start with paying tribute to the many fine souls who have taken this long 5 year journey with me. there was a moment in time this was a group blog. i have to thank vinitha and brian (wherever you are) for taking this ride and inspiring me. not forgetting the 2050 blog, which im still having hope of reviving some day. that was a fun ride and was from a moment everyone had a vision to share towards the future.

lets do something new for a change, lets walk the footsteps of others. we can make a difference.

//if my regular readers or anyone has something to share, please post the comments and leave a note that you want to be part of this running post. ill update it into the post. thank you.

from sungai petani to silicon valley

ill be honest here. i've always felt this 'career' im in as a fluke. the same way i felt starting my postgraduate studies. a life of flukes. of stumbling upon?

i was chatting with my savior, mentor and recently convinced 'my quantum entangled twin' in a faraway land, Fred Lessing. he said i had this coming. we all had this coming. its something we wished for. to break the chains, is to go back to a stage in life in the Past and plan of this future you are living in. in short, you are time traveling all the time. is this stumbling upon...or a fluke?

just as india happening, america was a tall mountain i wanted to climb. in another history if I had the spirit to wade through my postgraduate studies i wanted to be a proper scientist there. but future histories are not so kind. one endeavor lost, opened windows to new pages in the book of careers.

from sungai petani to...a dream come true.

there must be hundreds of hardworking souls from this town i call 'the center of the universe' to work in silicon valley. but in my world this has been an amazing journey I had in a short couple years of doing what im doing now. me walking foreign lands is the greatest tribute i could give to the people who trusted in me. my capabilities and my results are from backbreaking work. in the chapters of my life that i lost so many other people with my blunt answers for their parents hopes and dreams too, i found a few good ones who actually saw something i had in me which could make a difference. i am defined these days as i should have always been. i had this coming. patience was another name for it.

let this great adventure be a tribute to everyone who had know me all this years. who had crossed paths with me. particularly my guides and friends and the ones who in all the troubles of present day economics still see a way to accommodate my services.

its a border-less world today, tomorrow it will be a single world. tomorrow the struggles to travel will be much less than yesterday. and from yesterday i am going to repeat this stories tomorrow of how a lost soul made it to one of the great epitomes of modern culture because through some leap forward he managed to get rid of his fear. it will be hard to make most understand, but it has not been easy being under-equipped yet being able to do something. for those who understands, thank you.

i owe it to you world.

//a few things to remember of achieving dreams, give yourself the credit that was meant to be. you deserve every bit of it. let the whole world look away, look down, you are still the winner. you are the master of this history you are building!

india, of why

india was a dream. and i achieved it in 2008. the memories of past lives, the staggering history of ancient civilizations, of beautiful colors and sounds. having lived nearly 3 decades with movies and stories of india, probably my future history itself could not bear to hold my urges anymore. india was a dream come true. it was a personal achievement of breaking boundaries and setting out into a new stage in life. of coming out of cowardliness and climbing a mountain there never was. it is a world which i have set apart so far away across the sea thinking I would never reach it ever in my lifetime. but the moment the plane landed and the familiarity of having 'been there in the motherland' sweeps in you know you are home, at last.

how or why india happened was not so easy to describe...ill try to put it in words.

back in school i started writing a story called 'india, an epic journey by a traveler never been there'*. it was part of my '50 things to do before i die' list. so this dream, like the story, sort of sparkled, fleeting in and out of existence as the years flew by (a good 5 years!). i wrote to about 20 pages and made my roommate at uni read from the withering paper of my 'epic' journey as i told him of my dreams. made him all teary when i said im going to set foot in the motherland to travel or to die. the masterpiece crumbled away into distant memory in one of the many shoeboxes hiding my stories. but i stuck with the idea, the principle of it. if i ever to get a passport to set foot on another political border, its going to be india.

2008 saw some of the worst moments in my life. depression over the years has reached unbearable proportions. and migraine and insomnia drove me crazy. each day was like a jail sentence for murder, waiting in fear and in wanting of the electric chair. towards mid year i was averaging 2 to 3 hours of sleep a day and going days without sleep sometimes. suffering from bad back pains, fingers going numb and sometimes in tears as i rushed to meet deadlines, my mind was working as if it was programmed for a servant robot. constantly crying and dismissing one by one people in my life. isolation and darkness gave me solace.

there is another chapter in this which happened unknowingly. while i will never regret going through it, it still fleets as something stupid that i have done during that time. probably a great loss in life is an opening for a great find.

i gathered my courage and much of whatever is left of my sanity and made a decision that india must happen now. for good or for worst i must leave and reach there for whatever life wants has in store of me. took a piece of paper and wrote 27th september on it. the day ill go to india (which thinking of it now sounds funny because i had no passport, no visa dont know an inkling of something called 'booking a ticket'!). i had 20 days to plan and fly. it all ended up happening in 10 days since i at many times tried to talk myself out of it...even after getting the visa and ticket! during this stage i had good friends encouraging me. still could not forget the day i picked up this laptop and my dslr with velan. the guy was more confused than me on what i was doing but he did not stop discourage me. my parents and family got the worst deal, a blunt sentence...' im going to india and i wont be back anytime soon'.

and so this reluctant wanderer made up his mind and went to the 'his cradle of civilization'. and how india went was already written somewhere in this blog and other minds. ill do a proper recap sometime later.

*i wrote a lot back in school, thanks to an amazing English teacher i had. he encouraged me a lot. and yes, most of my personal titles had 'epic' in it :P

//how much 'epic' is epic enough for life to unfold?

starscapes, coastal trains and dreams

if life were to be defined by the many times you break down, drift lost in specific coastal domains where sunsets don't live, yet wake up another day to live it all again. to wake up.

if, in a life such as them, sprinkled random we have the enigmatic starscapes guiding us with Orion's triplets themself so that we are not lost in such dreams throwing us into faraway timescapes. these are dreams.

it is a life worth living. let all life be written in such words. let it be my life.

ive had this recurring dream during my childhood which made up a major part of the very few memories i have of my early years on this earth. its of this beautiful vista of a huge coast line with sail boats and ships. and in one image is a train snaking its way along the coastline and there i was immersed and overwhelmed by the whole thing, gawking at it from the veranda of my house. every time i had this dream i live through an euphoric state growing intense each time. a little kid lost in his own world. was it a vision of the future?

now, i am from this small town in the north of peninsular malaysia...the coastline being an hour away, let alone having trains along the shore. and sail boats and ships? then came my first experience on the penang ferry sometime in 1984 (i can still remember the year because the penang bridge was under its final stage of construction and was only opened in 1985. and while crossing the small straits from butterworth to the island, the bridge was visible in a distance with its tall beautiful spires and cables and unconnected in the middle). the imagery from childhood shapes an important part of the human mind.

the next decade were full of lucid dreams of starscapes and rocket ships. the deluge of tv programs and thank god for such a cool grandpa, god bless his soul wherever he is right now, my life is blessed with everything i wanted to watch. the mind was shaped and incidental findings (with the internet to verify :P ) build a stronger interest in tomorrows.

so this sailboats and coastlines....i saw them last year in san francisco and while taking the coast starlight from la to san jose. was stumped throughout the train journey actually thinking of all this. even the coach master was surprised of my silence...the wide eyed wanderer. i told her i ticked off a few items from my bucket list and well this is/was a dream come true.

and to put this post into perspectives, as i near my 1000th and landmark post in this blog, i wanted to say that life is indeed about the unknown. about the chances taken that breaks open new paths and of days broken and battered that made tomorrows seems all beautiful and never too late. life is about that little sunshine in the morning, the blessing of wind-scapes in the evenings and unending starscapes at nights.

//a celebration of the human spirit.


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny