what mondays? when you haven't even had a weekend. am i a bad planner, or am i taking in too much? will a sabbatical hurt my business, do freelancers take sabbaticals? too many questions. boils down to the loyalty of the client, and our smart planning.
managed to persuade myself to write down the ideas. now hoping to put this into action, waiting for January, waiting to see what the new year brings. waiting for the full brunt of machine translation, waiting for money, waiting to see what it all means. waiting to see if i over-lived my dreams, waiting to see if i went too fast, waiting to see you.
on a another note, i can just quit this all and pursue photography and writing. that's for another day to decide. in January.
alot of thing doest make sense now, alot more lost along the way. days and nights doesn't turn a difference, the sun and the moon, eyes unblinking. feet wandering the streets, streets meandering cold lands. the feeling of being lost, more now than ever, consumes the soul left open in search of divinity. disguised, the wounded heart walks along, in fever, in reverie of ancient lands. he wants, it wants the souls of the dead.
of the many walks, some trespassed into their realm, angered they invaded him. hallucinating visions, the sights and sound of thousands of years lived in a second. i am not unique, heard from the cry into the night, somewhere along the 10,000 mile road. from villages to cities, light after light, the sunrise hidden, but awakening cities mesmerize. they smile, walk and dance all in their own majestic world.
drowning, from river to lakes to sea. from all corners of the earth, stories alive. in this immortal land, you stood spinning along the axis of the orbiting ga…
they are not wanderers. they built giant rivers through time. so we hired a boat and paddled along the infinity shore. on the river bank, faces of desolate souls. waking up from their burning pyres. tired eyes watching along the path of no return. many worlds, we see them from sunrise to darkness. nights littered with zero machines, emitting light from an unknown source of energy. as they twinkle from life to death, controlled by some force, we see them taking form. they are humans liberated from this tragedy.
when life has walked past. and days become meaningless voids, no mirror can reflect. even time regrets not stopping. just for a moment and giving this universe a chance of survival.
when you are beyond, and above everything, one with your world. you are there, where each smile, touch and love is pain.
of your evil play. among all this 'sciences' and all the non-belief i have on this system, i know what you capable of. i know you succeeded in crushing me many times, i know of your evil. but trust me on this, you will not win this war. with escalation of anger, sadism and emotions you are leaving deep scars that wont heal. it will reflect back on you. i will prevail.
when you realize people in the trade has no similar passion or a sense of responsibility as you do, the only thing left is to outlast them. like rotting, withering leaves from trees they will fall one by one and you will be left with your grand achievement - your experience. that matters most than anything else.
Wrote this nearly two years ago and it still holds true. Sad that humanity never matured beyond their heads.
"The benefit of being youths living in a lawless world is that, when we see a door... we can kick it open or break it down. But is there still a risk of people saying that we are irresponsible? When we are just trying to open the doors to opportunity, in a society trying to cement such doors shut."
For the meaning, of being rebels is to break out of the mold. Youths in a lawless world are youths in a borderless society. The opportunity is what we have already created and stored behinds doors. The journey defines character.
[update] some pics from my travels in sri rangam last year with hari, saravana and padhu. full gallery @flickr [ghost flickr]
ill start with paying tribute to the many fine souls who have taken this long 5 year journey with me. there was a moment in time this was a group blog. i have to thank vinitha and brian (wherever you are) for taking this ride and inspiring me. not forgetting the 2050 blog, which im still having hope of reviving some day. that was a fun ride and was from a moment everyone had a vision to share towards the future.
lets do something new for a change, lets walk the footsteps of others. we can make a difference.
//if my regular readers or anyone has something to share, please post the comments and leave a note that you want to be part of this running post. ill update it into the post. thank you.
ill be honest here. i've always felt this 'career' im in as a fluke. the same way i felt starting my postgraduate studies. a life of flukes. of stumbling upon?
i was chatting with my savior, mentor and recently convinced 'my quantum entangled twin' in a faraway land, Fred Lessing. he said i had this coming. we all had this coming. its something we wished for. to break the chains, is to go back to a stage in life in the Past and plan of this future you are living in. in short, you are time traveling all the time. is this stumbling upon...or a fluke?
just as india happening, america was a tall mountain i wanted to climb. in another history if I had the spirit to wade through my postgraduate studies i wanted to be a proper scientist there. but future histories are not so kind. one endeavor lost, opened windows to new pages in the book of careers.
from sungai petani to...a dream come true.
there must be hundreds of hardworking souls from this town i call 'the center of…
india was a dream. and i achieved it in 2008. the memories of past lives, the staggering history of ancient civilizations, of beautiful colors and sounds. having lived nearly 3 decades with movies and stories of india, probably my future history itself could not bear to hold my urges anymore. india was a dream come true. it was a personal achievement of breaking boundaries and setting out into a new stage in life. of coming out of cowardliness and climbing a mountain there never was. it is a world which i have set apart so far away across the sea thinking I would never reach it ever in my lifetime. but the moment the plane landed and the familiarity of having 'been there in the motherland' sweeps in you know you are home, at last.
how or why india happened was not so easy to describe...ill try to put it in words.
back in school i started writing a story called 'india, an epic journey by a traveler never been there'*. it was part of my '50 things to do before i die…
if life were to be defined by the many times you break down, drift lost in specific coastal domains where sunsets don't live, yet wake up another day to live it all again. to wake up.
if, in a life such as them, sprinkled random we have the enigmatic starscapes guiding us with Orion's triplets themself so that we are not lost in such dreams throwing us into faraway timescapes. these are dreams.
it is a life worth living. let all life be written in such words. let it be my life.
ive had this recurring dream during my childhood which made up a major part of the very few memories i have of my early years on this earth. its of this beautiful vista of a huge coast line with sail boats and ships. and in one image is a train snaking its way along the coastline and there i was immersed and overwhelmed by the whole thing, gawking at it from the veranda of my house. every time i had this dream i live through an euphoric state growing intense each time. a little kid lost in his own world. …
i was trying to attribute his words to where i stand in his life. some strange force brought us together, i was taking it as a mission to save people. to show others the proper way forward. we did all we can for the ones close to us. but in my mind, there is always him to save. its the urgency of life. there is an idea, the will and resources but there are no doors to reach. no even vague signals. this is a recent thing, this feeling of emptiness. its coming early in my 4th decade of life.
as i see it, i didn't have to find him. but i did. and all of us tried something to make his pain lesser. and he said today, we think the same thing and we want to do the same to everyone else. he works beyond his pain for others. but his life now is measured. i dont think him leaving will be a peaceful departure. it will always appear in my mind as a failure even when there are thousands out there with the same ailment who have been saved and are living beyond their time. whats worst is imaginin…
totally forgot, its supposed to be dark resolutions!
(1) fight club. i think its going to be the year I finally send invitation letters to my enemies and start a fight club...where I bash them up. you know who you are! im going to beat the crap out of you, then tie you down till you are nearly dead and then pour salt water on your wounds. then let you live for another year. then ill restart it all over.
(2) street racing. Im up to this, i just need to make sure I dont kill anyone. and i want to do this without using brakes.
(3) build a giant rocket shooting firework. ive had this in my list for ages, i think this time I can afford it. and tie the damn thing on top of Indrans' car and ride through town shooting rockets. middle east hell yea!
(4) monthly booze motivation holiday trips. its langkawi and a bunch of indian guys willing do put their livers on the line of fire. its the ultimate cocktail swingers in action. its the great gp drunkfest!!! the january theme is bombay sap…