i was trying to attribute his words to where i stand in his life. some strange force brought us together, i was taking it as a mission to save people. to show others the proper way forward. we did all we can for the ones close to us. but in my mind, there is always him to save. its the urgency of life. there is an idea, the will and resources but there are no doors to reach. no even vague signals. this is a recent thing, this feeling of emptiness. its coming early in my 4th decade of life.
as i see it, i didn't have to find him. but i did. and all of us tried something to make his pain lesser. and he said today, we think the same thing and we want to do the same to everyone else. he works beyond his pain for others. but his life now is measured. i dont think him leaving will be a peaceful departure. it will always appear in my mind as a failure even when there are thousands out there with the same ailment who have been saved and are living beyond their time. whats worst is imagining the ones he loves. whats worst is the ones depending on him for guidance.
//the emptiness of departure