Friday, January 9

too many endings

The move took a lot of time. I hoped, when we made the decision to get out of this apartment and town for good last year to make it happen over a weekend. But it took a good 4 months to come to this day. So many things happened in that time, from a soul tired and dead to the sudden jump into high gear, to the passport-visa-ticket-India in 10 days, to coming back and then now returning to Chennai next week. All seems surreal, who said life is not like movies :) Things do happen. After 6 years at this place, we are finally moving out. One cant even start to imagine renting for that long at one place, but we did.

This town and apartment brings so much memories. If for the first two decades of my life, I was on the roller coaster ride at home, growing up, growing sane, the last decade was spent away from home gradually sinking into insanity. Some facts of life, not every life will end up sweet and good, not all journeys will be smooth sailing. University, work, post graduate research and back to work, and that's not even a fraction of my life here. But this apartment and crazy town adds the soul and life to it. Some strange power told me not to return home when I graduated back in 2002 and I know now I made the right decision. I would have never matured into better directions, nor would I learned of the true nature of humans back at my hometown. So that's how the now legendary 6 years of my life began.

This four walls witnessed the rise and downfall of my bid for a tiny glory in science, how my love for space and physics blossomed and then withered. I regretted all that for months and years, and then during the latter years I realized how good it was to go through it early on. The failures, if it never happened would never have made me appreciate the opportunities around me. And again, I would not have met the right people if not for the misery and subsequent struggle to find salvation on the Internet. Fate or destiny or plain luck, who knows. It feels good now knowing I have battle scars. That's life's lessons one wont forget and are more than willing to part for a better future.

And the doors to this shelter for the past 6 years saw countless characters walk in and out. This place served as a halfway home for many dozens and many of those faces that I never saw again. Life flourished here, helped many and opened many hearts. We never said no, we never turned people back. Every week, weekend and holidays we would spend time to entertain travelers from back home on their jumps, on their ways interviews and job placements, students and travelers lost maybe but many among them who have found solutions by the time they left. And amazingly, all this without the knowledge of my good landlord, god bless their fine souls. I just wish sometimes, that at moments they too reflect and remember what good this place did for them. It is a special place, whether they realize it or not, something magical they went through in life. And I always thank for the days when I meet one of the travelers from the past who stop for a chat and ask how the place is.

Not forgetting my housemate. Its not a secret that I hated him, but I guess I just wanted him to follow my way. I did not think whether it might suit him or not, but I always wanted the best to happen for him. I'm glad in the past year he realized what it is. And I forgave him and asked his forgiveness from everything when he called me in India one day and made me shed a few tears. He is a brother, travelers who are part of our life. I held to this from early on. And that's why you want to protect them from some cruel realities of life and not to fall into stupid mistakes that you have barely escaped alive. I guess in many negatives, many battles both of us learned a lot of things. There are some best qualities in him that makes him stand out higher than many of the so called friends I have over here and I told him that those will take him far in life. Today he told me he wont ever consider going back to the hometown too, knowing the future there is bleak as ever. He is independent, he lives his life listening to his own rationale. 6 years, and the struggle paid of. If I did not influence him for the better, then God did. Thank you for that, and wish him a good journey ahead.

So in less that 24 hours, I hand over the keys and ride down the hills and back home. One last night, the last silent wind from the hills. There are too many endings in life. I would have settled for less tiring and less soul draining ones, hell if I could pay for it I would! :D But again, who cares of endings when thinking back you had thousands of days of exhilarating joy and sadness, the true extremes of life. I will surely miss the days I just switched off the lights to reflect and travel the universe. Now, for a while at least, I would want to see what life in the crowded part of the city will be. And this time I know, if I don't like it, I can always end it and just!

Good bye Kajang, the town I found life, and my true self. I turn 30 this year, and may this one end open doors to places that doesn't even exist in my dreams. That way I hope to really feel this world many more times :)


Nachi said...


just go play that silly game i told you about. one last insane crazy memory for the apartment...

Life is more than the four walls, but at the end of the day still lived within it!

...Good Luck with the move. if its any consolation, the new place apparently is awesome!


Kavi said...

Every ending, is a new beginning. If you keep your eyes in the present and absorb every new whiff that the new apartment and the lifestyle give you...i am sure there is something new happening !!

And life flourishes everywhere GP. Different lives that is..!!


vesperinlimbo said...

I think you should think of this as "many new beginnings"...

Good luck with the changes! All the best!

d gypsy! said...

gud luck with the move

and smile :)

Nahuatl said...

All the best.
Welcome to chaos! :P

Arv said...

Life has its own mysterious ways... lets all be honest, no matter how much we cuss abt it, we like it... LOL... take care mate.. cheers...

Ghost Particle said...

[nachi] bro...ok i i dont my cache already man...sigh...duty free here i come! :D

[kavi] i hope all goes well sir, im drifting again i know it...but not far from the purpose...just that being busy keeps me alive now. its kinda a cycle, a good one. we must make this happen :) thank you.

[kristen] many new beginnings indeed :) thank you kristen, and hope you get a good new place too :)

[neha] thank you neha...and yes i am smiling...hope to be all this year :D

[nayan] thanks bro...i chaos we must find organization :P

[arv] hehehe...we do like life dont we...thats a nice way to put it bro. thank you...and hope to meet you soon.

Jeevan said...

First, all the best for the move :) Bro u was stayed within walls, but u was connected throughout universe! The conclusion here with ur housemate tells your heart and wishes for him, so nice of u and great. To think past it seems to be worth and gesture with tears, to think sometime how much we lost to gain. Hugs. Have a peaceful shift.

Miladysa said...

This post will go down as one of my favourites!

I can feel the excitment and am happy for you! Good luck with the move :D

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life!

Ghost Particle said...

[jeevan] thank you nanba, i feel happy now that all ended well and like what our friends said above...all is beginning well too :)

[milady] thank you Milady, glad that you liked it. the move went well, just that im back home now for another short trip to India :) the first day for the rest of my life, now that is so nice :) hugs.

yeskarthi said...

Moving. Thanks for sharing the life lesson. Remember failing early is failing safe.


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny