Wednesday, July 30

Wolves At Our Doors / Nights and Hope

Another beautiful evening, from the balcony, to the horizon slowly being shredded by darkness. Just a year ago I hated daylight to the point of closing shut the doors and windows during the day. I feel alive at night, I could just feel the flow of matter at nights. There was a world I built out of nights, or darkness, of people living their moments. At nights most of my worries seems to disappear. I still wonder where this floating world is, which star it orbits during my days. On some nights it comes, less often now. I have released it to the universe. It floats on its own will. Strange dreams in real worlds.

In those moments in that world, from the many doors of the glass houses came sounds of invisible creatures. None so enigmatic that the magnificent Wolf. With it's ruby red eyes reflected from incandescence lining the streets, from behind the trees it lives its own destiny. It's eyes scan the landscapes, dreamscapes or playing children. Wolves are creatures of the night. It's part of our fears, and for some it's our bravery. How it lurks, and plans it's tomorrows are all interconnected with our lives. It's just a small part of the night world, sweeping nightscapes are filled with many eccentrics, many people, traveling circuses, nomads and gods.

This particular creature of night, defining our horrors and worst fears. Why does it exists? In all our lives, we try hard to erase the memories of fear. But we fail to erase the people who bring fear. In the days and years of our age, we are broken apart a bone at a time, decapitated and left to rot on the dreamscapes. Yes, those are the real dreams we live in our world because we let people take over our world. The emotional traps we walk in to. We fail to see the solutions because even those are hidden from us, hidden by the poison that erases our sane mind.

Want to see the solutions? The solution is simple. Just look at the fighters, the others who talk to you not of their happy days, but of what they do in life. What they really do and how they do it. Listen and hear of real people who dont have to hide their faces. Brave people who take life as it comes, a day at a time. Who have been through hell and can still smile but doesnt go around branding it, brandishing it and selling it. Who doesnt hurt you. They make look to not respond much in normal conversations, but you can ask. Ask them how they make it happen. The words will definitely change you life.

Remember again, you dont owe anything to anyone. You just do it and make it happen. There will be returns you cant ever imagine because you dont hope for anything in return. And talk to the right people. Take time, sit on the park bench and look out. Dont drag your past with you this time, just sit, sip your drink and look at the sky and then the city and the trees and people. Everyone is an individual? Or, look at the next people, and you can see everyone is connected. What they do is copied, or not copied, thats how our lives are. And listen to the world and take your time, let it sink it. If this is the moment of defining change, let it happen slowly.

Then walk. Go back to your daily life. Dig back your IM friends, your e-mail friends, you cell friends, your schoolmates. And choose the right person. And talk to them. This time you will see the right people, because you have choosen to seek them.

This is a big world, and the Internet is a big place. Equating both is wrong. There doesnt have to be a social study to define what the Internet brings to our lives or how it changes it. The key to both worlds is how we separate them. What we choose to do with them. And when you see someone who so commandingly hold you and your emotions and your rights to be what you are for something that's not worth the electrons that carry the message. Just leave. No goodbye notes, JUST LEAVE THEM. Seek the next person, the right person.

Thats what I learned from the Internet. Thats what I learned from the offices and lecture halls and classrooms and homes and people. I learned that there are many people, there are many demands and there are many wolves among them. The ones who waits to leap will never do so because they will find only the weak ones, not you. You are not the weak one if you are reading my blog. You are a critical person who can and knows what this is. Dont for a moment think you are weak, you are loosing so much not acknowledging your powers. The wolf will also not leap on you if you are busy with life, it cant hold you ransom because you will ignore it.

But the wolf will leap on you the moment you choose to leave that door open and you choose a time to be slack, to not follow your own rules and choose to think that 'what can one time do, it wont kill you.' But it will. Thats what the Internet is. Thats what we are today. Your routines are your salvation, but the wrong routines are also the trap. This is a fast moving world, people wont stop to let you out from traps, let alone it's you own.

Wolves are magnificent creatures, you will know how so human like they are. Because how many humans out there choose to be one. Dont fall into this traps, dont take people as they approach you, innocently or with purpose, in real life or on the Internet. Shut the door tightly and seek out the right people. This is the strategy for life of this scarred world.

I realized and also fail to realize I met many beautiful souls. Those who knows how to live life, who have done so much, who have tested their rules and their limits. How they have compiled this strategy to live. How they face the real world, their jobs, family, children and everything. Learning and teaching is the only concern you should have. And you can see everything else are lesser contemporaries of it.

Where do my beautiful friends live? They are everywhere around me. I'm not going to drop names, not going to tell who they are, look around here. I'm greedy, I don't want to share my good friends :p but from time to time, you will find them if you not already have. Or maybe they have found you. I have found hope a long time back. I failed to realize that I should keep the hope with me all the time, not leave it at home when I go face the wolves. And the ones who gave that hope are always in my mind, they never left me. And I realized that I should do the same, give hope. And keep on learning, and keep on teaching and keep on living. And I'm not going to listen to the pretenders. Because there are many real people out there who dont seek me for my blood, but only for my words, a few of them, at the right time. Because I am that right person too, for them.

[#] Realizing its not worth being sad or depressed, not worth slowing down or shutting the daylight because I have problems. After all I'm still a wanderer.

Tuesday, July 29

Revisit: Evening Sun

golden sky glowing intensely
tiny birds cruising in streams
paper kites riding the wind, silently
nameless clouds tracing patterns
on a green land with running children
thin pillars of sunlight piercing violently
an evening sun drowning me in dreams

one long string yard after yard
at the end of it a red paper kite
small fingers holding tight
untold joy in her wide eyes
invisible heart beating fast, nervous
children's running, playing, happy cries

from far north over the hills
above the trees in many shades of green
one single bright blue light curls
magnificent display on heavens screen
slates in time of events so chaotic
my evening sun soon to be insignificant
in short minutes raindrops on my palms
another dream for some other time


Saturday, July 26


Randy Pausch.
A Legend, a Fighter and a Human.
It's been good knowing you :)

[#] Winter in the Summer
[+] Randy's site
[+] CMU's Randy Site
[+] Wired - Includes cached page links to RP's latest posts in his site.
[+] The Last Lecture
[+] Wiki

| In retrospective of the last lecture by Randy Pausch - Do you know what will your last lecture be?

Monday, July 21


Ok this is wall right. And its not a very tall wall. Coz like walls dont age with experience and all others. So you are this wall. And then you ask people to come and sit on it. Come people, now sit on me, I'm a wall. So people sit on it. And you're happy. Wohoo. Happy happy happy. And a fat person comes. And now ur in deep sht, but you have to portray ur a good wall to everyone whose been sitting there all this while. So you tell them, you can handle this. You dont discriminate people, not against anything. So infront of them you let the fat person sit. Wow that mst be fcking heavy. I mean shees, the wall is in strain but then it still shows of its fcking spanking cool. A cool wall. Then others walls are there. Around the world. And they jst like being a wall. Some let ppl sit, some dont. Some are tall and people climb them, but then they cant reach the top coz the wall is an old soul and it keeps getting taller as time passes. Some walls dont like people sitting there for nothing. Some walls have advertisement on them. Some tell the truth. Some wall is used and raped like there is no tomorrow and it jst takes it. Some walls see many histories. Some walls crumble. But it doesnt blame anyone. Thats aging with experience. So our wall, this cool wall. It sees all the other walls and what does it see? It see real people who doesnt actually hide their true feelings right. And they, when they dont like the wall, they refuse to sit on it. And some jst takes an egg and hits it. Or potatoes. Or tomatoes. Ok, so some others jst break it down. Walls crumble. But oh no, this cool wall is so fcking diplomatic and cool. It jst wont accept the fact that its just a wall on the same plain. Same earth. So what gives the wall more rights than the other wall? We dont get it, and how come the wall is nice to some stoners and lynchers and not all. So the wall is a fake wall. Its not a wall, its just imagining itself being a wall. And when the fat person came, it knew the fake wall wont stand a chance, but then it kept faking it coz it had faked so much to so many others than sit on it that now it cant hide anywhere. The truth is slowly spreading all over the world, and it still scrapes in the dark on how to hide this. Damn damn damn. So how do we hide the fact the wall is fake?

I was trying to build a wall too, but then I did'nt get enough stones.

Sunday, July 20

Blogger in Bahasa Malaysia/ Native Language Evolution

Blog Bahasa Malaysia

Blogger is finally out in Bahasa Malaysia. As announced in the Blogger Buzz, blogger has a large following in Malaysia, I guess much much larger than wordpress, so its about time. After Gmail which is out in both Tamil and Malay (a many other native languages), I suppose this is the second product of Google in Malay.

The translation is pretty good if not excellent, and yeh well some of you know why I always say this for Tamil and Malay translations of web related stuff :P , but I can't still understand why some terms still doesn't follow Industry standards or the current trend that's already defined and being used as...umm...Industry standards!!!. And some a downright funny: 'Blogger on the Go - Blogger tak henti henti sibuk'? what the? Blogger on the Go means mobile blogging and not blogger thats busy which the Malay translation here refers to. It just doesn't make sense! Oh well, maybe they would iron this out soon, language translations have cycles (normally) and big co's usually update the mass regularly.

And Something Else

As a translation philosophy, the translators output or work should always be considered the ultimate result and the reviewers 'suggestions' must prove indisputably that the original translation is wrong (remember; not even stylistically different, or sound different or is used differently by 'some' native users), it must be outright wrong. And when the cycle of translation fails to meet this simple philosophy, we have weird phrases that stick out as sore thumbs in an otherwise clear and good effort. Not to say that they're (the reviewers) wrong, but I guess I just love what I'm doing now to know that there's so much corporate influences and cost crunches that can turn translations into zombie texts...stiff and unfriendly.

With native languages featuring prominently in product expansions for nearly all the important web and telecommunication companies, we could yet again see the revival(?) of local languages. Surely this is a fresh massive effort (which actually started a 5 or 6 years back in small scales) to encourage better communication of ideas. It all boils down to web advertisement and localized adverts in native languages. There is a huge market out there and native language supports are important to capture the niche markets, as well as even the most stubborn customers. In all ways this is good because we get to reach out to our own intended audiences as well, be it for work or socializing. Its a tool and the tool is to be exploited for the greater benefits.

Encouraging native language proficiency is hard for the current generation., trying to impose it to them is harder. English has become the first language for many, and it must be, for reasons that only time will tell. But native languages represents our culture and the conservation of dying cultures. Think of it as a tie in, no language no communication and no culture. And no, digital cameras will not save cultures or colors. We wont get another chance like this if we are conveniently willing to miss out on language tools. We must demand for the language tools to be made for us. As always, users can at anytime switch back to English and be comfortable with what they have. The focus here would then be for the task at hand solely, to blog or to work or to business. But native language support enables us to see how our own languages evolve to meet the technological transcendence, which is happening fast....too fast.

Lets not be left behind :)

[#] BBD, dude we're on air! LOL...some of it are I guess. hehehhe.

Thursday, July 17

The Dark Knight

"Tonight, let's try a social experiment."
~ I'm never going to get time to write a decent review...too darn busy. But managed to catch the movie last night, thank God we had screenings on the 16th itself here, theater was half full, if you cant get tickets, try some far away theater people rarely go to :p I wish I could see the IMAX version, but we have a dead IMAX theater here, useless dead useless wonder why they build it if they dont screen feature films there in Imax format.

Ok the movie, it is more than you'll ever want, more than you'll ever expect, more that what you have ever watched this year, and Joker...made me speechless. It does transcend the comic book genre, after all Batman is not a superhero, he is a real hero, anti-hero, lost soul. Call him whatever you want, but we can probably identify more with him than lets say...Hell Boy! :P

The cast, you can't get a cast like this even if you have a billion bucks and ooze Hollywood hype out of the..., Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, Gary Oldman, Maggie Gyllenhaal (move over Tomkat, you sucked in BB) and an amazing crew. Christopher Nolan is the best director right now IMHO. The story is amazing, fresh, full of twists and not a moment of boredom. No letdowns here.

Read the positive reviews, believe them for once, if you have never watched a comic books adaptation before, well you can start with this because The Dark Knight justifies why comic book hero movie should be made to cast away the traditional colorful comicy world. And no, this is not the billionaire boy Iron Man wet dream Bruce Wayne escapade, this is the real deal. You wont be left wondering what will unravel in the 3rd Nolan-Bale Batman movie if it ever gets made, because there are no cliffhanger the size of Hollywood left in here. All issues are spread out, Joker-ized and closed.

Either you'll walk out of the theater smiling or shouting or clapping or heading straight to the box office for a 2nd show (or yawning if you're unfortunate enough to catch a 1 am movie :p). Satisfaction guaranteed. Dont waste time watching all the other lesser contemporaries, Hell Boy, Hancock...bah! TDK has real stunts, real explosions, minimal SFX, damn you feel like its your city embroiled in anarchy and destruction if you managed to capture the core of the story.

But above all, Hope lives.

And damn you're gonna love how the Batpod is introduced. You're gonna love it. :)

[] The best movie this year.

Thursday, July 10

age / giants

Of the many paths that diverge in a night, I've often failed to understand age. Whether we are moving forward, or backward, the gains are without magnitude. What experience we collect, in time will wither. This is more of like moments of sadness, sitting and thinking of how time flows forward, stopping not to salvage the cells. The soul feels insignificant. Picture this, you in time, as the sun rises, pages turn, wind blows memories past shallow lights sprayed on walls. You are not moving, but slowly you are realizing that time is eating the past. The walls crumble, and you notice the quantum's of time. No sound here, just shards of glass on the floor, because you didn't see it breaking and falling. Time jumps at this moment, you have slowed it down to comprehend age. Slowly, flipping doors float away into the ceiling. Vibrating cages of atomic lattices are visible now. As you look deeper than ever before. You have crossed the paths of strings, energy, the Planck seconds maybe. Because there isn't anything more to look at. The you blink. You are back to the bench, at the back of your house. The leaves are still falling, silently.

In another reality, the voice is forcing you to run harder, and each time you look back you see a new world. A new scenery, scapes changing in seconds. Wishing to stop, the dream not letting, you fall forward but not to the ground. Each time you fall, its a new path you're running in. Decades pass, as you realize the seasons decay in every degree of your vision. That's how age leaves you. The lady is still calling you, the laughter of your teachers. Then you see them, the god creatures you think they are. Moments later, are large mechanical vehicles. Complex giant vehicles riding the superhighways in front of you. The roads are gigantic, very much artificial. There are no scapes in every direction. You realize you might have outlived this world. Time suddenly ceased to matter. It is not there, it doesn't appear anywhere. There is this indescribable satisfaction in your heart. As it opens wider than ever before. You could feel the walls vanish, arteries vanish and you belong to the world. Tears roll down your eyes, in front of you is nothing but the singularity. Stars in the sky, roads, endless glass deserts. You sit there feeling the violation winds, you don't know where they come from, there are no clouds, but the wind is there. And looking farther, where no horizons exists, is the dark glittering sky, and bright roads with giant machines. Tears roll freely, and when you wake up to an early daylight sky...your eyes still year for that world.

Tuesday, July 8


in another jump the other evening, we landed in a familiar world. i was not alone. she was together with me. this time i managed to see her face. in most lucid's i fail to ascertain their faces. this time it was different. the world was the same from my other dreams. the greenery and the buildings. its either a place of great thinkers, or experiments or its an experiment with life itself. and there are trains everywhere. slow moving coaches, the ends we cant see. she talks with me, gives me directions, but i don't seem to be in any activity. i go to class or whatever gathering that happens, i carry notes that i cant read. and everything is moving. when the evening came, just like a flash, without realizing the day has changed and the evening sky with noctilucent clouds painted the scapes with gray and blue. i noticed still the faces are visible. because they keep talking to me. the path to walk, the roads to take. we walked endlessly. along the way, the road cut through narrow valleys, all lined up with concrete and glass buildings. they are not tall, but it was unique, i can see through the large wall sized windows, the tiny yellow lights inside it, like captured stars. then the students peering through it, walking, watching, all the activities. along the way we pass through carnivals, celebrations with no meaning. probably it had no meaning to me, but all i was doing is walking. stopping occasionally, it felt more like in fixed time periods, i talked to her, and watched her talk to others, and we continued. then there was the train rides that took us to a different part of the small universe that i'm very sure i was in.

[#] this is a repeating dream I've been having this year. the same place, but this is the first time i've interacted with someone. It's not very interesting, seems like a normal dream and naturally, my narration ended because I woke up, I did not try to continue the lucid this time. and luckily I did not forget it either. hoping for more of this world, i think there is much to learn there.

Tuesday, July 1

dissolve/ redemption

no reason to say we matter, no reason to say I matter. no new way in this world, now new freedom to be found. scattered souls sparkle the human runways, far away cities dazzle in magazines. sinful nights bleeds away ever so slowly to morning fog. as I awake, to find no sunrise, but everlasting beauty. upon the hills of redemption, what had god given me but hope of floating scents, of good of evil and most importantly of the wanderers. we walked this land, but you claimed to see more than what I have painted. we build this scapes together, great wanderer.
open your eyes wider and you might cross into other paintings, open your mind wider and close the chapters one by one. remain an outsider, outcast yourself, it is not this world to see your talents.
as your fingers touch, my melting soul, our lives centuries apart, suddenly flows, those rivers cut right through our dreams. maroon fascinations, addictive saffron’s, and ageless fabric, woven artificial just like the master universe. I was asked to go, where you wanted to go, as I stepped into the 6th land, under billions of stars, I encountered your destiny. I don’t want to go anymore, faith and fate, shall lie with me, as I step aside, to let the star-shine over your grave. faith and fate, in the morning fog, shall dissolve this creation once again.


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny