Friday, October 31


I can tell you it was beautiful
I have the photo to prove it
But I didn't have anyone there to share it with...

Monday, October 27

happy deepavali

Have a Wonderful Deepavali with Family and Friends
Wishing Everyone Prosperous Times Ahead

Saturday, October 25

Some Dont Die Everyday

Unwillingly he gets out of bed and decides to take the few steps to the window. The marble floor is ice cold. The squirrels are busy stripping down the tree outside of fruits. Rain has stopped but the rain clouds hang so close above. If he opens the windows he could touch them and wash his hands. Being holed up close to two days in his room, with only the sounds of spirits walking the stairways outside, he has erased a lot from him memories. It's time for him to get out and see the world again. To rebuild his memories.

From the far reaches of the planet, he has collected many souvenirs. All etched permanently in his mind. But he has no memories of others. When he walks the streets he see people without faces. He hears voices, he pays for the rides but nothing else shows emotions. After this many weeks he thought he knew whats outside. He shuts off his cell, and he walks in the slow drizzle. He looked up to see if the stars are out yet, the evening stars but only the ensemble of clouds covers the sky. No galaxies tonight he thought. At least his programmed memories are working, he can sense the coldness of the surroundings. He pulled his hands inside the sleeves of his jacket and walks toward the main street. A damning gridlock, the forever gridlock is still present there. He closed his eyes and just walks to the other end of the road.

After agreeing to an exorbitant rate to the terminals, he gets into the vehicle and takes out his camera. He does not take snaps of humans, they're all faceless. He aims his lenses towards colonial relics and dying trees. Richly colored ad boards dot the roads, but the faces on it are blank too. His auto driver turns to look at his camera and asks the price. He reluctantly and probably ignorantly for the nth time spells the price in rupees. Making his again the target for all sorts of outcomes, news updates tomorrow.

He gets down outside a cinema hall where hordes of fans are waiting for their lame superstars. Both on the screen and real life as it always happens in this city. Handing out 200 rupees for the 10 km ride and not taking the change he walks again oblivious to the traffic to the other side of the road towards the tunnels and terminals. The drugs have made him numb, he can only feel the cold and smell the stagnant air around him, that too in minute doses here and there.

He trains his lens at the road side vendors and attracts rude hand gestures. Probably the smartest thing he did at that moment was to bag the camera. Something strange is brewing, he can sense his surroundings coming alive. He chooses to erase those feelings too. The drugs makes this easy. His stomach now burns of acids, his right side of the body is in minuscule seizures. He knew coming out was a mistake. He walks on into the crowd.

The first few touches went by unnoticed. Then comes hands holding his own. Some tiny fingers pulling his fingers. He wakes from his zombie state but all he can see are blank faces. Children running around him, adults, peddlers and socks salesman. He stops as fear starts to engulf him. He should not have came out alone, not have awaken at all. He tightens his bag straps and shoves his hands into his pockets and walks faster into the tunnel. The shouts and laughter of the children continues to follow him. He turns back momentarily but they're not anywhere near him. But the voices, hauntingly beautiful laughter and words seems to be seconds away from his ears.
He walks faster into the crowd.

Chaotic tunnel routes and the thick air is suffocating him now. The pain is back, and is slowly crippling his neck and back and right leg. Now millions of tiny needles is ripping every nerve and blood cell in his eye and head. He ransacks his pockets and bag just to notice he left the drugs in the room. He has walked into his own hell, no way of turning back and no way of seeking help. The crowd is now pushing him deeper. On the walls are posters and plagues of humanity just standing and watching. Through their blank faces emanate emotions and expectations of the others beside them. One by one, their faces light up with a strange godly hallow. Are they gods from ancient times watching over. He wished he could see their eyes.

As his breathing becomes calculated, his nose dripping and eyes watery he sees light at the end of the tunnel. As he climbs the never ending stairs hoping to capture some air someone pulled him. He fell down and his reflexes made him hug his camera bag. He gets up and sees people ignoring him and just walking. Like glowing shadows their paths are now only photons and waves of particles. He sits for a few seconds trying to regain his thoughts, enough to remind him where he was.

Right then at the corner of the tunnel exit he sees a face. Her eyes visible staring at him. His heart stopped, they've noticed him. He gets up and turns back just as another gust of bodies pushed him back towards the exit. He lets go and walk as fast as he can and exits the tunnel. From the ramps and walkways he can see hundreds of buses, color marked to various destinations. He wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath to let the pain disappear for some heavenly seconds. His throat feels dry but he cant find anyone selling water. The drizzle is slowly bathing him, not the liberation he wanted but he must find a way out.

A few more meters and another hand pulled him. A child is smiling at him. He can see the face. Her hair is in shambles and dirty just like her cloths. He digs some coins for her and she runs away. There is another tunnel ahead and more faces are visible. All looking at him, all talking among themselves. He is lost now, his memories fading. His senses tells him to walk on, just walk the tunnels and ramps until he comes to the trains. But the pain in his head and his foraging eyes are blinding those thoughts even. He sees a flower stall, great garlands hanging from end to end. He looked up to see a temple Gopuram. His salvation maybe as he looks for the gate. It was closed. He says some prayers and hopes some of his memories come back. As he closes his eyes concentrating on his silent words, his pain disappears for a few moments. He opens his eyes in the miasma of incense smoke and the sweet smell of jasmine and the grand colors of the temple.

He turns to the road to flag a ride back to his lodge. His bag seems so heavy at the moment, the straps eating his shoulders. The rain is becoming heavier and all around him people walking, chatting, running and even hugging. Someone offered him an umbrella which he brushed away. Their faces are all visible. The veils of silence that he induced on his mind are slowly lifting. He can genuinely feel the emotions around him. His ignorance, the ones he made himself endure are gone now. He is watching the flaws and euphoria of this land. Of the people around him. They're content and happy. He is watching them. They are in pain too and they too have lost destinies they're seeking. He is watching them.

As his ride took him through new streets, the vehicles and gridlocks seems familiar. He washed his face but the searing pain is still there. Around him materialize souls and spirits. They form humans and they too in moments start to mingle in the activities around him. He has one last chain to break. He has to stop realizing that the cities revolve around him. But this realization is not happening as the pain is too much to bear. Was it the temple, was it the people that made him break his shields? And one by one the streetlights come alive. And the majestic buildings at the side of the road gets illuminated. More people are walking the streets, the rain in a soft drizzle now. Liberation's of the mind. The ones he condemned to death are advancing their lives around him. Some dont die. He is learning of his capabilities, he learned of the roads and human. He is traveling and he learned to keep his heart open and his mind liberated of expectations.

Back in his room, in the false safety of the four walls he sits and stares outside the windows. Reframing of what he has lost all these days. Why he chose to ignore the people around him. The mass of humanity that he too belongs in. After a hot shower, the water still not more painful that his migraine, in which he sees the bloods of his vanities dripping into the holes on the floor. He pulls his bed close to the window and switches off the lights. His eyes scan the skies seeking the occasional stars. His memories for today and tomorrow are formed. His walks and jumps has given him his life. The walls around him disappear as he floats into another dream. He connects to the world around him as he becomes human. The pain slowly melts showing him beautiful faces and the skies clear away displaying grand strips of stars of the milky way.

[#] A fictionalized true story (now how do people do that? :p) Btw, Im ok today...probably for the first time in over a week.
[#] I thought ignoring would make me like this land faster, I thought ignoring will make me believe less in their pain and thus saving my fragile emotions, but I was wrong.

Friday, October 24

Embedded Comment Form / Blogger Post Gadget

Blogger released two new updates for easier commenting and writing blog posts from iGoogle. One is the embedded comment form (a third commenting option for blogger blogs) and the other one is the Blogger Post Gadget for iGoogle.
[Read Full - Commenting]
[Read Full - Post Gadget]

Wednesday, October 22

Deepavali Ads

There was a time Petronas Deepavali ads fired so much emotions over TV. There were some now legendary ones such as this:

This years' ad is good, but is Malaysian politics really this liberal towards us? Parents did sacrifice tremendously for generations, but the politics of Malaysia broke many dreams.

Deepavali 2008 ad by Petronas (via RaajaRox)

[#] They gave us wings, just don't clip it too soon. We've learned a lot over the years, we are stronger now.

Tuesday, October 21

Heavens on Earth

Finally snapped my own wallpapers :P
The beauty of Udagamandalam personified by the pine and eucalyptus forests
on the road up the Doddabetta mountain which is 2623 m in height.
(not good for exercise challenged couch potatoes... :D )
Songs(?) and scenes from the movie Roja was shot in this forests.

[+] Want the snap(s) in higher resolution ?, buzz me in the comments. Ooty post updated in Ghosting India.


stealing spaces
crawling from my nightmares
are beautiful creatures
of long forgotten dreams
which, among them
exist formless
the souls of humans

Monday, October 13

young people who rock: Shonnetta Henry

Here is an inspiring story. Shonnetta knew she could make a difference, and she did.

Struggles and sacrifices means nothing if you don't give back to the society. In whatever motivation or principles you are in, being a dead wood, keeping everything to yourself will mean nothing in time. Which ever way we dissect this world, only chaotic futures and turbulent pasts will emerge. But in this chaos, we can seek patterns to justify the reason for doing something. Even the smallest of things, for whatever reason. Not charity, but empowerment, education and opportunities.

[+] Follow more inspiring stories such as this [YPWR]

[#] Have ideas? Make it happen. Need help? Ask.

Whats New(s)?

I hate work, I'd rather be photographing stuff or writing.
Just read that a million Brits will be out of work by the end of the year. Right. Who actually screwed up this bad that the rest of the world has to pay for it too?
On a sad related news, I'm tied to the USD and US also. Goddamit!
What's in store for freelancers of this global meltdown?
Credit card meltdown? :D
I hope...
no more offices...please.

Sunday, October 12

Sagittarius Sky

late in the evening,
under the Sagittarius sky,
i looked back at my life

fireflies all i remember,
for only they bring happiness,
we were young and alive

have i known one day in the future,
i will break some rings,
loose some friends

how chaotic my life was,
trembling as i walk along,
not knowing which road to take

what holds the future,
my dreams so cosmic,
burdening the time strings

how i wish everyday,
to meet my progenitor,
to end my voyage


[#] Sleepless in Bangalore...on nights like this, I dig up old poems, and listen to some of the greatest tunes by the fine dudes from Daymoon and wish silently to make music again. My music page is still there, go ahead and download the mp3s and experience some prog rock [Daymoon-Ghost Particle Project].

And...why dont you talk to me anymore...?

Friday, October 10

Holy What?!

I had to get the book, it appeared 'mysteriously' a few weeks before I got to India, out of nowhere in ALL bookstores I went. And then when I get here, its everywhere still!
And someone asked me to read the book a long time ago when I told her I want to backpack in India...:p I told her I wont need to read it...but now I think I should have read it earlier.
Finally the street book vendor won, after 3 good days of pestering me to buy any book. And after reading the first few chapters...all I can say is, its either Sarah McDonald is mega lost, mega egoistic or just loves the country so much that she aint telling ( or just want to sell books :p ) It is a semi funny book, I think travelers should read it, but its not a true travel book either. She does have many good points in there, but looking down too much of people is not good...sigh. Oh and she is so damn right about the airline stewadress's. I just want to know if they spray the insecticide in all flights coming into India?!!
But the language is abit raw, I'm going back to Amitav Ghosh for now.
And then comes the question, what 'kind' of people can survive in foreign lands? Do they have to have some past connections? Or just assimilate themselves, or let the land swallow them?
One obvious thing among all this is, there is a big big difference between being a tourist, and a visitor and a traveler.

[+] Im in a mysterious 'good net connection' period for the past 30 minutes. Holy Internet, im going to write this book. Yep. Im going to roam the streets now.

Wednesday, October 8

The Nobel Prize in Physics 2008

I think this honour came late, but its very much appreciated by the particle physics community.

Yoichiro Nambu

Makoto Kobayashi

Toshihide Maskawa

"for the discovery of the mechanism of spontaneous broken symmetry in subatomic physics, which predicts the existence of at least three families of quarks in nature"

Tuesday, October 7


Did I get 2 1/2 hours younger by coming to India? :D

I'm loving the local ads, they're refreshing and good. And ads sell big time in India.

Buses are nice to travel, but long haulers are taxing. Town buses are excellent, with Illayaraja music and 80's movies...I never knew, I never knew. Heck, some buses even plays mp3. Oh and the buses dont stop, you just jump out, or jump in :D

Auto drivers have completely deciphered me. Was fleeced in Chennai, and in Madurai, one driver asked me to pay how much I normally do. What do I say then? So how I do master this? No way...

TN needs rain. Right now. And the power cuts, make me appreciate all I have, the gazillion watts I waste back home...urgh.

This CDMA Internet thingy is so helpful, but not even average in speed.

Airtel is flooding me with spam calls. And spam sms's. I got insurance salesman, etc calling me everyhour. And I did not know you start roaming when you cross states!!!

Bus drivers wont stop to let you take pictures. :P yeh yeh I asked...I tought he would let me since he was happy to hear Malaysia stories from me.

I have thus far not seen a train, how did I miss it?! This is India!!!

Two times already, a police man hopped on my auto for a ride to his station. Grrr. Yeate aiya taking shortcuts from his work with wrong methods.

Its raining here in Bangalore now.

Food in Bangalore is good, too good. :)

The Kingfisher flight was ok. Im watching aircrash investigations on NatGeo. :p

Sunday, October 5


Taken from the Pamban Bridge

[+] Oh and thanks to my very good friends over here, I've been meeting prospective brides!!! and their families. Yep, this is the ghost speaking, and yes you read that sentence correct. Interesting people, interesting lives. I think something good will happen soon...more of that story at my India diaries (Ghosting India), which is a private blog. Readers who knows me well, please mail me your emails for an invite. Thanks.

Wednesday, October 1

all souls

as they ate all the souls
and scattered their ashes along the streets
what salvation are there
the others asked
there are none

the non residents
they danced in the midnight streets
and their children played in the middle of the roads
towards destiny they march
all souls

~as they stepped back
in time
getting younger
by the hours and days and weeks
wrinkles becoming beauty
arguments becoming embraces
distances touching, kisses
traveling in the eyes of strangers
i see them as myself
from forgotten pasts


[#] and I thought Id stop dreaming stranger days here :D
I haven't found time to blog proper yet (in the new blog too...invites will come soon, sorry), busy, too many decisions to take. Thank you for all the good advices, somehow I stopped being a foreigner from day one. I am home.


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny