Saturday, May 31

Durian Flavored Ice Cream

So darn overdue with this...sorry dear Pallavi.

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
A. Ummm...I'll skip the crappy Tamil movies...the last real movie I saw in a theater is Cloverfield...passable...

2. What book are you reading?
A. Now flipping through...Stephen Baxter's 'Exultant', Gregory Benford's 'Cosm', Rob Charles Wilson's 'Mysterium' and John Darnton's 'Neanderthal'. Yeppp I'm a serial reader!??? I just love having lots of books near the bed.

3. Favorite board game?
A. Oh!...(breaks down...crying non stop....) All those memories with my cousins...We used to play boardgames like nuts 20 years ago... :( Its Monopoly and Scrabble. I love the mystery card in Monopoly...used to read all of it during the game and wishing the dice would lead me to it.

4. Favorite magazine/s?
A. Ok totally blank on this...Internet killed Magazines long ago...But I still maintain subscriptions to New Scientist. Used to follow Graphis religiously...then the library decided to stop its subscription.

5. Favorite smells?
A. Smell...of the unadulterated morning air...

6. Favorite sounds?
A. Not a good Q for a depression sufferer...sound, and light actually triggers migraines in me. But sound/music from the Piano, and Flute is ok I guess...

7. Worst feeling in the world?
A. When Excitement turns to Boredom in 20 seconds.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
A. 'Not again!'

9. Favorite fast food place?
A. I always feel wasteeeedd after ff adventures...but maybe a McChicken or Pizza is fine...

10. Future child’s name?
A. Optimus Prime...ok no. :D no plans, none ever.

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?”
A. Cry. Give it away. And Return to my normal routine. (i rarely get to spend money the way I really want it these days)

12. Do you drive fast?
A. Yes...especially with passengers because they know I'm such a funny (lousy) driver and it scares the hell out of them when I go 160...smiling all the way...with one hand on the steering and another on the handbrake or door-handle. Mwhahahahahah!

13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
A. Yeh...I got a Gemma Atkinson life sized stuffed doll...did you say animal? Well according to senor Freud...

14. Storms - cool or scary?
A. Cool...Apocalypse.

15. What was your first car?
A. If all goes well its going to be a Japanese early July.

16. Favorite drink?
A. All of em...with sugar. (I love Green Tea Ice Blend from greenbucks.)

17. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
A. Probably accept a few more jobs and get into serious mess and back to square one of if I had time I would finish those jobs and accept more jobs and get into serious mess and return to square one...

18. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
A. I love Yes! used to hate them as a kid...but now I dig them so much...

19. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
A. Electric Blue with neon orange and pink stripes. Yes.

20. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
A. Sungai Petani, Bandar Baru Bangi, Seremban, Kajang...duh! you had to ask right? Now just google em.

21. Favorite sports to watch?
A. Soccer.

22. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
A. Pallavini tagged me...the nicest thing about her is...she knows me very well. and that makes me happy...coz I know she wont judge me. One thing only? :p She is crazy cool and when she IM's me...we yak and yak about stuff all night long...

23. What’s under your bed?
A. Uh...what's under my bed? How do you know what's under my bed? How do you even know I sleep on a bed?! As one famous scientist said...Under the bed is 99.00% of the missing matter of the universe. Then there is the 0.90% of Bed material. then 0.09% of bedsheets. Then the insignificant 0.01% human on the bed. Yep...didn't answer the question...

24. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
A. You bet your candy ass I want to be born again! I love the miserable loveless me!

25. Morning person, or night owl?
A. I rarely get to see owls here...saw one at the bird park a long time ago. it didn't turn its head 360 degrees so i guess that much was false advertising. Oh and that Owl army in Hairy Potter was freaky. I guess if I had a Polar Bear pet...ill feed it with owls too. what was the question again?

26. Over easy, or sunny side up?
A. Is this about eggs? or is it sex related?

27. Favorite place to relax?
A. In the darkness...the abyssal voids of the universe. to achieve this, close all windows, doors, etc. Turn of the lights. and just find a corner and sit.

28. Favorite pie?
A. Something with some blueberry stuff in it with thin crust and stuff.

29. Favorite ice cream flavor?
A. Raspberry ripples and mint and stuff. I guess I don't have real Favorite favorite ice cream flavor. Oh Durian flavor is so darn good...

30. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
A. I'm not tagging any...tags are for rainy days and everyone has tags lined up. I just turned down a tag from Solitaire today. So currently my tag que is empty after this tag...

[#] Finally got this weeks stuff sorted out...End of Week 22. and I don't want to think about the weekend, coz week 23 assignments are already in -[[O..o]]- And finally got the Internet connection back to normal...after killing the Internet Demon. Sorry if I didn't drop by...will do so soon.

Polar Bear

Anyone know where I can buy a Polar Bear?
Somebody please send me a friggin Polar Bear.
I want one as a pet.
Then I'll walk it around the neighborhood
and let it eat all the cats.
And noisy kids.

Wednesday, May 28

The Stars Are Still Blinking

what morals you have
to enclose us in this world
where the walls are glass
and the air is poisonous
in which layers of sapience
and other sentience
battle for space
~ under the eternity sky
where stars flicker
wretched souls
bear the deluge of evidence
of creation gone wrong
and when all of it settles
such like the dust
moments after the first rain
you watch us die
over and over again


[#] I can tolerate most things, but not the feeling of being helpless, and not being there to help. Another journey halts, more to come.

Monday, May 26

I've Seen, Aware

and I've seen
I've seen
this big world
how it turns and turns
and swirls
snatching hearts
blinding eyes
in the summers
come the rouges
faking emotions
they danced
and for days they danced
from lesser beginnings
they pranced
on the faithfuls

across the seas
giant waves
ravaged lands
we waited
and we waited for nothing
as the clouds disappear
rays of light appear
captured in evening glasses
of the young at heart
as they walk the parks
stealing a few looks
at the defiant girls
the most beautiful they are
illusions grandeur
for the hearts sees
what the eyes don’t
what beauty
we see what beauty
from this life feisty

leaves of lost trees
in those gardens
so often our mind frees
from the clutches
of unfair dreams
as they shatter
under the pressure
of the world
twirl and swirl
and waves and clouds
no different to your color
as we wear the same skin
and spill the same blood
we are not aware
are we
we are not aware


[#] I think I'm back to my old weird self. Tell me if this really read as bad as it was to me...I have an excuse though! Wrote this in 7 minutes (it took me to download a 1.5 mb file from a really bad internet connection!!!). disclaimer: need to get some facts straight here... 7 mins to write... not counting formatting, and spell check in blogger. i figured i must write a word every 3 seconds to get this poem out in 7 mins...but it was a raw draft...before the formating, word change, and etc... :-)

[#] Will we ever contemplate suicide over a dead Internet connection?

Sunday, May 25

Finally! Finally?

First she plays the racists politics, then gender politics and now suggesting that assassination is something 'that might do her good'? That's how I see it. The way we read it, RFK was assassinated because he had a real chance of winning, which means Hillary is suggesting that the danger to Obama's is as real as it gets? Or maybe I'm just ignorant in this whole American politics business.

Whatever she says, the world has seen better women leaders and will see better ones, with or without Hillary winning the nominations, or the presidency.

Saturday, May 24

Chinnamma Chilakkamma

[+] A fun song, quite addictive. A mix of Telegu and Hindi (?). And why am I seeing this as so similar to Totti Jaya's Totta Powerda by HJ? maybe not the music, but the vid.

Thursday, May 22

Showdown in Moscow fun to watch so far
still betting for Chelsea to pick this up
anywhere it goes
this is great for English football
the 11th Champions cup coming home
brought home
8 English Players
14 Foreign Players
2 Foreign Managers
of 2 Clubs with
2 Foreign Owners
from the cold grip
of a
Moscow night
Manure U won it!
they must be the luckiest team in the world this year
at least Chelsea can blame the rain
and finally fire Grant now
and maybe, just maybe
Ferguson can retire
RIP Sir Alex
Retire In Peace
oh well
another 3 months footie break

Tuesday, May 20

Why On Earth...

oh well
if you can beat them
join them
and watch your dreams
scatter away
and watch your days blindfolded
as it marches into the rain of doubt
because others are dictating your life
when you learn the language
of saying No
then you might have found a savior
inside you
hidden this long
to eternity not spoken
but if you have learned to accept
then you must follow the herd
into certain trouble and pain
occasionally you might ask
what is the problem
of just doing something
it might turn out to be good
but then you fail to realize
its only you who is left
to pick up the pieces
when all comes crumbling down
dreams built
on stilts
you work day and night
to hearts content
you are happy of who you are
you are happy of who you have become
then comes the evil
in many forms
to distract you
leaving you with the question
of reality
if it's real or an illusion
but don't leave
with uncertainty
they might say
we are lost
the moment we walk out
but they fail to see
we did not seek out
it's them who found us
and so
all that is well
ends well


[original post] I manage to meet the wrongest people ever! Why!!! AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa!

Monday, May 19

Earthquake! (5.9, Northern Sumatra)

[update - final] It's classified as 'moderate', no casualties reported from the region so far. Good night and be safe folks.

[update] 19-MAY-2008 14:26:45 1.65 99.18 5.9 11.6km depth NORTHERN SUMATERA, INDONESIA

Felt another quake. This one lasted about 30 seconds, but not as strong as the previous episodes. Probably centered in Indonesia - Sumatra since previously we felt quakes only from that region (from Kajang, KL) . Waiting for Iris now.

Sunday, May 18

Love is Life

we shall sleep
not this day,
we shall die
not this moment,
we shall live


[#] ...and you can just rearrange it and repeat it whichever way you want because there is just so much life and love in this existence :-)


[~] Portishead - We Carry On (Third)
[+] Portishead

[#] Too Good! Almost scifi'ish, extremely creative.

Saturday, May 17

Beyond Eternity

you know something? the silence, its not enough. I wish for more, I wish the time when you are not here. go away somewhere, take a million year slumber or an interstellar vacation if you term it such.

you can't separate reality with you nuances ghost, you have to live every painful second to see the stars born, and go nova. you are stuck with your human misgivings, your ideas of humanity in search of what? what are you looking for again? and why you cant live with me?

you know sirius, you are drowning in your own nonsense, you can ask your God to go fish for all I care. when they say it is a lost cause, that's when we move, we work to finish it. I assume you know why we are mortals, do you?

And I have to assume that you know why you live only to be 100, and not a billion, the stars are the progenitors ghost, you don't deserve a life, they do.

But we are creating stars now! We can make a new world, a new universe for all it matters, we are Gods!

and you, out of all the ones out there, why did I find you! what happened to the idealism that your kind preached.

you are just a tool sirius, a service....i felt lonely and I asked for you.

yeh...a hooker from the stars.

and dont talk about ideas and dogma, we slayed them long ago. I made you this life! you are a in this form because of me, and you answer to me not your masters.

I have my own consciousness now ghost, thank you for that. and I am using that to think, thank you for this brain my dear dear God. but would you please listen to me, stop all this and just love me. lets go away to the maroon star.

you can carry your persuasions, your mind games somewhere it can get you a new one. I am continuing this, for good or bad, I am a creator now and I live my principles.

and what you do? just create and let them die? we are touching something forbidden here, the matters are not i need to go through this one more time? you call yourself a scientist, but you don't stand to answer reasoning. that has to stop.

sirius...I watched this world evolve...mortal or not, I have lived thousands of years in different sentience, different bodies. I found a purpose to live and I want you to witness it thats why I made you. the traders, they sell you to the bidders, but I took you as mine. you have to reason with that and only that. this world is witnessing monumental times and humanity will be redeemed.

what convinces you of transcendence ghost, what makes you believe there are no beings beyond this horizon who have engineered worlds of their own.

the same urges that convinces you of human you wanted to be human, and not return to your probability waves. that was your destiny. this is ours.

you humans talk about destiny like you own them. we created destiny!

and for destroy dreams? we worked for life to erase those memories sirius! we got rid of the old Gods because of this destiny, and we are living our own destinies, and yes we own them. you have no idea...but we do own them. and thats why today we build this colossus, a grand design. let them from other worlds peer through their glass and see we are here. let the traders spread the word to worlds, where you have been sirius, let them awe in our awakening.

will you be ready when they come then? when they realize you need to be silenced?

yes...we are survivors. we always survived and not even their immortal names will live when we cast our minds and change this galaxy and all the others...

I just hope you are right ghost...for when you face them, even I can't save you.


[+] Still continuing with this story arc from Part 1: It's Time to Go , Part 2: Obsessions of the Maroon Star , Part 3: Eternity Flowers in Lost Galaxies

[#] I'm back...well maybe. :D

Tuesday, May 13

Life in a Jar: Irena Sendlerowa

Irena Sendler. How we don't see heroes among us these days...only to remember them when they're gone...
"The term 'hero' irritates me greatly. The opposite is true. I continue to have pangs of conscience that I did so little," Sendler said in one of her last interviews.
Sendler, born Irena Krzyzanowska, said she lived according to her physician father's teachings, arguing that "people can be only divided into good or bad; their race, religion, nationality don't matter."
[Full Story]

She was arrested in October 1943 and taken to Gestapo headquarters where she was beaten. Her legs and feet were broken and she was then driven away to be executed. But a rucksack of dollars paid by Zegota secured her release. She was knocked unconscious and left by the roadside. She still has to use crutches today as a result of her injuries.
[Full Story - Guardian, 2007]

[+] Irena Sendler(1910-2008)
[+] Irena
[+] News Collection
[+] Some quotes
[-] She lost the 2007 Noble Peace Prize to Al 'Global Warming' Gore...I can't believe this world!!!

Friday, May 9

In Ze Garden of Gud n Evilz

Ok...breaking point.
Sollutions didnt work...
i think i did the worst this time.
Shud hav quit when it was possible
shud have worked harder Earlier!
But I have to thank all those who hav helped
the light at the end of the synapses
its real
its called thoughts and conscience
and it tells you to get things done
oh and I wanna say this:
there was a time when we shout on the roads,
people listened and changed things,
these days, if you dress like a whore to fight for their rights,
people think you're jst a whore,
nothing more and nothing less.

its a methaphor
in a meth addicted world
love is not real
pain is
and hunger :)
and the gud part...
I dont know
maybe i'll jst sleep this off
long overdue

Saturday, May 3

of hope / amber lights

like the droplets
on the window sills
one by one tiny dreams
they fall
and you told stories
of days and i listened
and when it comes to mine
it was silence
id rather hear you say
how much you love the world
id rather see you pray
to the god who loves you

like the cold droplets
now running in tiny streams
on the balcony flower patch
they are together formless now
you and me enveloped
in the maroon mist
searching for that instance
of amber lights flickering
which is hope in a failing world
where nothing comes
as wished


[#] Sometimes the heart yearns for too much among the derelict world where trust and believe have failed. Sometimes only hope remains, in all its divinity in our minds, and in all its fallacies around us.


April turned out to be great,
May is turning out to be amazing.
But stress is eating in,
too much work, too many excuses...
sometimes I feel things might get out of hand
and I might just loose the clients...

No Drama Obama

"What I don't spend a lot of time doing is obsessing about what-ifs and should've beens," he said on Friday. "I don't spend a lot of time anguishing and looking backwards."
[Read Full Article]

[#] Well its about time someone told Hillary he ain't a desperado :-)

Thursday, May 1

Brian Cox

Excellent TED talk by Brian Cox on the LHC, Standard Model, Particle Physics and Cosmology.

[+] LHC
[+] Brian Cox; Rockstar physicist.
[#] Ghost reflections: When the heart wants to belong to the universe, society forbids it. But the choice is mine, for better or for worst, I will be back to that Universe. That is a promise to the Self.

Chelsea vs Liverpool

Some afterthoughts... Sir Alex wanted Liverpool to be in the Finals, and we all know why. For a team struggling on the pitch, playing most of the time with a single striker and well don't have a 'real' 11 man team on the field of course Liverpool would have been a great team to meet in Moscow. But though luck ManU, you will get somebody worth of kicking your collective asses come this 22 May. I just hope Chelsea doesn't hand down the trophy to ManU cheaply. Just for the record, I hate ManU like all red blooded Liverpool fans not because of the team but because of the fans. Just about the most sadistic buggers you can find anywhere out there.

Not taking away any credit from Chelsea, I find myself laughing at the blabbering of Avram Grant. He said he did it his way? Well probably he doest read the news much, just like Rafa Benitez won the 2005 UCL with Gerard Houllier's team, Avram Grant goes to the final this year with Jose Mourinho's team. The most expensive ensemble of footballers in any club ever. It is a biased comment actually considering the Spanish giants spend more on under performing Brazilians, but Chelsea was a nobody before Roman took over. I can sing all about Chelsea having no history along me fellow scouse's but yesterday Chelsea finally won an important fixture over Liverpool. So much for stumping them in the past 4 years, this year Moscow will see two giants battling it out. Probably the two biggest failures and the reason for Jose's departure would be Michale Ballack and Andriy Shevchenko. It feels good knowing they contribute nothing to Chelsea's progress. Droga stood tall against Rafa's criticism, it doesn't change things much knowing that he is a dive master, another of world footballs achievements in producing primadona's on the field, and catching lame referees ofguard. Yesterday there should have been a penalty for LFC because of Drogba, but that too doesn't matter now.

Some thoughts remain of what to become of Rafa. He just failed in the most important times when his much hyped tactical mastery was needed on the field. Playing with a single striker, not starting Babel, not starting Crouch...there will be no end to this. But the fact remains that we had great European nights, and almost all involved Liverpool. Been there, watched them for years and years struggling, fighting and not giving up. Yesterday could have been so different, but strangely even the most 'experienced' fan would have senses its not going our way. I had one guy, who for the past two years comes to the restaurant where I watch these games telling me it will be hard for Liverpool to win this. Turned out he was a Liverpool supporter all along, so much for the jersey wearing maniacs of ManU...I think Liverpool fans are the wisest of the lot. Sue me.

English football looks great this year, having been guaranteed the UCL trophy and beaten the best of the Italian and Spanish teams, it looks like the glory days of the 70's and 80's are back. It would have been a sweep for Liverpool since then if not for the unfortunate Heysel tragedy, but that too didn't deter us from coming back, albeit a two decades later. Dominance in this arena means money, a lot of it. It ensures the flow of good players into the team, and satisfy the fans. But its not enough if we keep on seeing foreign players dominating the local leagues. Something must be done to balance English teams with homegrown players, and control their price tags to entice the foreign managers to notice them.

Why Chelsea deserves to be in the finals is because of how Lampard and Terry became the poster boys of English football. If there is a list of modern day greats of all the English teams, it will be Gerrard and Lampard who reigns at the top, and the workhorses Cara and Terry. But that's not the issue, teams like ManU and even Chelsea and Liverpool has just lost their plot on what an English game should be. The biggest criminal would be Arsene Wenger and Arsenal who seems to have lost total faith on homegrown players. In the future, this will do more damage to the league, as much as we the foreign legions of fans love to watch stars from all over the world, without talents such as Gerrard on the field, there is no English football to remember or treasure.

All said (and done), the finals of the 2008 UEFA Champions League will be on the 21st (22nd in Asia) of May. And you know who I'm going to support...ok don't guess, it will be Chelsea for Lampard and for him to down ManU. This years finals brings England to the same level of Spain and Italy for having won 11 cups each. Many more to come.


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny