Thursday, February 28

Assume

assume you are correct and others are wrong
assuming others are like that
assuming you needed attention
assuming you pretend to care
assume you dont care what they say
assuming that they know what you say
assume you know the rules
assuming the world goes by that rule
assume you are correct
but you are not

[+] The strangest things at 4 am, and its not even a poem. Its just about life, and how others think of it and how I love to assume they are wrong.

Wednesday, February 27

When Do You Become Someone?

I always think of a very good reason before I call home. When I was back in the university, it is mostly for money, never for advice. When I was doing (the now dead) postgrad studies it was slightly less about money, more because I was homesick and never for advice. And now when I got myself a decent job, albeit not a permanent one, I call home just to say hi. But every single time I am reduced to that depths of depression when I call people who somehow always, ALWAYS make me feel stupid and lost.

Its about lost hopes, and our families are not responsible for it but they go to all the unnecessary lengths to make it like we blew it big time. Well tough luck, sorry to give you the bad new, it has been blown, trashed, fcked to significantly insignificant proportions.

Before I go further, to the geniuses who seems to somehow find all the time in the world to advice my family on what is good and bad for me, and just happen to read my blog, please do go tell them what I wrote here too. Don't worry, I don't have anything against anyone, you are helping, but your ways doesn't sync with my path in life.

Somehow inside this huge, menacing looking self, there is a very emotional person. People don't realise that because I don't show it, never did to the men on the street and probably never will. And I hide this by being overly protective, judgmental, rude, strict and strangely enough very kind (when I'm in a good mood) to people. People who have been following my trash stories over the past 3 years would know me well. Those who have spent a lifetime with me know this well, but they are too stuck in their dimensions of right and wrong that they pretend not to know. Because I have been bad to hide my true self. I need this, everyone needs a shield to protect themselves from opportunist and fear mongers.

I don't need for people to tell me I'm getting old, I'm going to hit 30 and I need to get married, get a job, get life... What is life? Is it a crime for someone to have the capability to 'read' whats happening around himself, around the world, to people and their relationships and make a decision to 'document' it rather than follow it blindly. I don't want to join the herd. Make sense of it, spend some time studying me. I am smart, well beyond most people, and god forbid when I get my experiments with this life together I will be formidable. I am not a dictator, I am human. I want to live and do something, I don't want to live and waste everything. I can survive with a glass of water and some bread. I don't need pity because for all I knew, I did not get a genuine one. I am human and I know what pain is. I have scars that no one can heal. My deal with God is my path in life to either live it or loose it all. But hey, have I lost it before? No, and people know that. Because I am a survivor. Just because I am a devil and I am in a rut right now doesn't mean that I can be pushed around.

It is not my decision to become this, but it is the path, don't deny the path. Don't know what the path is, well why do you wake up tomorrow? Why don't you plan to wake up to do something tomorrow? That is the path. That is the way in life. I think I have found it, many times I did just to see it disappear, but the good things is that I learned about it. I learned alot, I learned more that anyone. I am egoistic, but its my principle. I want everyone to be good, I don't like liars, I lie for the good of people. I care. I believe in you.

I don't believe in marriage. But I believe in Love. I didn't get the love i wanted, I didn't get the kindness and leverage in life that I needed. Most did, and they don't have the right to judge me. Yet again, it is not about you, if you feel its directed to you. It is not about you, its about the ones behind you. The vultures. Those who don't die without sipping the blood of the weak. The problem with me and marriage is that I did not pass through love. I loved many, but I just didn't make the standard, they didn't make the cut, they are not human in my eyes. They are like aristocrat poets, they are fake, they see a made up world, made up by their lazy imaginations. They are fake. My love is real, but I grew up as an orthodox in a strange but content religion called Hinduism. More than the name, I love the colors and smell and culture. They did not permit me to do anything outside the boundary, hence i did not fall in love. Then came a period where responsibility mattered more that love and other lesser facets of life. So I decided to let go of it altogether and do my work, do what I need to do to survive. I shut out the door, then, and then why now is everyone asking me to open it and get married? Why is this parade of lies, when I am sure I wont find anyone I love anymore?

Reflect. I have came this far, I wont fail. But I have to follow my ways. Don't deny me my rights to do what I want. I am sure the sums will total up, I will clear the next hurdle, and the next, and then unlock the final doors before death. I will live till then. I will change things, I will make people happy, but never for once force me to do it before its time. I am working, I am doing what I want to do, I am happy. This is a lie, but I am good at hiding my sorrows. Those who know me wont know this, those who know me but who have not met me would understand some of this. Its about the pain of others than pain me most. The deepest scars in me are scars of others. The pain and my touch has carved many fountains for the famine suffering minds, but I will live without a drop of water for what I believe. I am human.

Please don't ask me to do something I am not ready for. Please don't ask me to become someone I don't want to. Please don't judge me for what I am not, judge all you want, but judge me for real. Please don't ask me to stop, I cant. Please don't ask me to think for something you believe would be good for me, it wont be, because I did not think of it. Please understand that it is not alright to make me sad, I cant take it. Please don't think I am rich, please don't think I can provide all, I cant and even if I want to, not to everyone. Please don't consider I am not the one you can attribute with the others, I am myself. Please don't make me cry, I have cried enough, I have seen enough sorrow to make me die. I didn't because I wanted to make things right.

Sorry for the false self, it is for your own good. When I become someone, and I think I am 'someone', you will see me smile from my true heart. Till then, no salvation on earth shall redeem your sins towards me, as does no God will forgive my sins that I did in order to protect everyone around me.

Monday, February 25

The 80th Oscars

Talent and Class

Jon Stewart was too good,
the show was simple and 'short',
the winners are from around the World!
and Daniel Day-Lewis was as excellent as ever.

And the music was magical because they dared to dream
Time to dig into more movies and work...
Have a nice week ahead everyone!

Wednesday, February 20

Gmail in 37 Languages

[Updated Feb 20, 11.22] It's Back! This is freaky :D
[Updated Feb 20] Hey, the Malay option is gone! gasp! this is not fair, Google is just testing out the languages or was it launched already? Hmmm....

Gmail introduced 37 languages for its new version interface starting February 13. The languages includes popular Asian languages such as Malay, Bahasa Indonesia, Tagalog, Thai, Chinese and Hindi. Naturally I'd be waiting for Tamil soon.

This is the Malay interface, the terms and flow of the language is good, in all the translation is very good.

The F Word!

Guess What!
Astro didn't sensor todays Seinfeld! (I'll get the episode later)
Mwahahahahahah!
Elaine just said a big fat FUCK to Seinfeld! "Cramer just totally fucked up my matress!"
I heard it, I heard it you bloody Astro. Whatcha gotta say now?!
(yeh I am being dramatic...coz I havent slept in 18 hours...)
And there's more reason to be happy...finally I am waiting for the demise of the satellite TV subscription...next few days....then its going to be really damn sweet...sweeeet! Grrrr....HAHAHAHAHA.... :D:D:D
Oh...Liverpool totally kicked Inter's ass back to Italy! Take that Materazzi you racist bugger!
Doink!
Where am I going to watch footie if I don't have a satellite connection!
:-(

Tuesday, February 19

2.22

it's 2.22
my house mate has been yakking on the phone for the last 2 hours!
hope his ears burn and fall off
I am procrastinating
deliberating my next move
whether to sleep or work
or to eat
I hear freaky sounds
from the staircase at the end of the block
or maybe the lift just falling off
with somebody inside
then I have a real cause
to move away from this apartment
today I celebrate something
which I forgot
just like how I forgot the deadline yesterday
I am happy to be non aligned with anything
a non aligned ghost...NAG...huh! forget it
deliberation
deliberating
defibrillator
demagogic
d-mango
:D
this is not a poem
i just mentioned reverse psycho effect to Solitaire
is there such a thing
(by now you would have realized
that either I don't have no idea whatsoever to write a decent post,
or I am lazy to bring out the idea and elaborate it,
or I am just lazy
too lazy
to type)
...
!

Sunday, February 17

Zucchero

Senza Una Donna - Without a Woman
A rare gem indeed.

[+] Senza Una Donna (Duet with Paul Young)
[+] Baila Morena (another great hit of Zucchero)
[+] Zucchero
[+] Zucchero Wiki
[#] My 700th post.

Saturday, February 16

Where is the Freedom (of Democracy)?

[Update] Despite the crackdown in Kuala Lumpur, the rally went on around the world. Probably its time the authorities listen to the Indian community and remove the MIC Leader Samy Vellu, it's clearly a protest against him.
The Star [160 held after illegal ‘rose rally’]
"From the total, 151 were later released, including rally coordinator S. Manickavasagam and Hindraf adviser R. Raguram. Also released was an 11-year-old girl."
More photo updates[Rose4PM].
Article from BMahendran [love for the country...]
Send your reports and photos to BBC [ Malaysian police break up protest]. Scroll to the end of the article.
[CNN Article]

[Update 5pm] No new updates, the same story cycling in BBC, AlJazeera. I think everything is calm now (?). Will be waiting to find out about BMahen later tonight (updated 5.30pm; he is released from the temporary detention, he just updated in his sites shoutbox).

Sometimes I wonder if we Indians here has just turned into crowd followers, like following headers to listen to everything the opposition politicians say and do blindly things that should not be done. But then again another group of us will always say that we need a voice and we need people to make the government listen that we are not treated well, we are not doing well and we need our rights back and we need help. I don't know where I stand. It's so easy to lie and influence people to do stupid things, but when it comes to take the responsibility for change, no one will come forward. I will be doing my part in the coming elections, I hope all Indians here will do the same. For now, freedom is silenced, democracy is corrupted...just like the rest of the world :-(

[Updated 3.30pm] The organizers of the rally has a lot to answer, Why did they bring children to an illegal rally?
The detained children has been released (?) The rest of the detainees will be released by 5pm today. (Unconfirmed reports)
Aljazeera news update reports that the rally is by Hindraf.

[Updates] As more reports come in, it seems children who were at the march were picked up by the police and brought to a social center. (unconfirmed reports)

A peaceful 'Campaign of Roses' by Malaysian Indians has been disrupted by the riot police near the Parliamnet House, in KL. Police have refused permit for this gathering, planned for few weeks.
[+] AlJazeera [Hindu Protest Broken Up in Malaysia]. No video news update from AlJazeera yet, waiting for the next news update in 20 mins [RealPlayer News Update]. Just paste the link in your real player if the page doesn't load.

[+] Blogger BMahendran was arrested, among a few hundred others (unconfirmed reports). Blogger Ammu confirmed that Mahendran is detained with many others at a police training center in the city.

[+] Campaign of Roses [With photos, running update]

[+] Photo updates from [BMahendaran] (Server is slow, please check back, don't refresh too many times!).

[+] BBC updates [Malaysian police break up protest].

[+] Video update from Malaysiakini.tv

[Disclaimer: I, the owner of this site, DOES NOT support or condone any acts relating to this rally. This post is just for historical purposes -GP, 1.40pm, 16/02/08]

Wednesday, February 13

I Am Superman

I Think.

I think I am Superman,
without the powers
And everyone around me is Dr. Octopus,
with 100 times superpowers
You see how my demons,
are not even from the same universe!
I honestly think,
all this is a big curse

It's not strange that,
people don't know I don't have powers
As I stand from my balcony,
I imagine looking at them from the tallest towers
They ask me to rescue them,
without realizing I cant fly
And all I can do,
is give up and cry

I think I am Superman,
without the powers
The world's in trouble,
and I send tributes of flowers
Sometimes delusions blind me,
even I don't know this
I want to see through walls,
but all that shall remain a wish

The girl across the street,
she's in my dreams
To make her my heroin,
I go to the extremes
I wore a cape,
kissed her in the rain
After that,
all I can remember is the pain

-gp08-

[#] GP, killing poetry since 1979.

Monday, February 11

Music is Dead

And they continue to glorify junkies and suicidal maniacs....all hail freedom of expression. Rubbish like Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears should be put in jail for a very long time. With all the money they have, you'd think they would at least lead a good life...Good music is dying. At this rate, every drug addict, etc can come out with a record and sell millions to unsuspecting teenagers who would eventually follow the crap their idols are doing. Yes, the fans are immature, thats why this 'new age' artists can be considered to be unique and fresh. Along with whatever hard core stupid stuff that comes from hip hop and rap. This is not to say they are not talented, but their personal problems are not for us, it is not right, we have the right to judge what should be known and shown to the younger fans. So ban the news or ban the source?
(Or maybe I'm just way too old for award shows and 21st century popular music?)

It's a mad world...


Sunday, February 10

Eternal Nights of a Ghost Mind

Cindy tagged me...here goes...

1. Name Three Most Valuable Assets?
My Computer, Brain and Books.

2. If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
Get enough sleep, don't be like me.

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
Fred, Keshi, Miladysa, Nachi, Nayan, Cindy, Pauline, HE, Gautami, Ramya, my brother Jeevan, Kavi, Karthi ...(there is no way I can single out only 3 out of all the people who gave me a new life, no way ever).

4.Where is the place that you want to go the most?
India: to ask her why she let her children wander the world a long time ago and left them yearning.

5.If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
My dream to justify the past 5 years which I choose to strike out on my own path and failed to make people understand.

6.Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
Not being wiser to see the correct path every time I go wrong (if this can be called a 'moment').

7.What are you afraid to lose the most?
My very strong emotions. From which gives me the ability to love and care (and cry) deeper than ever.

8.What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
Probably fall into fever for a few days and then will go get a laptop, a car, a house and then give away the rest. I'm so materialistic, I know...but I'm just too tired of riding my bike in the rain...

9.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Nope, it wont happen. I'm just a big chicken ghost.

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you...
Cinderella a.k.a Pallavi.
About her :
1. Her smile, which means that she loves the world and everyone with her high spirits.
2. She always asks ; 'Wait...how do you know that?, did I tell you that?'. That's cute...Lol!
3. Her no reservation attitude which is very intelligent because she knows she is right, and so do the ones she smacks with her wise words in moments of insanity.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
I've always set a rule that the other person is just me in an opposite gender. Which wont happen in the real world. I have problems in curbing other's freedom, which I think what marriage is all about. But for thousands of years people made it happen, so I think I'm just having commitment problems. But if I ever get hooked, i just want the other person to be there for me when I need her the most, because I know I will and have always been to the people I care about.

12.Which type of person do you hate the most?
Those who lie, and they know I know they're lying, and then continue to lie.

13.What is your ambition?
To do something for the world that I will be remembered of, not in name, but in deeds. I think I am doing this by being a translator for some of the most important linguistic projects, but I must improve more and be true to my job.

14.What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
The opportunist who doesn't care about others who are in crippling situations.

15.Christmas is coming, who do you like to celebrate with?
Myself...just like what I did for the past 28 revolutions around the sun.

16.If you could do one thing different in life, what would it be?
Never did my Masters and failed miserably.

17.Are you a shopaholic or no?
Not very because I'm lazy to go to the mall. But if I do go...I get exited and go on a binge buying trail which eventually will flood my fridge with things and food I don't want to eat... :(

18.What is your stress buster?
Seriously I don't know...wish I know, but I don't which makes it very bad because I fall sick often when I'm overstressed.

19. In 50 years time, what will family relations become?
I think we wont be looking inside anymore, the rat race will become unbearable that the family will be broken during young. It is sad, but it might be true.

20. Is there God?
I hope yes, because I really need to know why he lets people kill others for their beliefs, way of life, clothing, friends, marriage, gender and things they learn.

[+] Cindy's Questions:
19. (My qus no.1) How important is love for you to get physically intimate with a person ? Be honest here. Not rational.
Is kissing a physically intimate act. I want to just hug and caress the hair. Something that means connection. I still cant think of the reality of sex, but if that really means love, then it should be to celebrate love.

20. ( My qus no.2) How do you deal with a friend who has wronged you ?
My way is to never forgive them. If they are dangerous or sadistic or can wreck you again, then keep them close because it can save lives.

[#] Since I'm the last to do this tag, I don't know the 8 people who will do it...oh wait! Miladysa, Pauline, Nachi, HE and Jeevan! You guys are so tagged! :P
The rules are simple, do this tag, just remove ONE question from it and make it your own. I actually removed the last TWO questions, so feel free to improvise. If possible please add my last two Q to your tag.

Saturday, February 9

Tempus Confinis

in the vague search for originality, we draw lines curved to be different from the other.
the crossings was a bad memory everyone tries to erase, the lines should not be the same, straight lines mean same ideas, the melting sea, the corroding winds, the timeless sun, all are same.
the unmoving poisonous universe, not breeding difference but similarity all over, the same endless strings and atoms and matter and nebula.
no end.

Friday, February 8

Another 4 am post....

Just finished reading half of the blogs in my roll. But cant seem to comment in any. Feels like I leave the lamest comments in most of the blogs. I get spaced out so easily, ridiculous attention span. Will try again tomorrow.
Been listening to the same song looped since last night. Nice Tamil song (someone Youtubed it):

Had a breather from work today...since its the CNY and no client or agency will be at work. But nope, not everyone in the world celebrates this holiday, so probably I'll get more files in the morning. I think I'm turning into a robot. My brain(s) exercises 16 hours a day, pity that I don't.
This is a melancholic rant post.
How you guys been? 2008 is fast, very fast right?
Went to a numerologist /astrologer last Saturday. Looks like I'm getting married this year...which means only one thing. I need to get my passport ASAP and get my ass out of this country for a few years. Ghosts don't get married. Please God, no.
On a sadder note, it seems my migraine will continue till 2011, and will get worst along the way. Something even the doctor doesn't know. Ponstan, Cafergot, Tramadol, Stimetil...did I miss anything? oh yeh...to kill myself.
Whats the worst thing that can happen if you don't change?
Was trying to fill in gap between work by cleaning the hard drive of my PC and sorting my emails. Seems like my mind is at peace now since I ditched my MSc. Seems like it. So the files, I think I have like 220 gigs of data right now, and I've decided not to delete any. I'm going to collect them, all giga, tera, peta bytes of em...till it fills the entire world I wont stop. I had a dream, and the dream is Information. I'm going to keep them, sort them and arrange them for the good of humankind. (Que for an entry like...please give me a job, Google...)
Going to watch some movies now...and read some books later...all 243 of them books in cryostasis in the room...
Take care, be safe, smile always.
Alls well that ends well.

Wednesday, February 6

Or

The opportunity to nominate a woman or an African-American to lead their party’s effort to reclaim the White House.
[NYT]
[#] So its reduced to gender OR color?


[#] Been very busy guys, will be back soon! TC all. Happy holidays if you celebrate The Spring Festival, Lunar, Chinese New Year.

Monday, February 4

Mess

Serious mess.
Maybe if I just ignore it, in one or two days it will clean itself.
Happy Start of the Week.
sigh....


[+] Tagging everyone, snap ur messy workstation and post it in ur blogs. leave me a msg here.

Saturday, February 2

Believe in Me

at no point did i stop believing
that something could be done
to make things better
if only the world knew
how to answer

when

it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny