Sunday, January 14

Metamorphosis 3

If life is as easy as dropping things you're doing right now and morphing into something else, someone new, then I would be a changed man by tomorrow. But life is not that easy. I appreciate the comments in M2, especially what Sojourner said. In reality and in dreams, the best thing is to do it first, to get your hands dirty then face the future. Kavi was true to say that what really happens, even though we want so much and desire so much but we can only have so little (and definitely I will meet you soon for a chat!). But I think Nayan struck the right cord here. Sivanesan in real life is a coward to face reality. I tried so much, sometimes numbing myself to death, unable to wake up in the mornings to face the day. But all this is because the opportunities are scarce and the winners are who suck up the most. It's not that I dont want things to be good, I want to get the right things. Thats the most important metamorphism that anyone can want. Even when you beg for food or attention or anything, some keys must be in your likings, the rest can be chaotic. I am a coward to face real life but then again in general, like Kavi said, we all want to do something good for the world first. Did I not do it? Or should I just shut up telling everyone what I did, and just continue doing it? Pauline and Alex was right too in saying I must be very clear in my objectives, be realistic and finally just doing it. If only I had the rights to my future. You are right there Kavi, we are incapable sometimes of our own life.

Another massive factor in all this transformation is my age. Being 27 and being jobless, with no clear direction to the future is like suicide. If its not bad luck, then I dont know what it is, but I just dont stay on a job too long. Not that I've hopped too much, its just the interviewers either thing I'm over qualified or they keep digging my past results, especially mathematics where I suck, badly. Now, that's surely a first for you guys; a physicist who sucks in math. But its true. So tell me, what does age signify in all this? I dont have head hunters lining up on my doorstep offering me a job, I dont have the guts to even apply to a new job because I could not finish my masters, which I found out recently will take another semester. It's all a big gamble, and in the end among some of the losers is me. If I followed the books, I would either been an engineer or a teacher by now. But I dumped everything to do the Masters and to possibly end up with a Phd in physics. But sometimes it's evident that you are not smart enough. You are right on the buck there Nayan. I am not smart enough and I am not energetic enough to stop being a coward. I fear the word fear. Bad decisions cost me a lot and might even cost me my life.

A metamorphism happens for the better of the person. Something like transcendence, taking the soul to another level. Higher or parallel is just a matter of choice. But this road to a better person means that chance, as said in previous posts must be present. And this chance, or open road must be clear. Why do I use must? Because I think the world owes me that much. I am asking for this chance. I know what a lot of people been through, and how they handled my situation, but I came to a conclusion that being 27, the eldest in the family and jobless is bad. Its worst when you have siblings who doesnt care much and relatives who doesnt give a damn of you. It's all bad blood, literally, because when you need a helping hand, badly, they will come with loads of advice and try hard to get you hooked into something that can save your ass, but will you be able to appreciate it? There lies the conundrum of man. He wants help, but no amount of help will matter much because he wont like it because he did not make it happen himself. So in the end this cry for help is just a cushion to think that there are people out there who are willing to do something for you. But a man really needs help.

But all this certainly doesnt justify why we must be stuck in a never ending journey with no solid outcome. Solidarity of the mind, not the chaotic revelations that keep on being dumped on you day after day is what everyone needs. Chances were give, wrong ones, right ones, but where do it start and when does it end? We are incapable of finding the right roads, taking the right junctions because like the timeless saying, No Man Is An Island. But doesnt a man need to find a compatible person? A partner in crime to bring out the best in each and everyone? That I will forever yearn for.

I can tell everyone now that if there is a road to free myself from my cocoon I will do it, but at least make it less painful. I always think the grass is greener on the other side because simply I tasted everything this place has to offer and it will continue to shackle everyone into their seats and kill their dreams. This is a dry country with no innocence. No pure drive for the better of science or technology. This is a beautiful country but it wont take you to the moon. A mans roots will eventually tug so hard that it will forever snatch some of the dreams away. Thats the nature of man, not the causes he fights for.

Nature, cant be erased, but tomorrows can be changed. I will do that.


alex said...


When we come to a cross road and we have to take a decision. We take one which we think is best at that time.

And we try to do our best after having taken that decision. And when something goes wrong, people might say that we made a wrong choice. I do not feel so.

Out of whatever what happens, do our best.

And it all depends on what we want in life. For me, the greatest thing, is to be at peace with myself.

Nahuatl said...

Bro, there is nothing wrong in this world, so is good.

You are stuck in a circle. Breaking up will need lot of energy or u will keep on following Newton's laws.

Whatever happens, I am always with you.

Anonymous said...

when u are overqualified, isnt it possible to convince them that that will not be a factor which affects your work? doesnt extra qualifications imply better work? or atleast equal?
all the best GP...

Obe one Cannot Be said...

wallowing in self pity do not my padawan,awake and sieze the moment: look not for the dark side instead see the light,in it all will be shown.

Pauline said...

Had to return and read these comments you made. Sorry you are "temporarily" in a difficult place. This happens to all of us; use the time to oversee your objectives and your challenges. Take a little time for yourself to sort life out.I pray your comments were pure drama and that your heart is not so very heavy.Think positive happy thoughts and they will arrive. Life is cyclical. Best wishes and prayers for success and contentedness!


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny