Sunday, December 31


Happy New Year to all my friends and everyone who reads this blog. May 2007 be a wonderful and prosperous year for you and your family.

Thursday, December 28

Your Silence Mirrors Mine

Today is my 2nd last day at work. Came in rather early (which in my case is about 30 minutes past the swipe in time), saw the office half empty. Spent the first half of the morning trying to get my pay released earlier which did not happen, spent the second half doing brunch. Fumbled through the farewell speech during the farewell lunch but it was ok since there were a dozen more sad souls being 'retired' today. Spent the rest of the office hours watching Liverpool FC's May 2005 Champions League triumph videos. Sucked in much needed inspiration, since next week I don't have to wake up at 6 am anymore for a while, which roughly translates that I would turn into a jobless bum.

Right now, I'm the only guy left in the office, there's a strange silence today, even the keyboard did not rattle much the frozen time. I would say, this past year has been very good for me. If the only goals in life is to meet new people, then I exceeded it with flying colors. But the goals of life is to learn and never stop learning. Learn everything, the good and the bad included. Remember Star Wars? You have to master both the extremes of good and evil to strike the balance in life. So where is this silence coming from?

There are certainly no regrets in me taking this job. It cleared the path to many interesting possibilities, many crossroads that presented doors to new abilities and results. But the most important thing is to manage the days and the openings because quite typically, we humans cannot do so many things at the same time. What's left of a day is only the remains of time, the sparkles of memories, never new possibilities. New possibilities are born tomorrow, the day after and the future. So at the end of the day, we have fulfilled another destiny, not by luck but by perseverance.

And the people we leave behind. You must agree that the world is simply too big for us to pigeon hole at one place. So we laughed, we cried and hugged and sang songs, but then there are many more waiting. Many events and histories to write off, many days to enjoy the sunsets. But where are the new people? How do we seek them? For this I have no answer, but maybe time will mirror the future for me and you. And for now, your silence mirrors mine.
...point of origin...

If I could imagine days of never ending sunsets, where parts of the sky are painted in golden orange hues, with clouds combing through the atmosphere in long streaks like fingers through hairs of beautiful maidens. And if I could add a bonfire where the woods crackle to the raging inferno creating semi-mechanical music that for all its effort does not disturb you and me. And in between this grand setting, if I could imagine you, a beautiful soul stranded on the beach with a hope mirroring mine and a passion slightly more and a touch insanely divine. Why, if I could imagine all this, I believe you could conjure a visions much grander, for tonight and every night. Amour.
[+] Keep sending in your stories guys, there's still time till the 31st.

[-] For everyone leaving for early holidays, have a wonderful New Year!

Wednesday, December 27


Why do you aspire to be someone you're not?
Why do you want something that you can't have?
Why do you believe something you can't prove?
Why do you go the distance for something that you can't achieve?
Why do you live for someone who doesn't live for you?
Why another day when you don't even own today?

Because you're romantic, idealist, fighter, hero, crusader, (blogger?), dreamer...

Tuesday, December 26

2007, Return to the Roots

Has it been 7 years since the year 2000? Seems just like yesterday... but don't we say the same thing all the time. I wake up everyday thinking of tomorrow, am I running away from the past, again? Sometimes it feels like we never matured beyond the barbaric middle ages. What can we aspire if not peace, another safe day for everyone, food on the table an endless love. Aspirations, the will and results. Causalities in space time, or just cause and effect in our daily lives.

They say, there is no written objectives for us, what we want to today or tomorrow. Blogging is just for fun, yesterday. But today even big corps have blog pages in their corporate sites. Students, 10 year olds, babies (pseudo blogging that is), to astronauts. We spend time foraging through the lives of other netizens, the denizens of the new age, the neo-citizens of a future still not bright enough, the earth dwellers in a chaotic earth, itself undergoing multitude of changes charted or uncharted. Likewise, others dictate our lives, even some millisecond of it so that we can relate to them what we do next. Or do what they relate to us. Causality.

What among this metallic universe that we live in that banishes our physical self and let us thrive in the electrons wave functions, the very letters we type in made of trillions of particles crossing space and time to every degree of the living world (and space), what drives us?

I had a dream, that this blog could change the world, could define moments, capture defining moments and reveal the truth. Some aspiration, it is true that this world needs some workings, some tweak up because the politics have eaten the fundamental foundations of the society. I believed I was influential enough to discover the truths and spread the message to the readers. Maturity has nothing to do with this, but courage and honour. But to what cost? I see around me bloggers falling to the pressure of politics and the powers that be. I see ideologies burnt to the ground, lives decimated because they choose to speak the forbidden. Like leaves on a rainy day, no matter if its green or grey, their ideas were struck down systematically. For what is all this? We have chosen to protect our rights, but the powers of politics are too big for me and you to handle. Let the forbidden words lay forbidden, let history judge them who walk over us.
From 2007 onwards, there will be NO political posting regarding Malaysia in this blog. There will be NO more tweaking of ideas, fine tuning my capabilities, flexing of my non existence muscles trying to go on an ego trip to reveal why gun shots happened, why temples are demolished, why racial policies kill dreams or why everything runs this way and that. There will be no more questioning of other ideologies that may pass my road, that when I come to a crossroad of believes, I wont question their motives. There wont be political domino theories featured here or anywhere I blog. For all the devils that transcends this landscape, let time judge them. The weapons of time is more painful that any words written, its traces are legacies written for the future to learn. Let them all wither in the tapestry of time, the majestic beauty that kills even the mightiest. Celebrate all you want, let your cohorts bask in golden wine, for tomorrow, time will judge you.
From 2007 onwards, this blog will celebrate life, will truncate the negative waves of the devil humanity and bring out the roots of our difference. From difference we find colors, beauty and the real humanity. From the colors we trace patterns of ideas, from beauty we find respect and love and in humanity we find relations. Why waste talking about some rubbish that would never die when we can build a great utopia of peace and freedom. Lets live our lives. Lets return to our roots.

[+] Have problems hosting images in bloggers or using the IMG tag in the new blogger?Head here;[phydeaux3]

- the ghost of you - short story contest

I have so far received 8 story submissions. Over 20 blogger's confirmed their participations. The deadline is on the 30th December.

Saturday, December 23

Another Year in the Time Space Continuum

Dear Friends,

2006 have been a wonderful year for everyone. We fulfilled many aspirations, walked on through sad times, faced with impossible tasks and we still walked on because we had the determination and will. Humans, we are creatures seeking the comfort of a nights sleep, a meal to satisfy our hunger and a will to carry on another day. And more that that, we are seeking the love and touch of one another. We are special in that way and we can give more in many ways. The will to carry on is such that we can look past any challenge and look beyond any problem. Every fall is a lesson for us to learn to stand up, to fall again and to stand up again. If the universe itself has cycles of creation and destruction, the where do we humans differ. We differ in the deeds we do, the lives we touch and how we live through the days.

Today there are many pain and suffering around the world, we are living beyond our means, pressuring the earth to bleed out more that it ever could. But all this are temporary for a maturing civilizations. We are just children in the ballpark trying to hit the perfect game thats happening in the future. But for once, maybe we can learn to do it the right way, to lessen the burden. The power to change is in our hands, yet we are blinded by racial politics, by motivations of greed and lust. But for what are these motivations if tomorrow is destroyed? Where do we spend our gains if the world is a war zone?

Where is this power you may ask, because in front of us, our hand is open bare with nothing to move. The force to change is within you and more than that when we stand as a group, then the will is stronger and bigger. We must voice out what we think can change the system, can bring a better future for everyone. We are all winners if we work together, we are losers if we stop for rest on a rainy day. Thats what happening today. Why go for the short term gains, why be the opportunist when you know someone else deserving might suffer? Get in the movement so that you can be the deserving one too. Learn new things, see new places so that the will as a group, the will of the human race transcends beyond the greed of race, religion and money. We can do it, trust me, we can achieve anything if we stop to pickup a friend and listen to to grievance of the dying world.

When 2007 dawns, there will be many changes, many resolutions, new governance, countries changing, borders erased, more natural disasters, inflation, market crash, new jobs, less jobs, war, the essence of the changing facades of the human race. But haven't we gone through all this since the dawn of humans? The will of the land, lets call it that way, has forced man to fight for dirt, to fight for power. But seldom did we use the power to bring a better life to the people of Sudan, the continent of Africa forever shrouded in dark rain, the political discriminations in Asia, and throughout the world. It's good that we can see the suffering now because today we are facing the reality that is not mere myth. But until when do we want to wait for a change, until when do we want to build our luxuries and pretend that we can help once we can afford to help. The capabilities are there for us to change now, today at this right moment. Do it today.

2007 will also mark the 3rd blogging year for many of my endeavors, many experiments in the flow of time. Everything is relative here in the cyberworld, the platform is here for everyone, it's just the time spend that matters more. The efforts will bear fruit if the correct steps are taken. The Earth 2050 project has been a great success because it managed to gather and inspire many bloggers to participate. In 2007 this group will finally be molded into its true goal, thats a promise I will make and achieve in the new year. We will chart the future as outlined when the group was started. The Ghost Particle Project started as a personal project, but through the vision and will of many loved ones, it broke barriers and achieved wonderful things. We will not stop here, the future is for everyone, the Ghost Particle Project will look into inspiring and changing the current generation to look into communities and how to seed the changes itself. The - ghost of you - short story contest is just the start of many wonderful things to come. I hope the level of support and commitment given by everyone will grow to greater heights in the years to come.

Human+Universe, Earth 2050 ,The Ghost Particle Project and The CosmicCode Institute would like to wish everyone

Thursday, December 21


Another question from me, (and I do have a lot more coming before we hit the new year).
How or what do you term the most desperate times you were in? What is desperation of the human mind? Is it the time when all the colors of the world reveal themselves and tell us that there is no salvation other than your own hard work? Is it the time when everywhere you look, people just walk past you numbed down by their own problems, zombies in desperate times and you are still there begging for help and attention? What is the desperation of mind? When you can't think or when you can feed yourself to sustain a mind?
Someone told me I'm not desperate enough to know the pain of life? I did not face it all it seems that I don't know whats in store tomorrow, what it means to be alive. That someone also called me a stupid. I did not answer him, I don't know what to answer him.
I stood there in need of a helping hand and a hand came from thousands of miles away to guide me. I sat there having lost every bit of sanity and there came someone who trusted me to carry on. I lay there depressed and dejected, and there are still someone who put aside everything that happened in the past to come and talk to me. I sheltered under the tree during rain and thunder and there was someone who came to warm me up, to show me the dry path. There were times I was blinded by scriptures and smokes and someone still came to me for the better days ahead. When I was heartbroken trying to forget yesterday and push away tomorrow, someone still came there telling me who I am and why I need to go on. I lay there, as an open book, I don't hide, I know everyone have problems, but I don't deny you. I was there remember, when you came and said "Maybe you should do this, maybe this will work". I was there. Now, more than ever I asked myself, why did I come along this road, why wasn't I with the rest of them, was it my mistake? You know, of all the persons I knew, I hated and I loved, I don't have anything against you or against them. It's in the moments of desperation that you choose to close your eyes and your heart that made us stay away. We were there, but you stayed away thinking we would not understand. Don't you know that we were in desperation too? The when there is no more we, and there was I alone you stayed away. As I blindly rode through the mist and fire, someone was there to clear that path I took and I never forgot that. Was it my mistake that I don't know how to show emotions? Or was it my fault that I am only one and I could not be there all the time?
And now I want to give back, so that I know who you really are. Then came this posse who thinks I'm stupid. Of all the revelry and times and still under the guise of brotherhood someone still calls me stupid. How depressing is it when someone says you are stupid when you know it's not your decision to be this. Aren't this all important? What we are doing today, aren't all this important?

Tell me something, do we choose to do something stupid or does time makes the decision?

When is your most desperate moment? Tell me, and I will be there for you.

Wednesday, December 20

Blogging for the 2nd Year

And so it ends (and starts) this way...

Something, something...
Yesterday was this blogs 2nd Anniversary. So we are entering year 3 full of expectations and energy, waiting (still) to change the world. Cheers!

A few things I swore not to do last week, but I did it anyway! First of all I switched to blogger (not beta anymore) because heck...gooogle paid me a billion bucks and asked me to do so :p ...okay who am I kidding to, it seems all the Ancient Bloggers will be slowly 'retired' into the new Blogger. Well I don't want to wait till then, coz it might turn ugly, so I switched in today. For all the team blog members from 2050, your upgrade mails will come soon. If you wish to blog further in 2050, you have to switch. Sorry for the inconvenience, but don't we all want change! For the better I hope. (and they dumped beta on my blog's anniversary, how could I say no... :) )

Next, I made a pledge to myself to loose weight and stop reading conspiracy theory stuff on the net. Well, guess what, both did not happen! I think I've gained weight eating all this medicine and just went through a horrid 2 hours reading the political predictions of 2007. All I can say is that the USD will surely collapse if China has its way and the moon is really made of cheese. All hail the Spaghetti Meatball monster. Amen. And yes, havent touched my thesis yet...there is exactly 36 hours left till this semester ends. Life surely aint good on this site of the world.
[+] Keep the entries for the -ghost of you, short story contest- coming folks, there's 10 more days till the deadline!

Tuesday, December 19

Interstellar Postman

When you are feeling down, sick or in depression, your brain dissolves and doesn't catch fire easily. So the other day when you really wanted to go to the ball park, you did not, well that was a good decision anyway. Because you would have not felt anything there. Not even the giant 4-D screen hanging in the middle of the ball park, displaying every single reminiscent shot from the 30's to the 90's and to the year 2050. The guy who designed this electronic time's eye would have probably had so much to tell but could not because he was in a million year stasis with only his brain working connected to the quantum computer. Strange indeed because he would have computed everything from the beginning of time till today and the end of time and still he needed to work all day doing his best to come up with the perfect pre match and post match combo images so that the losers can live on their past successes and the winners frown of not beating a single record set between then and now. Maybe I should pay them a visit, at their luxury homes at Ganymeade.

My tag line is not very good for my business. I tell a sad story, a very sad word that's turning my customers away. "Aren't you dying to get a real letter?". Like it? "Your grandma, Today!" by Jakobs Silverstein was as dumb as a robot dog by Sony Stellar Corps but then you never knew how many big babies out there miss their past. I wanted to do something different but the big boss wanted something really good so that his summer home in Valley Marines would get finished just in time for his 2oth marriage. But the thing about my deliveries are that we had this sponsor logos neatly packed together with their letters and boxes, so that the kids or their kids would get all this great goodies like the Adidas Star Dust sneakers they could never afford or the latest blow up toys from Playboy together with their thank you card or report card from Planet Earth. Normally a single 20 gram letter would end up weighing a few kilos because of all this guys trying to steal the Christmas. But I dont care. If boss wanted to build a dream house on stilts so that he can bang miss dewi someone from whats left of Indonesia, I don't give a damn. All I want is to go to the edge of the solar system and make people happy receiving their packages.

So the other day I met this time's eye programmer dude whose about to get his body in the freezer for another gazillion years. He programmes something mega big for NASA so that they can look at whats in all those big galaxies far away. I mean where's the fun in watching at something from far away? You have this big ships stranded at the yard not being able to fly because the captain's been asking for a raise. Some million bucks more so that the next time some of the get fried by alien suns, their families back home can afford a summer holiday on the shores of Titan. I, well I'm underpaid like all my previous jobs. But the moment I get into that cockpit and direct the craft towards Jupiter or Pluto or god knows where in the billion strong Ooort cloud, all I could imagine is the faces of children waiting for their Traditional Mail (TM) from earth. It's not a very fun name, but well...what should we call it then? Snail mail? relic mail?

You may wonder who or why people want to write something on papers in 2050. Well, ever since all the real tree's on earth have been turned into chopsticks to feed the 10 billion strong China and all the squids in the oceans has been mined as astronauts (squidonauts) to far away planets, we didn't really have anything to write with. Someone with a great love for ancient stuff (anything 10 years or older) had this big idea of starting a post service to enable the rich kids with their own planet to send written letters to their equally rich spoiled friends at Pluto, etc. So Interstellar Post Inc. salvaged all the papers from every dump on earth, moon and mars and made big money in a million bucks a pop (of mail) service. We still spend more than half of it flying those space ships with plasma rockets with trillion buck fuels. But hey, I'm not complaining. The other day, Mr Onasis from Titan tipped me big and made me stay in his villa near the virgin beaches on that silly moon of Saturn. Silly silly moon...the biggest discovery of our lifetimes, the cradle of earth life and America sold it to this old geezer. Sometimes I wish I was a rebel scientist blasting these buggers out of the universe.

I dont know what I really like in doing this. Im 27, a few light years from my home and life. It's a new feeling everyday seeing this people on the edges of their mind and universe. They're escapists, convicts of time and love. They wanted away from all this. Made their money from the diamond rush of the 21st century, of oil and African slaves. Not to mention the earthquake years and war and nuclear blasts in India and Japan. But those are far away, seems more like dreams today. Somebodies bad dream, somebodies revenge. Delivered an old stamp book and family album to this girl on the asteroid fields of Jupiter. Never asked her what she was doing all this way from home, alone. But did spend a night there, stole her soul for a few hours, days. I don't know, time is relative to some, to everyone else time is the enemy, slowly creeping and killing us. I will be like this always I guess, jumping, sliding from planet to planet, civilizations far away, ringing door bells on homes floating in the gravity wells of Alpha Centuri. For all I care, these people need love. Love and someone to talk to. So I read out their mails, I look at their family albums, videos, whatever they get. Sometimes they just die there, on my lap or while dozing of in the evening sun, their head resting on my shoulder. I would put them on cryofreeze before flying off to my next delivery.

They say on my company motto that postman's never leave behinds traits of love or passions. They bring the biggest joys or sadness, but they never left a warm spot. I did, all these years, with all this people living of their spoils of the century. Digging their shallow ground trying to trace life back to their ancestors and they find me on their doorstep, with a baseball cap and a brown box. Fed-Ex madam, Fed-Ex sir, I brought you your life. Don't forget me forever. I'm alone like you too.

Monday, December 18


It turned out to be a weird weekend. First I read a very very amusing news. I cant believe it, there's probably a million family out there who sacrificed everything for their childrens and we have these clowns winning this accolade. Luckily it was a wacko publication to start with. On a related note, why cant the United Nations pick real people to be its ambassadors of peace, education and health? Why cant the AIDS messages on air depict real sufferers and real hero's who work day and night to make the pain lesser. Tell me, what does David Bechkam or Robbie William know about HIV/ AIDS? These buggers are serial 'bangers' if you know what I mean. Do you have a community hero whose involved in the fight against HIV/ AIDS? Please highlight them in your blog posts or at 2050.

Yesterday was another sad day. I saw this puppy trying to cross the road on my way to dinner. I thought he/ she would have turned back looking at the heavy traffic. On my was back home, I saw it dead. I'm no superman, but I don' have to be one to have compassion or a simple though of getting it of the road the first time I saw it. Life sucks.

Oh yeh...another funny story. What is this world coming to? Two useless tarts, one with children, another is just a low level microbe stealing the limelight for all the wrong reasons. And they are role models for millions of teenage girls. Somebody should do something about this.

I was awake at about 5.35 am (+8 GMT) today when I felt the 30 second tremor. This would be the third time in two years I felt earthquake tremor. Maybe I should be moving out of the apartment soon. Four people died from the quake, centered in Sumatra. This region is very unstable with tremors nearly every month.

My Job contract is ending in 2 weeks. I feel so is though.

Of course the sweet thing about this sour week is that Manchester United lost to the bottom team of the league and Liverpool is on a winning streak with 11 goals in 3 games.

Finally, I am sick. I have a very bad flue, my head weighs a tonne, and I'm high on paracetamol (bet you haven't heard of this before :p) So if I don't post for a few days, its either I got sacked from job, or I got dengue or I'm just being a whinny baby.

Keep it real guys!

[+] The deadline for the short story contest is the 30th December. More contestants have sent in their stories. You can post the stories on your blogs anytime you want. The Contest site will come online in a few days (if I overcome this lazy bout I'm having). Cheers!

Thursday, December 14

Escapism Ejaculations

Something, something...
Tell me something. This I fail to understand. I know everyone has the right to their believes. They can believe anything they want, its their world after all. But what if, their belief is so damn crappy, so immensely stupid, so unbelievably ego centric? What if they're just escaping reality? What do you do then?
(a) Do you shut up and go on with your life, or
(b) Do you stop and knock some sense into them, or
(c) Bang your head on the wall, or
(d) Join in the fun, you might meet some chicks

Fat Donuts and Blogger Beta's wet dream

Okay, we have an issue here. If there is one Dunkin Donut, McD, Burger King, Pizza...etc in every single gas station out there, how the heck am I gonna loose weight! ARghhhhhhhhhhhh...just look at those babies. Man those blueberry stuffing was good! and the Boston Choc...oh....damn!

Do you have an issue with Blogger Beta? I bloody damn hate it (for now). It's just crazy, why bring in all those innovation (tagging, etc) when you cant work on the simplest thing of all, the login id. I cant even comment properly on beta blogs. Unless you let us use the classic sign in to comment on beta site, and give us levy on using the classic software for (ever) we are going to jump to WordPress! They have all the widgets necessary and we don't have to wait for a billion hours till Blogger get out of its beta wet dreams. I don't understand why people want to change something that is already good. Why cant they just add the blogroll widget and the tag widget to the existing coding? Why must you change the whole damn structure and whore out the Google Accounts, to make it compulsory and all? Don't you think that if we have a single sign in for all the Google tools and then some security thing happens and we loose all the password, what will happen next? Tell us Google. For ages we are trying to get out of domination, but now somehow we feel suppressed. Whatever happen to the free world that Google is promising? DON'T KILL BLOGGER CLASSIC!

Okay, whose with me?

[+] [Updated] Disclaimer: I understand the work that must have gone into making the blogger beta, but if it causes problem to even 10% of the blog users, and especially to power users, then what can we do? I have no grudge against Google, they're the best thing on the net now. I'm just voicing my anger over these weeks of frustratingly trying to work things out. They don't even support group blogs. Now, are you satisfied Nayan?
[+] The deadline for the short story contest is now one the DEC 30th just to give time for everyone to send in. I have so far 6 stories with me and with the judges. And yes, if the winners cant figure out what book they want, they'll all be getting Bill Bryson's " A Short History of Nearly Everything", including the special Jury Award Winner.


UKM don shares stage with ex-mentor

KUALA LUMPUR: When he was a little boy, Prof Dr Roslan Abd Shukor had always wanted to be a mechanical engineer.

However, this ambition changed when he met physics teacher Yip Chi Kiong when he was 16 and studying at Sekolah Teknik Tuanku Jaafar in Negri Sembilan.

Yip, then 24, convinced him to make a career in physics and yesterday, the professor with Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia’s School of Applied Physics won the Science and Technology Award at the 13th Malaysia Toray Science Foundation (MTSF) prize presentation ceremony here.

The award was for his work in high-temperature superconductor research which he started in 1989 for his doctorate dissertation.

And to make the event even more memorable, Yip was also present at the event to receive the Science Education Award.

[Continue Reading]

Dr. Roslan was my lecturer back in the univ. For anyone who dreams of going forward in life, exploring the opportunities and discovering the universe, the starting moment would be to find a good teacher. Life is after all about learning. Among the many who influenced my aspirations, Dr.Roslan would be one of them. It's a pity I did not go into Superconductors, the coldpaly of physics, which was Dr.Roslan's specialization. Its such a dynamic and challenging field. But it also takes preservation and determination to master the field. On physics, I still remember during one lecture when he mentioned that in the States, only the students who fail physics would go into Engineering. I think none of my batch mates would ever forget those words. Physics is a mysterious field, many would never understand it, let alone grow to love it. It promises more opportunities than what engineering can offer. It opens more doors. Thats why I love physics, the mystery, the coldplay, the fusion of ideas, the light year of information.

Wednesday, December 13

'Squid-dititis' strikes Astronomy Guy

World famous Skepto-Astronomer, Phil (Dr) has been hit with a rare squid disease that's causing him to walk half naked in the sun and babble something about tentacles and world destruction. So please do him a favor and vote for him at;[2006-WeblogAwards]. Just click on the BAD ASTRONOMY BLOG button. You can vote once every 24 hours till this Friday. Failure to do so might cause him to release a huge amount of gas from Uranus or something like that (A Geek joke, got this from his podcast with Chris Pirillo) . VOTE FOR PHIL! and we can guarantee your astronomy experience would never be a bad one.
[Sponsored by the Bad Astronomy Blog -: Debunking Bad Space Stuff since Creation :- O-Yeh!]

Tuesday, December 12

Storm / Stairs

Sheltering from Heavy Storms,
century spanning storms
trashing the shores, seeping,
digging every crevice
of destiny


Life is like walking on stairs heading into the fog
we take each step, cautious, happy, confident
even depressed we take the next step
but life holds deep mysteries
we would never know when the step ends
when the next step just isn't a step
when it falls into the abyss
just pray that the next step is
a fall into something good
something less painful
somewhere immortal
where memories


Dumb F**k Bollywood

Something, something...
Something beyond comprehension, and yet still going on for years. The Global Indian Film Awards only features Bollywood (Hindi) Movies. What the fuck is wrong with the Indian movie industry? Why are the other languages (Tamil, Telegu, Kannada, Malayalam, Bengali...) sitting, sleeping and not questioning this? Is the Hindi movie industry the only representative of the motion pictures and arts of India? Has all the other cultures and languages in India lost it's dignity? Who gave the right for the Hindi movie posers to carry the title Indian movie festival while all the other true Indian movie industries are not represented? And the stupidest of them all, is the countries hosting these Hindi punks, are they stupid or just ignorant? Of course the locals has been more tempted with exotic p*****s more than anything else. Wish they would evolve some day. The locals that is, not the...

Stupid, plain damn stupid.

Here's the reality: Hindi Antics

Monday, December 11

Fotón 2

as the light finds path in time
time ages forward immortal
dechipering pathways
and vacuums for life
for us
for the


Starbucks Monday!

Ditched work today and am confrencing from Starbucks! Thank heavens for green tea and freelancing.

Friday, December 8


I had this idea
That if I write everything I knew
On this blank page
Maybe they would understand
But then
What will I know tomorrow?

-gp2006-end times-
[-] If only light(s) could talk. Poem inspired by the particle that fights the darkness.

[+] There's another new post below.

End Games

Exactly 3 hours an 45 minutes after sinking my butt on the office chair, I removed my ear phone and stood up only to discover there aren't a soul in the office. Signs of the future?

Logic will tell you that when the tea lady quits, then there must be something really wrong with the company. But more than logic, being in this country and working in a big-Co will certainly tell you its more of a bad management rather than market economics. The reality is here and everywhere people simply want to make money to bridge the social divide. I cant image who lives in those houses advertised for half a million bucks, but yet...maybe I can take the liberty to imagine that they are the opportunist. Those who saw things can be done the easy way, the smart way and money can be made. So they made it and they are driving the Beemer that you always dream of.

2006 taught me many things. Discipline is not one of them. I think work had actually made me an brat. I wanted the money more than anything. Heck who doesnt. And with money comes responsibility and sooner than later the responsibility translated into giving put as much as you relish making it. Signs of time? Nah...its just the pain being the eldest in the family and knowing you are getting old. The constant nagging of getting married, getting a better job, finishing the postgrad. Of course no one asks the dude whats wrong with him with a thought in mind that you cant ever give a solution for that. So teenagers do grow up, sooner or later only to be stuck in a bad gear being a youth in a fugly world bickering about oil and war.
Did I say I dreamed might be true, it is true...the unwritten rules.
So 2006 is coming to an end, and I'm stuck in the same predicament as any end of the year. Last year it was the unfinished thesis, this year it was the job contract ending, and still an unfinished thesis, next year?

Whoever said there is still white left in this world. There is only so much anyone can do to satisfy themselves and everyone else. The finer points of music is that it breaks bonds more than it unifies people. That is when you get really majestic music, the ones that appeal differently to each one. Different tunes, different people, same days. So today you take a white piece of paper and try to draw a dream. Draw anything and try hard not to relate to anything currently existing or happening in this world. I dare you. Cant you see there is no clean slate out there. No liberty of mind because we spend all these days being complacent, being nice.

There is something that parents or anyone don't understand. This world doesn't see a successful marriage anymore. I read somewhere the average married years for American's to be 7 years, but then I think the average marriage years for anyone these days are no more than 2 years. We don't understand each other anymore. Taking the big plunge will surely lead to disaster. Everyone yearns for freedom, marriage curbs that freedom because any one person in the relationship can be overtly controlling the other person. Its for safety they say, bah...its because they madly love each other and they can let go even for a second. Thats true love and that love leads to separation. Sad isn't it. So why should I make the decision to get married knowing danger is awaiting in the future.

So you want to be a Superman and solve the worlds problem. Well you have to start by cleaning up your room. Your life is in a mess, you dog ran away, your girlfriend is shouting girl power in the streets holding placards with some bitches whose definition of girl power is the right to wear miniskirt to temple. I know some of you have read about the stupid laws they have in this country. The mob is up against women. They want to fine them for wearing indecent cloths. Heck, fuck those goat herders. The last time I went to the mall I saw a total of 2 girls wearing something that can be categorized as raunchy. The rest...the rest are just being beautiful. There are something the society don't understand about progress, about going forward. They must be taught something about evolution sooner or later if we don't want to see burqa being compulsory. Hell I don't want my (future) girlfriend to ask me for directions in daylight. You see the problem lies in not being able to voice out smartly. Rights doesn't count in a political society where the noise is made by the same people who are corrupt. Why let the politician shout out false protests when you can take up the arms yourself and fight it. Go to the courts I say and let the world know. Embarass and harass those men who subject you to this gross injustice, we will be here to lend you a hand. The last I checked, a blogger told me the women don't need help from men to come up, but we will be here, just in case you need a driver. Do you get what I mean?

So whats it with this end game blabbering? Well this is not the end of life...this is the end of stupidity and ignorance. Let it be written in history that 2006 is the year we washed away our ignorance, our laziness to face the future. 2007 is a new start, we have some 22 days left. Lets take each day as it comes and erase one bad memory. Yes, we can correct society with a blog post, but hey how about a million posts? A million law suits, a million posts about the stupidity of society. Why not? Do IT!

[+] 4 contestants have sent in their entries. I will update the site by Monday and also post all their stories. Thank you for the big support!

Have a nice weekend.

Thursday, December 7


No this is not a movie's about food.

Managed to last four days without rice till I gobbled up two packets of Nasi Lemak (Fat Rice!!?) this morning. Plus two Roti Canai (Smashed Bread... :P). I'm having a food dilemma here just like Remy, the rat from Ratatoullie. I love good food, love to cook, it's just that I cant. Simple as that, I cant cook properly. There is always something more or less. Either when preparing the dish or when eating it (sigh). Coupled with a tiny problem of being micro over weight...I'm stuck in between lives we can say.

Ever since moving away from home for studies and work, food has been a sad story to say the least. You can never, ever get better food outside of the comfort of the home 'restaurant'. I eat more at home, have specialized dishes not served at any upscale cafe's and still be hungry the next hour. But outside, on the streets, in the malls, there's much to be desired from the eateries.

The student days are dominated by cheap meals, the ones that fits on your daily budget. Despite the lifelong affiliation with instant noodles and bread and jam, there are some moments when good food do come buy. A week or two after the loans comes in, we go on a culinary rampage eating exotic foods that breaks the norms of the dorm (pizza n stuff). Then after the funds has dried up, it's back to noodles and bread, while the classes are dominated with pasta n pizza daydreams.

The increased standards of life (more bucks!!!) during the working days opens up a whole new world of food. Lets name it the international food fight. From the heavenly Swedish Hot Dogs of Ikea, to the ultra spicy noodles of Thailand from Thai Express, to splendid buffet spreads of hotels to the so so menu of TGI Fridays and Chilis, the limit is your credit card. But in the end, you're always left wanting.

The irony of food is that you can never replicate what Jamie Oliver or Floyd does on the travel channel. Heck, I think even they can't replicate their made for TV dishes. The way they just throw in stuff, cunningly evade over doing the recipe and of course masking the real taste with their plastic faces. Those beautiful salads, baked fish or roasted lamb in the middle of the desert. Much to be desired.

Maybe there is more to life than good food. Maybe somewhere along the road there is a message in all this. We are after all hunters and gatherers. So maybe, just maybe I am destined to be a food ghost. Just maybe...the greatest chef in the whole universe...(that is after I become a scientist, an author, a soccer star, a singer...)

[+] Ratatoullie is a Disney/ Pixar collab. The animation will be screened next summer.

[+] 20 bloggers has signed up for the contest so far. Two entries has already been mailed in. Great going guys!

Wednesday, December 6

- the ghost of you - more updates -

There are 16 bloggers who confirmed participation for the ' The Ghost Of You' Short Story Writing Contest. Thats really great! I'm hoping for more! Please spread the news.

'A good story would have an engaging character who are either lost in time or in other words oblivious to the passing time. His/ her character would be able to look at the world aging, but remain immortal forever. In this way, the story would focus on the matter being told, on the time line of the events. This is just an example of how a short story would unravel and be a dynamic masterpiece.'

Monday, December 4

- the ghost of you - Updates -

I am really happy with all the replies and support for the project. Its great that The Ghost Particle Project once again will be contributing something to the blogging revolution. Last year it was the GPP Music Album and this year its the short story writing contest.

Here are some update for the competition. Some things and dates have to be changed due to the scope and also holiday seasons coming ahead.
[-] Deadline is now on the 20th of December 2006

[-] Winners will be announced on the first week of January 2007

[-] Prizes will be shipped on the 2nd week of January (so that I can avoid the Christmas rush. Am also considering Amazon shipping to save the crazy courier charges).

[-] All the stories are to be sent in as a WORD file or a PDF file. Please do indicate some information regarding yourself in the files; your name, blog, e-mail.

[-] You can publish the stories in your own blog (after submission) because it's YOURS! Just link it to the competition post so that more people will know.

[-] There is NO word limit anymore. Normally a short story will be about 2 to 10 pages long. Let your creative juices flow - free.

[-] The stories are to be based on the 9 snaps in the contest call post. But, no worries, I dont want a picture story, just use it to inspire you. No restrictions, just do anything you want, the snaps are simply there to add creativity to your writings. Please do tell me which snap you have chosen.

[-] Multiple entries are allowed, but the time constrains will surely tax the contestants, hence please send in your ultimate best.

[-] Please do spread the word around, I will come out with web buttons for the project soon. Meanwhile you can simply provide a link to the contest post from your blog.

[-] The judges will be the ones who have contributed to the original GPP music project as well various cool people from around the world. If you want to be in the judging process, please shoot me a mail or leave a comment here.

[-] And the most important thing of all, ENJOY WRITING! Be happy about it, think of all the people from around the world who will be submitting and be proud that you are able to dream!

[-] Last but not least, if anyone wants to sponsor stuff, product tie-ins, make money out of this (I'm getting too carried away ;P)... sorry to say, 'we' are not very keen on it. Maybe in the future when the competition gets very big, but not now. I do anyhow accept general announcement of your own contests, projects, and stuff at the Ghost Particle Project space.

Have a nice day friends!

Thursday, November 30

- the ghost of you - year 2 -

[contest announcement!] (updated)

will celebrate its 2nd Anniversary on the 19th of December. So I have this little competition to make the day extra special. Below you will see 9 images with random themes. They might have significance to me, you or anyone. They are not connected to each other but certainly they have something to do with me and what I like. It's all about us Humans and the Universe.

Your task, if you choose to accept it is:
[-] Choose a picture, or any number of pictures from the snaps below and write a short story ( 2 to 10 pages) based on it. It doesn't have to describe solely what the pictures are, just what it means to you.
[-] The story/ stories should be in ENGLISH only.
[-] The story can be of any nature, theme, form. You can roam the world, introduce different cultures, messages, characters, worlds even, but make sure its ORIGINAL!!!
[-] The rights, copyrights of the story will belong to the respective authors and be protected by Creative Commons.
[-] All the stories will be published in this blog: [GhostParticleProject] on the 19th of December 2006.
[-] The stories shall reach me before December 20th 2006 at [admin[@]] or [ghost_particle[@]] .
[-] Send in either a word file or a PDF format together with your name, screen name, blog url OR website url OR E-mail clearly written at the top of the story.
[-] Please also confirm your participation before December the 10th at the latest. This is to ensure I know what to expect in terms of volume and be prepared to handle the stories.
[-] The stories will be judged by a panel of judges from all over the world.
[-] The stories will be judged by their creativity, characterization (honestly, I don't know what that word means, made it up), flow, originality and it's impact. No matter what you write, I will still love you all :p But do make it the most amazing story you ever wrote.

And the carrot...that is the prize: 2 winners will be selected and each will receive A paperback fiction or non-fiction title of their choice mailed to them with no extra cost. Which means you will get the book for FREE right at your doorstep even if you live in Alaska. (2 winners because this is the 2nd anniversary, and it will increase according to the anniversary along the years.)
Here are the snaps:
[1] Cars Dashboard Display
[2] Fried Prawns

[3] My Room!

[4] Slow Shutter Snap of the City

[5] Limestone hill along the Highway

[6] Starbucks Sign

[7] Penang Ferry

[8] Lunch; Chicken Sandwhich

[9] I pimped my cell: Samsung D820


Tuesday, November 28

Silent is the Future for the Cosmological Nomads

Today, I feel very afraid of the future. The consequences of my present actions, the rapid changes around me, the headless charging of the people around me to face an uncertain future. I cant stop wondering what tomorrow might be like, what if I did something different yesterday. I cant stop the flow of time, I cant stand outside the dynamics of the world, I cant make the wrong repent, I cant change anything of tomorrow. My actions and my feelings are just mindless ramblings in the fluid motions of humans, time and the cosmos. I don't tend to be God but for the ability to discern the passage of time, the very direction of us, I am God as you are God. But in between all that, for the ability to predict, for the millions of unexpected outcomes, there comes us with a mortal heart feeling every bit of pain and suffering of people. Their glossy eyes embalmed with tear as they hide their deepest regrets, their love for the ones they care much, they hide the deep void in their chest pressing inside like the ripples of the black hole because they cant change anything.

From the ripples of the heart are released energies stronger that the ripples of gravity fields because we are humans, we know feelings and we cant do anything about it. Helpless and dying every second because among us, they don't listen, they wont change in our direction because everyone has a tiny bit of freedom to seek, to unshackle the morbid chain rings of destiny from imaginary arms and legs. There are they who wont want to be stuck in our time, for they have lost the motivation of me, of you. There are men forbidden from the future, because they were not born in the future. I don't see why the prejudice of the new century must break hearts, seeing silent tears from majestic beauties who gave birth to us, and still we cant do anything.

Silence around me as everyone looked at each other trying to figure an answer. No I did not kill him, God, he lives for a purpose to guide us. No I did not kill him, Einstein, he gave purpose for the purpose. No we did not kill legends because we want to be them, we killed them because we don't want them to become us. We are strange creatures of time, not habit, we are lost in time because we let loose the frozen futures, the tech-no-lo-gy and the science on the unsuspecting masses who were just opening their eyes for that sunrise at the far distant edge of the cosmos.

Silence, once again, silence and she cried. Not this time, no I cant do anything. I'm just a ageless rock. And he cried, and they cried and all I could do is crawl into my cocoon and wrap the particles around me, electrons and protons, and live the silence. I walked away, knowing they would die and nothing could be changed. It has happened, what was supposed to happen because we walked away. Destiny has smiled, I am still hiding. I am afraid of the future.
[+] They cant change anything, however they try, we are not cosmological nomads, we are just lost.

Monday, November 27

Something for Mr.Ghost

[+] I did not kill the cat.

[+] All the single kids in the family, please do tell me how good is your life because I'm starting to hate my brothers.

[+] Had a massive seafood dinner yesterday at the fishing village and only remembered to snap some pics after gobbling up the food. The baked prawn was awesome, drop by sometime and you have a treat waiting! How did your weekend go?

[=] Here is da link to da photo album from da past. [LinkLinkLink] :p

Friday, November 24

Silentium Dei, Centuries

the first lights came alive
a season awakens in its dawn
the younger days of me
and you and the rest of us
as the tiny dews sparkled
grand rich golden diamonds
rays of rainbow from tiny tips
of the tallest grasses among the
fields and the generous rays
flooded the carpets of maroon
grasses discolored such
as in dreams of tomorrow
when we will wake up
for a century of wiseness
of borderless humanscapes
and eternal liberty

the first ships reached orion
humans left earth ages ago
leaving behind dreams of years
and days of carefree
we dared not to defend
the dying earth and failing waters
and winds and fields and rain
the stillborn baby's empty words
just like the dead corpses
strewn along the beaches and rivers
and fading memories of trees
mountains and valleys abandoned
like schools of death after
the great wars and centuries of
atomic visions clouding the
pristine eyes and crimson minds

-gp2006-end days-

[-] The End Days series, celebrating the closure of another year, and the dawning of another uncertain year. Started this with a SF poem.

God Bless Us All.

Greener Bucks

Isn't it ironic that the best drink at Starbucks is the Green Tea!

Thursday, November 23

A Brush History

[update] The toothbrush was found, bruised and broken! My house mate is maintaining his innocence and wanted me to blame the rats, which I have never seen in my apartment. And I have not been drunk enough for the past 27 years to break things. This is truly weird. Gave it a proper send off, now using one of its cousins; B. Rest in peace toothy. Will miss all the fun we have these months...

Ok! This is not funny anymore...WHO took my toothbrush?!!!

Tuesday, November 21

Søren Kierkegaard

I'm bored, as usual, stuck in the office coz its raining! Hence, today we visit the celebrated Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard. He is also credited to be the first existentialism philosophers. Some of his gems;
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards

The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly one you can never have

My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known - no wonder, then, that I return the love

There are, as is known, insects that die in the moment of fertilization. So it is with all joy: life's highest, most splendid moment of enjoyment is accompanied by death.
[+] Soren Wiki

[+] Soren WikiQuote

[+] Existentialism Wiki

Monday, November 20

If I Could Change the World

Segunda-feira Boa friends! Another Monday, another work week starts! Probably...
... you would have faced an insane Monday traffic today on the way to work

... your equally insane boss is breathing down your neck on that report

... had to delete a few thousand spam mail

... accidentally read this crap: 'As a matter of fact, one of the reasons a child gets himself injured is to make his parents realize they have responsibilities for the family' on the Scientology site

... watched pretty boy shorty marry a girl half his age after having a baby, (urghh this orthodox upbringing is killin me!)

... wondered why SAP consultants make monstrous amounts of money doing less than a quarter of the work you do...
STOP wondering! There is a way out of this monotonous cycle of life! Denounce everything today for eternal bliss. Join me on this joyous occasion to celebrate CHOCOLATE CAKES n ICE CREAMS! Yes my good friends, there is nothing more fulfilling that chocolate cakes, no shortcut to happiness but ice creams. What are a few thousand calories for days of carefree fun and frolicking with creamy chocolate and ice cream melting and mingling in a holly union in your mouth! Hallelujah!


Friday, November 17

Rebellions in the Rice Century

No body said life was fair. Nothing of the seconds and minutes, even months and years promise an easy ride.

But some does have it all happening. The bounty that life presents, the opportunity savored to the last drop. Every step they take, their path leads to glory and recognition. They lie their way through life, portraying curves of elegance, appear to control life by its tiny strands of fate and destiny and rewrite history to rival the greatest stories ever told.

Then there are some strangers, the offspring(s) of a political generation, and the lost kids of the war age. They are the enigmatic geniuses, the passionate blind lovers and good friends. They are not so lucky; they don’t have the path cleared for them and extravagant(s) of rice and curry waiting every evening. They don’t face surprises ever often; they live a monotonous existence waiting for that thin silver line on a rainy season.

How these two extremes meet head to head in life could be the greatest mysteries of life.
How they gather and live together, how heart breaks and euphoria mingle and love each other, blind to one another’s pain.

Believe and trusts are the true passions of life. If you hold on to it, till the very last breath your soul will be dignified, your hunger justified to the very crevices of eternity. Every cell in you will be flooded with energy, bursting with love for you have something to live for, and the principles etched deep into you to stand for it. What the rebellions of these two extreme lives don’t tell is how the lost kids never achieve another pivotal point in life, happiness.

What in my opinion the most important step we take in life is when we create that strong bond of friendship, finding soul mates and day light warriors to face the days of certainty and uncertainty. I wanted life to be such, to be filled with thrills of friendship, the kind seen on TV, the kind that everyone lives of sometimes. Why couldn't it happen everyday? We have expectations in life to go forward and do our best, and some are better equipped. Some are in a better position to pull us up, call it their duty, but in reality it’s just another divine contract between two souls to pull each other up while climbing that tall ladder. Every achievement after that are the surprises of life, the vagaries that time prepares for us.

Do tell me, am I dreaming a perfect life? Can’t we expect out friends to hold on, wait for us to catch up? Or even if they have to go ahead, to lend us a helping hand just at the right time because they are wiser in life? Cant we expect that small advice when they see a chance waiting or an opportunity, be it for only one person, because they can gauge who can do it better and then accommodate the other in due time? What do we must really expect then?

The faraway rain clouds seems never to come near. Through the blinder, the rain falls incessantly from a clear sky, but all those are illusions. The mind wants to forget the dark, for what it presumes evil. The heart wants to love the cold breeze. Through the misty jungles as far as the eyes can see, the rain creeps and sways in the turbulent wind, and the windows are covered with mist, with tiny eccentric raindrops carving straight but micro chaotic paths down to the open atria with miniature palm plants and Zen garden stones.

Lightning and thunder, paint grander Van Gogh’s on the northern skies, as the last of the blue birds flies to its now soaked nest covered only by a few strands of leaves. Just like life, nothing grand, always presenting the bare necessities to be used just at the right time. The centuries of rain poured non stop as the paddy fields unfurled on the eastern flat lands. The western hills are covered with staggered boxes of houses looking more and more like limestone hills cut to build some magnificent temple for God's who haven't given their verdict for millions of years. The village stood still in the slates of time and rain.

The rebellion started in the mind of one boy, he grew up in the fields, and he saw the sacrifices of the people to live another day. He saw many excel in learning scriptures and leave the village but he was there picking and choosing through life for the best of everything. He picked the best paddy seeds, planted them then from the rice he sorted the golden ones as provisions for the future. On the southern plains lay thousands of more hills with villages and around them paddy fields and in those communities are boys and girls rebelling against the deceits of time.

Waiting for opportunities to come won’t take us to the next level of life. People are nice to us, but they are not honest. No friend will give up his dearest possessions for another friend in need because the needs and passions of life are more powerful than any camaraderie. The bonds, locked hands and fiery fists in the face of destiny are all masks to fool the sages of fate.

We are responsible to take the next step because it’s our legs that we command. There might be helping hands; great minds of teachers who guide us, but at one point of time you must realize, look around you and you are alone. That's the rebellion of time and age against us. And at that time, the dearest people who you have hoped for this long will feel not obliged to look back at you, or lend a helping hand because a wiser mind will arise that may dawn him or her. That wiser mind is you. You are destined to take over the future, steal the thunder for others because every man is truly an island first, bridges are artificial. The mysteries of life will unravel slowly in time.

But in between this chaotic life, the percolation of words and actions, there are a few good ones. Those who don’t feel threatened by time and the dawn of the new age. I am still waiting for them, for one of them. Have you found yours?

Tuesday, November 14

One For The Road

True alas that you got your freedom. Somebody passed on, and you got your freedom. But how do you justify your life (mis)using this freedom with revelry till the heavens go to sleep. How do you answer the prayers for you, that you change your will, where is your consciousness? Justify this or forever be silenced. Your thoughts doesn't reflect the people you so staunchly protect, because you are just a piece of rubbish like everybody else. Requiem.
[-] Reply ye who feels the fire, or forever be silenced.

Monday, November 13

North Season III

White pearl garlands hung intertwined in black hair, just before it danced trough the rain like it has seen tomorrow, and the hand and fingers raised circulating the light rays, combing through the air collecting particles of luminescence and the feet traces beautiful imaginary images on the wooden floor as the hands clap and eyes sparkle from her smile to them as she turns and turns to create symbolic flower petals through her meticulous movements planned to perfection just days before and now she dances to them as they smile and chatter quietly complimenting of her beauty and she smiled and marvels at their admiration which are more than what anyone would want for the dances are now getting slower and she changes her steps and her arms drops down as she plays with her eyes, creating and singing with her blue diamond eyes which held them in time unmoving mesmerized as she floats above the floor and their imaginations crumpled to defeat seeing how focused she is. A warm breeze came invading from the open window as she continued to float above the floor as if they had not enough of magic she suddenly released rays of light from her fingers as she floats even higher and caught his eyes sitting at one corner of the room peeking silently. She saw much love in those eyes, and immediately all of the spectators disappeared and she came face to face with him and held out her hand. He laughed, still eyes locked to hers as he got up and held her close to him. and his arms now around her hips and her arms over his shoulders as they danced to that solitary music but this time the spectators did not appear. She blanked them out and closed her eyes as he kissed her on the forehead and smelled the jasmine petals on her hair and the invading rays of light stood in unison enveloping them and the windows glowed with changing images of a sun setting, mountains surrounded in mist, birds flying in unison, clouds returning to their homelands and rain dropping in slow motion. The as the day continues she lets go of herself, her will and want to dance is no more and she waits there at the corner of the room gazing out as he hold her arms and plays with his fingers and kisses her neck she turns with her soulful smile and they kissed to the waiting night. For one little moment they kissed then a thousand more moments unfolded as they embraced through the day not knowing the changing season, like the dark forest of wood and withering leave and blossoming flowers and honey bees who come out after a cold winter to find more of everything beautiful and less of something evil, so the masterly humans gave birth to little joys of their imagination and creation. Nothing was missing, with enough pomp and grand celebration marks their dances and illuminates their divine union in the holy house of God when they looked back to remember it was a year back and a day not soon as they don't want to be separate of love. Their touches even a day old would imprison her senses for a year and he would drug his minds into depression for missing her if not for that union and they would make love everyday for days and months and the cold winter passes to the melancholic spring as it as the only time the flowers were much grander than her. So sparkles another soul to life and another life continues.
[-] Traveling the landscape of life and thought. The will of all human is to go forward, to find perfection and to live the life. For one wanting of a love, we are ever willing to sacrifice the dreams of our own to share the dreams of another. So when the solitary girl danced to first the eyes of her parents then to her friends and then to the world, the boy waited patiently.He build his own stage for the spectators but did not actually perform. Then the girl notices the boy and the world melts away, as they fell in love. As one dream ends another was born and their lives continue.
[+] North Season I, North Season II

A Swedish Sunday

(the adventures of lazy thrill seekers on a rainy Sunday with a Swedish babe!)

Had this nice chance of living a Swedish Sunday with my senior and trusted sidekick (or am I his sidekick?!). Started of with a shot of vodka-orange juice for breakfast. (yeh...i'm getting wasteeedddd to often these days). Drove to Ikea for some succulent Swedish Hot Dogs! (that sounded weird...please erase everything from your mind!). While Volvo is a masterclass, I don't like Ikea very much. You have this feeling that the normal furniture stores has better variety and bargaining options. Or it could be that the Ikea store in Malaysia really sucks. One thing thats good about Ikea though is the colors! The furnitures and other materials are vivid and simple, but not enough to rekindle any memories or leave lasting ones. Spent a few hours there separating stuff from China and the rest of the world till we found out nothing much are left after that! I bought some FNISS pen holders (red, white and black) to get the parking coupon stamped for free. Good for that Ikea, I think more local stores should think in the same line. Even Tesco and Carrefour offer free parking. The IKEA Exit Cafe is a heaven for Swedish Hot Dog lovers. All of the 3 restaurants on the store offer a variety of Swedish traditional foods. Pity I cant eat the meatballs, but the hot dog itself is simply superb.

Realized yesterday there are so many good things about Sweden, most notably their babes! Her sleek sultry body, well build features, dressed in her finest makes any outing a memorable one. Not until you drive one...okay I'll stop here. Everyone knows about Volvo! A magnifik Swedish engineering, identifies instantly as being the safest car in the world, the experience is simply out of this world. Have you had a Volvo experience?

Ended the lazy thrill seeking (driving around in the car) with a trip to the central park equivalent of KL, home to the largest covered bird park in da whole wide world; The KL Bird Park. Didn't get to see any birds, it was raining but got this great snap. It's amazing to see how the artificial blend with the organic world. (More snaps in my Flickr)
Closure. So what does Sundays signify? Mostly I spend my Sundays worrying about Monday and the start of the dreaded work week. Honestly its a dreadful feeling thinking that the only truly free day of the week goes past so fast that you'll be back in office staring at the bloody pc in no time. Sundays should be spent remembering things, stuffs that you miss most and things you want to do. Just freak out, don't plan and head NORTH! Thats right, go back to the roots! (or izzit South?). Sundays during school days were routine, my school had a Sunday to Thursday week. So Saturdays were spent watching Saturday Morning Cartoon and making sure the school shoes dries! Not to mention to 'paint' some chalk (school shoe polish) so that the shoe looks pretty at least a few hours on Sunday, just to get through the assembly (before some ass comes and steps on it...arrghhh traumatic memories). As the days goes past, and years eats away your life, these weekend adventures become more official, weddings, festivals, movies and of course sleeping late. Gone are the Sundays, maybe its just the right time to bring back those nostalgic classic Sundays. Lets get back to that true meaning of a Sunday.

How did your Sunday go?

[-] Next week I'm planning a Japanese Sunday. Care to join me? Just pick a country you like and experience a Sunday going to places related to it!.
[+] Yesterday was Remembrance Sunday. God Bless the Lives of everyone who departed in an unjust past for reasons beyond our control.

Thursday, November 9

The History Of The Paddy Field Boy(s)

Received a super tag from Velu sar which is to
[1] Write 8-10 things about your childhood ( 1-12 years) that you miss.
[2] Write 8-10 things that you disliked about your childhood.

Something about history that would never let us go, that would never let us forget and certainly never let us 'go back'. So this is a strange life that we live in, thinking that all the best times have sailed past, every day wishing for that single happy day in school, the day of the first love or the day of the first kiss. And before that, there were only stories, innocent and majestic.

So I powered up the trusty ol' time machine, packed some Lays and Root Beer, got my sweater and went for a trip to the grand 80's...

8 things about my childhood that I miss most...
1. The very first day I gained consciousness. I know this sounds weird, but I can only look back to that one single day that I am aware of being alive and it is clearly in my mind, as I woke up that morning to see the sun beams creep to the walls and floor of the room through the window with metal bars and out side the reflection of the beams on the tree tops and leaves were just as fresh in my mind. And from that day onward I woke up to that very same setting for years to come.

2. My adventures to that lake. When I was 4 years old I went jogging with my dad through this jungle path then we came to a great big lake with white ducks (which ofcourse looked like big swans when you are small!) and hundreds of beautiful lotus flowers. It was like a setting from a movie, I have never seen a place so beautiful like it before. The lake now is in the middle of a housing estate and is not as nearly beautiful as it was back then.

3. On Deepavali mornings I always would wake up at 4 or 5 am to wait for my uncles from the big city. Everyone would be asleep and I would be in the hall along with whatever ghosts around at that time waiting and just waiting to see my cousins. The priceless moments come when they arrive and I dont utter a single word to anyone until they leave a week later. Memories...

4. The mango trees. We had so many mango trees around the house that sometimes I become so sad thinking of the ugly environment we live in now. There was always a tree that I would climb and sit forever watching people pass by the roads around the house, throw young mangoes on the tin roof of the house and wait for grandma to run out scolding me, eat all the unripe mangoes I can and then get this lesions around the mouth because of its highly acidic(?) milk, try to build a tree house and pluck fruits for the neighborhood kids. Nowadays I get the jitters climbing the stairs to my office or apartment...

5. To the Circus School! I did not cry on the first day of school simply because I think I was dumbfounded by the hundreds of kids around me crying, running around, fighting, shouting... The teachers never let parents into the class, during recess or the assembly after our registration and there was all this kids running around acting weird and me being the ultimate shy dude (a ghost particle then itself) would just stand under a tree or at one corner of the buildings and watch people! So came one kid who just beat the hell out of me on my 2nd or 3rd day and after that I brought my grampa to report to the teacher. The boy was canned (when canning was still legal in schools) in front of the class, and from that day onwards till I was in standard 5 the dude still bullied me. Yes, I had a traumatic schooling life but I loved every bit of it because I used to have a small gang with me who would just hang out being guys. We had the most fun the and I wish to relive every moment of it.

6. 'He said he wants to be a scientist'. The first time I saw Beyond 2000 (the science show) on TV with grandpa was a special occasion. All those people talking the language I cant understand and then after the show he would explain to me all those stuff they did. I watched the show religiously for years to come and still do it on the Discovery Network. So one day I asked him a supermost great question, " how does striking a matchstick causes fire?" and he explained more and more stuff that was gibberish then and said the scientist made it (he pronounced 'saai - yan - tea - iis') and the I went around the whole week telling everyone I want to be a scientist. Grandpa would tell everyone who comes to the house that I want to be a scientist. All that was pure magic. Later when I entered secondary school everyone wants to be an engineer or an accountant or a doctor or a lawyer and there were no 'saaiyanteaiss' anymore around. I miss my grandpa alot.

7. The Family. Nearly all my uncles and aunties lived with us in grandpa's huge wooden house last time. It was very nice being the eldest grandson in the family and everyones attention is on me. So anything I do will somehow create immediate fan following from a lot of people because they want my grandpa to know that they are treating me nice. This big family went through everything from marriages to births and deaths together, and I could still remember the laughter and cries. On the days nearing Thaipusam when the whole family will build beautiful Kavadis for my uncles and we will stay at the temple during the festival operating a small food stall and watching the procession together. It brought immense happiness just knowing there are always people around us together not showing their sorrow for a greater purpose of staying as a family. I dont know how else to describe it. People change, now the house is sold and everyone is living far from each other.

8. The sun and the moon. How do we see the world when we are small? Try running around the house to reason day and night, to feel the cold rain and at the same time bath in hot water. Drink hot coffees and wait for the ice-cream man on a bicycle selling what now would be primitive ice cream. The nights that were cold and sleeping with amma or grandma fanning me not knowing how that fan creates 'coldness' or watching the blades of the fan spin and disappear into a single round 'thing'. Electricity, fridges and irons. Then the food which tasted so good, and we feel so content because we are being fed by the hands that raised us that cooked day and night for us. For all the stars in the sky that I peeked at afraid it might fall to the day I stood there for minutes and hours asking questions to grandpa of what it was. It was, everything was me. Our childhood are 'us' because we made everything to be mysterious. Then we touched each of them from the trees to the plants to the lovings eyes of our mothers to know what they were. Then the days we gave name, we met people and we learned how thing works. The days when the sun rises and moon rises are the days of innocence. There are no days of innocence now.
8 things I wished never crossed into the best memories of my childhood...
1. The cane and the hand. I used to be a nice kid, then the solitary path that I choose (not wanting to talk to anyone) caused me to turn into a snob and then a naughty kid who seeks to disturb and destroy more than be nice. (all this when I was 5 years old). So the results are the same every time and the feeling are the same every time that I remember being beaten or slapped because I did something terribly wrong because truly I did not know what I did. That is one thing no parent should do to their children, but there was no other reasoning in the 80's I guess.

2. The circus school monkeys. As I said before school was both nice and painful. It was nicer more, and would have remained so if not for the little pests that made everyones life hard by complaining to the teacher or beating me up. I wish to beat them all up now if I see them again. I dont know...the last I heard one of the denise the menace cousin became a police Inspector! Ahhh...there are so many things that I wish to change!

3. The car and the bike. Some of the moments I dreaded most nearing the end of my primary years were when my wealthier relatives come home and brag about their overseas vacations and how their kids are becoming doctors and such. I hate them so much and I still hate them. Dad had only a bike till I was 16.

4. The red army. My mango tree memories would have been the ultimate adventures if not for the red leaf cutter ants. For the years I was the king of the trees to the days when I stopped climbing trees when I got fat, my only enemies were them bad bad bad ants! I used to have scars on my legs because of them and every time it itches I will be reminded of ants. I was even scared of ants for a while.

5. Tears. Any child who grows up learning things can only take small doses of emotions. I cried alot when I was a kid, I cried for everything from ant bites to bad dreams. There were times I would suddenly wake up at night because of a nightmare and everyone will rush in and I would be so afraid theyll scold me because I went into the jungles again that I would say an insect bite me or I fell from the bed. It was so hard finding the reason even now why I could cry for the smallest perturbations while some deaths will make me a stone.

6. The white walls of good and bad. I was dead afraid of hospitals and clinics. I would run away when they want to take me to the group hospitals for fever or anything. I would hide or make a scene so that they will just leave me alone. Even during the times when we walk past the hospitals I would close my eyes.

7. Ghost Stories. Every time my cousins come back they will bring with them treasures of far away ghost stories. How I envy American kids who talk about sex and girls :p So being the ghost then was not being the brave ghost that is. I would be dead scared of their stories but then walking away from the story telling sessions would be tantamount to hating them. The days when I have the cousins I don't like come would be dreaded days because I cant sleep at night and until I'm 16 I slept with the lights on.

8. Withering Leaves. The one thing I hate most of my childhood is seeing people leave. When I was very very small my great grandpa who gave me my name passed away. I never met him but my grandma said he passed away when I was 1 year old. Then as the years goes past alot of people in my life went through changes that I cant understand and started leaving to chart their own course. As much as I missed the days we were a large family together, those days lasted only until I was 8 or 9. And together with them leaves the memories and legacies. I hate to left wandering who was my real teacher and why I was not able to be the same as I was before, now, to them. The withering leaves takes home more than the rays of light and moonshine, it takes with it the faces of us that once reflected on its glass surfaces.
And that was my list of 8 + 8. Hope you liked it, please do this tag if you want to because it certainly brings back memories warm and nice.


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny