Wednesday, September 28

One Hundred Mystery Particles

The old bus is a city reject. I swerved away narrowly avoiding it just to brake inches behind a parked car. That pretty much sums up my daily bike ride to my university. This ride did feel new but the bus wasn’t. It’s nearly two years now since they recalled all the old mini buses into service and they’re just a disaster waiting to happen. I turned into the long road towards my faculty, lined both sides with green arching trees and beautiful yellow and red flowers that greeted me warmly, momentarily wiping away the gloom of the cloudy grey morning sky. It took me a while to realize nothing much changed in my three weeks of sojourn back home. Of course, as always, there are dozens of young happy faces occasionally turning my way and smiling. Not that they know me, it’s just that wave of sorts that connects everyone, some point in time. It’s magical to think that that same wave connects us on the internet too. I was thinking of a good introduction for the 100th post in this Blog world of mine, and this came into mind. And paying tribute to that interesting novel that I’m reading now, I nicked the first line in the first chapter of the book for the opening of this paragraph.

Talking about souls, do you guys feel ancient sometimes? Ancient in the sense that you feel that you’ve done so many things, gone through many events and experienced many lives around you. Indeed our souls are mountains yet to be conquered. Someday we will all realize our purpose. Our life and lives of the ones around us works in mysterious ways that compliments each other that ultimately enables each and every one of us to endure this unpredictable world and surely things to come. Who would have thought blogging or push button publishing will become a 21st century cultural revolution. As with many revolutions in internet technology, blogs came silently to seize an important role in the dynamic cyber world. Today, we don’t have to write letters or read pen-pal columns to make friends 5000 miles away. Blogs enabled me to make great friends thousands of miles away who inspired me to do things I did not do for years of my life.

We don’t own rainbows, but reading blogs enable us to experience myriads of colors, of personalities, of characters, of love, of hate and most importantly establish our roots in this world. In blogs we learn new languages, we see new faces, we touch magical people and we aspire to be legends. It’s not often that we get to do stuff that we really like to do, but blogging carries so much intensity and momentum that on most days we feel satisfied by posting something new. How interesting it is to read about festivals in India, or birthdays from Spain, of survivor stories from Iraq, of poets and poems from England, of school days from Malaysia, of technology from Japan. How sad we felt reading of disasters in Indonesia, in Sri Lanka and in America. What interesting stories that we discovered of friends migrating to new countries, of some old coffee shops out of nowhere, of music, politics, of science, of sports, of space and most passionately of babies from their mothers.

What dreams may come. Don’t we all like to wake up one day too see all the misery in the world gone. I would be very happy if only half of my misery be taken away. Life is full of adventures and truth. I love being a pretender to forget painful memories. Reading blogs made me discover a lot of people with tragedies and sorrow. Ever so often we read of death and destruction. Maybe we don’t spend enough time realizing we are but humans. We often forget of our responsibilities. We make wrong choices, thinking the next time we will make right ones. Looking back, we realize we made wrong choices all the way. We don’t know where we make mistakes; we just know that it’s wrong when someone else suffers. Understanding someone else’s life enlightens us with truths that we have missions and goals. There are happy people out there who do feel sad sometimes. They are happy because they found the truth. The truths that we are all connected and are all of the same kind. Of the same color and religion. Of the same mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and most importantly friends. We are all one, living in this one world where we can’t undo past mistakes but have the power to prevent new ones. Lets continue to touch and be happy, lets love everyone and let this one revolution called blogging bring us together.

I love to travel. Traveling leads us to discovery. Discovering something makes us appreciate our surroundings. Being able to appreciate and comprehend something ultimately means that we’re in touch with everyone. We are not alone on this planet, and in a strange way also means that were not alone in this universe. Our life and this journey that we take is a never ending sojourn. On a road that’s long and winding with rivers and seas and mountains and deserts and finally we come back to where we started. We travel in circles, it’s a huge circle, we don’t see the other side, but the very first step we take, to the very last influences the fate of everyone else on the same journey. In what we discover along the way, we also have to make choices. Our life is a choice. What we do next is a choice, a choice that affects everyone. What we build in this small world that we call cyberspace is a map. And this map will let the next generation to follow our steps and to learn from our mistakes and build a better future. Not a perfect future, but a future where living is safe and there is less hatred. This is what traveling should be about, that is to discover and teach and live.

Sometimes I ride my bike deep into the eerily cold summer night. Sometimes in the early hours there would be fog and from not to far distances, solitary street lights telling a million stories. While we can be happy and proud to have lots of friends, to have a loving family there is a part of our soul that yearns for silence, solitary dreams and freedom. All this are artifacts of a turbulent past. We grow up learning people and the surrounding. If you remember the tree in your backyard or the dog you once had, that means you miss your past. You need to stop and think. You need a space of your own. You can’t let anyone dictate your free time, that moments of freedom you face the muted world and remember. What is a Blog and why must anyone read your memories, your journeys or feel your life? This mysterious publishing tool reveals your life to the world. Another million readers knows your secret. But why is it deep inside that we want to tell it to everyone. Telling means we are communicating, reaching to the others. In some ways, I write to tell people of what I want in life. You tell stories hoping that someone might have gone through the same in a different manner. You want feedbacks. You want to go to bed content, or happy that others know who you are and that you exist. Being able to communicate means you are alive and you are real. In solitude you find voices and with the luxury of your own spaces and walls you touch others.

****** Point of origin ******

Slowly drifting in this sea of voices, ideas and protest, you arrive to that future you dreamt. You look around; you sit, watch and read. You pick up books, your pluck large red fruits and you eat. Then you sleep. You do the same every day, finding new things and information all the time. This is the world you build with wood and stone and metal. It’s the future all shiny and bright. No pollution and no war. You succeeded. It’s the year 2050. After days and night, you get restless. Where are all the people? You realize that you haven’t traveled anywhere. You circle the huge space with no end. The dream you build is a house with high walls stretching on miles into imaginary distances. You stopped to choose a path and you walk for another day. And then you came to a wall. You climb the wall and you see a familiar space. Familiar maybe because you know the person or spoken to her. You’ve known her for 45 years. She took the same journey with the same goals and dreams. But she wanted her colors so she builds her own space. You hear from a distance the voices of children laughing and singing. You feel happy that another dreamer managed to fulfill this dream. But as you speak and share with her the truth dawns. The world is full of cells. Of small solitary communities, all with their own colors and lives. You forgot faces and voices. But soon you discover that they are your friends too. Is this a failure then? You dreamed of a future that’s free of war and famine. It is a future free of war and famine but no one lives together. In many ways by staying in closed communities, humanity survived wars and famine because they ceased to interact. They build their houses and decorated their spaces and gave birth to children and generations. Unsatisfied and deeply hurt you return to your space. As you sat there under a huge banyan tree you pick up pebbles and throw into the meandering stream. As you gather more and more pebbles, you start to dig a small hole. Then your fingers hit something hard. It’s a flat piece of stone. No it’s a metal and you dig more and clear a large area of the thin soil. It’s an old piece of metal with written words. As you read you grasp the fact that you discovered the foundations of your world. Its just one foundation of many, there must be one for every decade maybe one for every year. So this world is made of past adventures and memories. Memories that doesn’t fade away but stays and haunts everyone. People don’t forget or learn from the past mistakes, they just build on it. The hatred and anger amplified over the years it drove them away from each other. Did you dream of this? Why did this happen, this is not what you wanted.

Maybe its time to rethink because there is a long way and long years towards the future. You can still build that dream world of yours and still be together. Don’t support a broken community struggling to reinvent itself and at the same time build valleys between people. We belong together and own this world together. Don’t make mistakes and make hasty choices that would ruin the future. Think of your children, and the world.

****** The return ******

As I parked my bike and walked up the stairs to my office, I was thinking of this post. What am I going to write for my 100th post? What should be the theme or the topic? What story to tell, who to engage and which group to focus. I unlocked the doors to my office and switched on the lights. The slow hum of electricity excited the fluorescents in milliseconds revealing a small solitary space with books, tables and chairs. I felt segregated and lonely. I'm not sure if this is the life I wanted. When you don’t know what youre doing or whether you heading in the right direction your life is mundane and full of questions. I have some advice for friends who want to continue their studies. Please plan, make sure you have the money to support yourself and pay the fees for at least three years. Choose the right supervisor, not the one who inspires you or motivates you with their hour long speeches, but the ones who are willing to learn with you. And make sure you know what you want to do after completing and graduating. I like to think this as a challenge. When I start my postgraduate studies I would be much more ready, experienced and most importantly happy with what I do.

Of all the journeys I like the ones with pictures the most. Those slides of old black and white photo’s of grey people in front of their grey houses beside the grey tree under a grey sky. Then you dig up more pictures. Of every year of your life and the feeling you get is amazing. You feel happy and sometimes you shed a few tears. Warm droplets floating in frozen time of memories long forgotten. After a few years you find new ones, and it’s in color. And then you remember of that shirt you once had or the silver car you once had. How everything changed. How life today is more colorful and exciting. Now we have cameras snapping split second images of magical moments and instantly embedding it into cyberspace. All these images you gather and collect for years to come. And we share them so that people from far away land can see where we live and what we build. Its images that reveal our explosion of emotions and action. Of the red and black images of war and tragedies. Of blue and green images of nature and the earth and of galaxies floating in heavens. That’s how we connect and share. This is the future, tomorrow is a new world.

I hope to have satisfied everyone who read the whole post. I know Bloggers don’t like to read long posts and there are millions of blogs to choose from to fill your past time. And if you do understand and like what I’ve written please leave a few words or ask questions and say thank you. I would make me a much happier person. Thank you for your kind time. I have a few goals for the next few months before 2006. I need to complete my thesis and plan my next journey along this exciting life. I figured if I write it here I would have the extra motivation to actually doing it. Knowing that my friends know my goals I want to prove that I can. In these short months I would also publish the first chapter of the novel that I’ve been planning all this while. I’ll make it available online by the end of the year and from the feedback would decide what to do next. Everything is a dream waiting to come true. I believe in destiny that was not fated to follow a solitary path. Dreams will come true. After all there are more that four decades for that one dream to come true. And all the others? It’s for anyone to achieve and everyone to admire. Where you want to be in 2050? You start now. You start here with your pen and paper and a few dreams. This is how it is.

[-] The first line of the post is the first line from the first chapter and the last line is the last line of the last chapter of the book Soul Mountain by Gao Xingjian who dreamed a free future and managed to live it.
[-] This post is dedicated to everyone who blogs and who wrote of their lives and invited me into their dreams and showed me the path.
[-] I have an idea of posting 100 differently themed posts for my next 100 posts. Let’s see if I manage to pull this off.
[-] Thank you once again for reading this post and don’t forget to leave a comment here or in my shout box.

[+] I finally uploaded my Vinayagar Chaturthi photo's snapped in Sp. You can visit the webshots gallery here. [Vinayagar-Sp]
[+] I did blog about this site few months back, and since there's about 3 months more left of World Physics celebrations please do visit this blog effort; [Quantum Diaries]
[+] Do you have a few hundred thousand bucks to spare, wanna go to space? Head here; [Virgin Galactic] and also do watch this cool animation of the spaceflight; [VirginSpace], Windows media player needed, it will autoload once you click the link.
[+] Thanx to my buddies Jegan and MJV for dropping by yesterday. Hope MJV will have a safe trip to Turkmenistan in a few weeks. I have his old photos to Europe here; [MJV-Euro].
[-] Thank you very much to Visithra for her post of my Bday. I'm 26 today!


visithra said...

Birthday boy ure getting older - tsh tsh kehlava ;p

intha post nah later vandu padikurehn

Jeevan said...

Came through Visithra Blog. Wish you a Happy Bithday.

Grey Vampire said...

Happy birthday sir.....Neenga 26 aaaa...Naan ungala vada poda nu pesitaen manichudunga.....

Karthik said...

Happy Birthday! And a neat 100th post...

Krish said...

Wish you a very happy Birthday GP!

Intially I didn't want to read the lengthy post. Now I read it as I had time. Great piece of writing - good that I didn't miss it :)

Keep going....

All the very best for ur thesis and your plans!


Kaps said...

Happy birthday GP.

Mike's Drumbeats said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mike's Drumbeats said...

Macha!...It's your birthday! Make it a great one!

I read the whole post and I appreciate your struggle to get your thoughts out--they are complex and deep.

From my personal experience as a student who struggled, I consider my education to be the experiences I lived through while I was going through school, not school itself.

Stick with it and give it your best! Thanks for your leadership and vision!


visithra said...

Congrats on the 100th post

In solitude you find voices and with the luxury of your own spaces and walls you touch others.
--- this is really beautiful ;)

wow beautiful post - good one gp

good luck on the dreams and goals - n the novel

JVC said...

Belated Wishes man!


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny