Hi...I woke up feeling sad today. Nothing changed for weeks. But there are some moments, cherished moments when i feel the whole world is mine. And then back to my depressed self. Sometimes i try to bring back that sweet memories of you and me. Remember the time when we went to the park. That cool yellow evening beside the lake. Kids running around and mothers following, ever watchful of their precious.
Have you ever wondered why some feelings are so vivid and everytime we recall it, its like we're there. Even the touches seem to be real. The lotus in the lake, the kites in the sky. I still remember when that cute little girl gave you a flower. What flower was it? I forgot, maybe because you had a soul much elegant than the flower. I dont know. Sometimes it brings tears when you live back all this. But how to hold back memories or feelings...Decisions have to be made. I think were matured enough to think for ourselves, the time to get away from the secure hold of our parents and our home.
Remember the day you finally came to stay with me. Those days rival the days of the creation itself. The happiest days our lives. Every single moment treasured in time. Those cold nights, beside the amber light, you in my hands. I was cold, so cold, but you gave me the warmth to survive. Success and failure, everything everyone must go through in life. Nothing much to say about that, you were there everytime i feel down, and i assured you i am always there, everywhere everytime, around you, much like the enigmatic atoms. In creation both big and small, the universe, stars and humans.There are always two of everything. Humans do enjoy the same rules. Enjoy... is this the correct words.
Maybe God figured we cant survive alone. Civilizations rise and fall, death and destructions, in the darkest days and sadness nights, there are always another human, mother, father, brothers or sisters, or me and you. Everytime when it seems we're walking in the shadows of the death, there is another soul near or far, always thinking of you. The other day i was cleaning my desk, i came across my much treasured little time capsul. Its a time machine, full of letters. Our letters, letters from my parents and my brothers. When i read the letters it takes me back in time, reassuring me sometimes that we had worse days or better days. Better days to cherish and dreadful days to forget.
Remember the days when even a kiss was not enough. The pain was unbearable. The scar left forever. But the miracle of the Lord that everytime we came back, strived through the tragedy, tragedy of the roses and thorn.Ever wondered why things that we do or experience have much relevance to the past great epics of life. All those made up stories, great literature, excellent naration, beautiful language. I think if books have souls of their own, then all those stories would be justified. You not being here, such emptiness in my life. The place is always cold. I dont even switch on the lights at nights. Only one illumination i remember, one glow, shining my life and my future paths. Those tiring days when we talked for hours about marriage. The nothing can separate us.
Those days we fought often only to fall asleep in each others arm at the end of the day. Remembering those petty arguments. How many children to have, their names... a bigger home, better job, money. All those when we were just stepping into that huge new world. Living by ourselves. Thinking of marriage when our parents had different plans. Grand is the God's design, we were always together. Whatever the design, we will die together. Not now but when we lived our dreams.
The last two years were gray and deep. Beautiful days.Remember that september. The september. Cold, rainy days, some of those rare clear skies with warm yellow showers of sunlight. Each and every second of those days, we spend in fear, in silent tears running from those mesmerizing blue eyes. God's own eyes. Thats what you have. But in those days of agony, we still had moments of laugther and in that moments, a hug or a kiss, was like...something I cant express in words. Then came the day, the moment of truth,maybe we can call it an experiment with truth. That morning, it was raining like the heavens are crashing down. Winds bending trees into beautiful arcs. Just as in the paintings. How do they ever paint those moments, slates in time of events so chaotic. In a few hours we were standing in the registrars office. The feelings undescribable.
You and me, finally, no one will separate us. I figured something as monumental as getting married was worth some fireworks in the sky. But it ended so fast. We had such great friends. But i guess it would have been better if our parents were there. thinking back of the day, that morning. That great picture was missing so many elements. So many souls. Well, they never understood and I wonder if they ever will. But nothing else mattered then. We were legally married. Witnessed by God. Funny that some signatures on papers were so important to legalize a chapter in life. A chapter when you die and erased yesterday, and are reborn to live today, not as a single person but two souls, captured in one electric bond, like the sky and earth itself. Formalities, are the only things that the democracies can be proud of.
-Gp 2003 -
* another experiment with a short story.
* wrote this two years back.