Monday, March 28

My Master's Journey

the red seers in bloom,
prophesize in the ends,
a means to a doom,
my meeting with them will begin.

black mages fight by my side,
and in hopes they always will.
my warriors of a green stride,
they are weak but fight still.

the universal masters,
day dream the disastors.
The astronomers can,
can and will only choose other than.

my blue brother, advisors, and love,
they are part of the battle,
at least they watch from above,
as the day becomes the hassle.

that leaves me,
a position of what to do.
If this comes to an early end,
it means all for you.

-looks good/feels good,
Brian Oglesby

(Divine Interception)

Sunday, March 27

March Love

Silly boys.
Not knowing the river deep,
they kept wadding, anxious,
up and down, up and down,
floating like dead wood,
don't they know love is missing,
in March, love is on leave.

Silly girls.
Why wait at the river banks,
uniform lines of fancy skirts,
shining shimmering silver ribbons,
all lazy under the afternoon sun,
are they blind or deaf, ignorant,
in March, there is no passion.

Silly me.
i swam and drifted too,
from bank to bank till the river end,
one eye wary of the water,
another on the girl(s),
not even a waft of air this afternoon,
this March, there is no love.

- Gp 2005 - 27/03/2005

Saturday, March 26

Times Up 3.0

Here I am
Leaving you
With all my thoughts and memories buried with me
Days of smiles
Days of sorrow
Days of brawl
Days of tear rolling down my face

Here I am
Leaving you
To think about you forever
Moments of happiness
Moments of surprise
Moments of suspense
Moments of tension shaking within me

Here I am
Leaving you
Forever, you to remember me

My time has come
To reach the world of
Peace, which I yearned for long
Here I am
Leaving you

Friday, March 25

Jungle Universes and Master Gods

The majestic eagle soaring through the clouds,
entwined in the fabric of the wind,
momentarily frozen seen through our eyes,
from deep among the emerald jungle floor,
such are natures blessings to this land

in essence there is no difference,
between the wind and river flow,
each suspended miraculously in space,
and in time among sculpted continents,
each foraging onward seeding the future,
seldom resting even to find lost brothers,
such is the history of the blessed land

under the bright sun and cold moon,
as we find our way through the jungle floor,
unknowingly crossing between reality,
and the liberal supernatural dream,
this land continues forward silently,
forgetting moments of pain and happiness,
such are the plans and promises of the land

the jungle universe and master gods of the stars,
sliding together sometimes touching sometimes kissing,
showing no emotion for the lost humans,
no fake tears or warm rain to heal the wound,
except maybe the river flow and the drifting wind,
such are the tools seamlessly replicated by the land

as the sun sets below the western horizon,
attracting the moon over the jungles,
gradually in seconds measuring the lights fading,
soon again we realize we lost our ways
but time and again the master gods of the stars,
replicates another tool for the path,
the tool being moonlight of the evening moon,
such is the reason why were still alive.

- Gp 2005 - 25/03/2005

* this poem describes the bond of humans and the land. How time and again the universe and existence itself creates paths for the humans to move forward in time, slowly building a grand future.

* Jungle Universe means unpredictability as a theme, such as being lost in a jungle while Master Gods are saviours, parts of the universe; such as the river, wind and moon.

Times Up 2.0

crippled in pain,
left to die,
time immaterial,
anymore anywhere,
freedom lost,
dignity tarnished,
expressions halted,

the pain inside,
never stopping,
I will die soon,
cant I be free,
like the bird,
the songbird,
free to fly and sing.

death is an option,
all my sorrows be buried,
somewhere in myself,
to the grave,
I can sense a fight,
the cry of freedom,
from this soul snatchers,
let me go,

I cried silently,
nothing really mattered,
silent rain,
silent tears,
raining down my face,
no one cares,
im trashed,
left dying inside,
sadness consuming me,
one day I will die,
I want it to be today...

- Gp 2005 - 25/03/2005

* the times up (Times Up 1.0, 2.0) series is a friendly challange among the contributors to come up with versions of poems with the same title and loosely written under the same theme. New series will be aired from time to time.

Girl From Chennai

under the night sky
embraced by the sacred moon
tiny speckles of rain
melting on the skin
melting the heart together
bonds of art and love

girl from Chennai
eternity should not mean forever
your journeys will remain
with you, and in moments me,
our 'payanam' together
navigating this electric timescapes,

forward the future,
runaway from the past,
painting our skies red,
and all colours divine
a beautiful coincidence,
this gathering forms a Trinity

- Gp 2005 - 24/03/2005

* A welcoming tribute to the latest member of HumanUniverse, ETERNITY from chennai. I refer to her as the Girl from Chennai.
* The word 'Payanam" means Journey in Tamil.
* Now there are three of us on this journey through time and space, we form a Trinity.

Wednesday, March 23


Something today
something to think
something of timescapes
something of space and time

with all the vastness of the universe
the flotilla of stars and novas
dense gaseous nebula birthplace of suns
magnificent galaxies,
and mysterious dark forces
immortal protons and violent black holes
the armageddon of asteroids and moons
exclusive planets with amazing souls
unimaginable time-space continuum
future and past the same,
in any direction of time
a solitude existence among,
a billion bubble universes
infite sea of nothingness and vacuum
infinity being God of no explanation
this universe is too grand,
to be created by some God
and how to explain life of quantum then
and dice playing legends of physics
we see tonight in the sky of stars,
not God or religion but evolution.

something to think
something of timescapes
something of loneliness
something insignificant

This Universe is Alive.
Religion is Dead.
God is Dead.
Were Gods of our Destiny.
We are Alive.
Tempus Fugit.

something of timescapes
something of humans
something of life
something accomplished

- Gp 2005 – 22/3/2005

* timescapes explain the space+time, some sort of time entangled with space creating scapes of time (such like landscapes are made of land and nature). the word cant be found in dictionaries. and certainly I did not create it, there are multiple appearances of it in science fiction stories.

* protons are not exactly immortal, research are going on the 'beta-decay' phenomena that could prove that even protons would eventually decay. Lucky us for the half life of proton is long, very very long. So we cant yet watch our friend melt away into secondary particles once in a while :p

* 'Tempus Fugit' (Latin) means 'time flies', tempus meaning time, fugit meaning running, fugitive. Sometimes termed as the fugitives of time. First saw the phrase in the X-files series.

* this work describes the beautiful mysterious universe, and us, how we fit in, our purpose, are we observers? are we puppets of God? or are we just alive, unique and amazing. Something to think about.

Times Up 1.0

With distance comes hope
With time there will coma a road
The road isn't forked, it's parted 6 ways
You could walk forever, a month, a day
What more could you want?
A life on the run?
Your day in court?
Your last moment of fun?
These thins aren't important, not even for show
Find a loved one, please let them know:
"I leave tomorrow, it's best I go."
Live until there is no tomorrow
Learn to know...
Your life is a journey...
It's best you go
Don't fear the distance, nor even the time
Don't narrow your search, it'll limit your find
Looking back is forbidden
It will make you late
You don't have forever
He set a date
Look for the one
who writes in the sand
Trust what's written not by the length in than,
Rather for the one who wrote it:
The creator's hand
-folicles of hair,
Brian Oglesby

Upturned Animus

she is the world,
inside her own.
crying at night,
she must think she's alone.

for what it's worth,
she'll think herself poor.
she'll call it a night,
but think some more.

she knows of that feeling,
alone in a crowd.
She makes herself fly,
but only in fear of the ground.

I think she wants,
but so scared to try.
I told her before,
"the world passes by."

"it's best not to expect,
in my world it's so true,"
she'd say with that sense,
it's nothing new.

she's a good friend,
but confuses the self.
it's not what others say,
rather something felt.

I want her in my life,
if only she'll stay.
I'll like to think,
we'll make each other's day.

if I could explain,
to her with a smile;
that she meant more,
she's worth the while.

the lonely find company,
it's what makes them complete.
and today I'll find her,
it'll be sweet.

-to a friend,
Brian Oglesby

(Divine Interception)

Monday, March 21

Paradise Interrupted

eternal night embraces the land far
I refused to open my eyes, memories
once every few minutes the soft song
of cold winds and sensual breeze
touches me and hugging the soul, love
still my eyes closed, opening it never
I’m afraid this dream will be lost
but not fear, this dream is true, living

Light echoes from a hill near
to the eyes, timeframes of seconds
what romantic feel it brings,
while for the seafarers distant
the guiding light of life atop a hill
the tall white lighthouse, searching
maybe once in the future, our destiny
standing solitary on this world, forever
we will remain searching, lost histories

that day, then this eight year old ran,
danced, shouted to the sky, passion
the sun slowly sets drowning the sky
depriving every fragment of light, strings
once I heard of paradise, could this be?
everyday, heartbeats counting, exploring
this giant island, warm blue sea
forests alive with green and mouse deer’s
streams tiny winding through valleys
villages with bonfires, voices and songs floating
immaculate yellow evenings, fishermen lands
bringing bounty from the sea, endless

one day I woke up to an evil ballad
from near, a sound drifting, in the wind
I ran barefoot, yards away, destruction
metal beast eating every green to be seen
could this be over so soon, my paradise
selfish, this is paradise to all
hidden away east of the Indian ocean
not today, not anymore ever after this
day after day, for years to come, dead
this once land of history and little boys
dying, slowly, only painted beaches remain

this is a destiny, not for the mankind,
this history will be erased, forever
the masters of this land, this world,
will seek revenge, maybe soon
when all man drowned, by sea or land
they will know, nature knows no forgiveness
neither does it favors political man
nor racial man or cultural man,
this nation rotting, and the islands
destroyed, paradise interrupted, sudden
Langkawi lost...

- Gp 2005 - 21/03/2005

Ghost Tags:

State Of Deafferentation

it is another time,
in another part of the world.
in the universe,
we look back into time.

the people on the other side,
they do things that we'll do,
they work, live, and love.
the same things we'll do,
in an hour or two

I've become dependant,
on this human plain.
this existence,
it should mean more.

I think I've found the answer,
it was found far away,
almost a different galaxy.
it prides me to say in some way,
that I'll lie my head there one day.

if God has answers,
I can only pray:
that me being human,
won't be my crime.

he told me that I meant more,
as all people do,
and that I'll be fine;
just follow him and I'll be lead through,
and I'll meet with her and you.

I may die,
on this trip I take.
it's the price we all pay,
for a gift this great.

-Time to shift,
Brian Oglesby

(Divine Interception)

Friday, March 18

Death is Beautiful

Retracing love, years gone by
Silent soft wind, embracing cold skin
Liquid night, flowing sensual, almost
Strings vibrating, melodies actually
Golden touches, piercing memories
What music, makes me remember this
if not the music of passion, elegy
notes in blood, voices of death.

Dancing lilies, under the moonlight
satin fabrics, not real, not a lie
From afar, a mysterious glow
light, the enemy of night, crawling
Traces of wild, green leaves black
Now and forever night, death grips
Waiting eternity, but not moonlight
only mortal souls, and immortal gods.

-Gp 2005- 18/3/2005

* we live our life fearing death, but not knowing that death in essence is beautiful. Delivering us from the slow desolate life, the sadistic touch of each second, reminding us that were insignificant. Death is a gift to us from Time, itself sacrificing by carrying our burden.

* Wrote this under immense pain. Yes, my depression's back, again, been having this more regularly these days. Sometimes it makes me think what physical pain really is, when the pain of depression is much more, slowly eating, crippling the spirit. Its as if, our soul laid bare on a flat surface and we watch and feel as it slowly crumbles and fade bit by bit and we cant do anything about it. Each inch of the soul severed slowly, with a sharp knife, dripping blood means nothing, its only colour, numb in our eyes.

*Sometimes I feel my heart skipping a beat, once every couple of seconds, don't know which skip will be fatal, but hope there is a reprieve for me from the valley of death, just for a while. I have many dreams, hopes to achieve, but this pain, halting time, just never stops eating me. Im forcing my fingers to type. Forcing my brain to think, spell words, forcing my eyes to read, stay alive.

* We truly are mortal in every sense of the word. We truly belong to the night. Only God can be immortal; someone needs to bury us and remember us, and hes the only one left later, after. In death the only beauty we see is the dark. During death the only company we have is the moonlight. We hear the music that carries us slowly towards the end. And on the way, slowly, our memories are erased. You can almost feel the pain when each moment is erased forever, but then when we die do we remember? Guess the creator knows better, he watched before, many more pain.

- Rest in Peace. Anbe Sivam. -

Separation and/ or Difference

nights and bright days, separated subtly
leaves and flowers, by colour and beauty
water and ice, by flow and temperature
sun and the moon, by fire and legends
Sundays and Wednesdays, by freedom and pressure
boys and girls, by genetics and affection
children and adults, by years gone and gained
sleep and awake, by silence and purpose
stories and poetry, by images and passion
books and movies, by words and sound
rain and drought, by clouds and need
love and hate, by touch and blood
life and death, by hopes lost and found
you and me, by distance, never difference

-Gp 2005- 18/3/2005-

Tuesday, March 15

Human Resources+Universal Waste

a woman sat her bag down in front of me

she asked me to keep watch on it until she came back
I did what she said
until she came back

I noticed a girl,
staring in the window
I thought about me,
only looking out

it came to me,
the universe,
in a thought

I thought that,
molecules pass on their weight,
to the others,
who pass it back

I thought that,
there are molecules looking in,
while the others view out

it came to me that,
no matter how vast the universe,
or small we are,
we resemble each other...

that's who we are

-It pays to work,

Brian Oglesby

Monday, March 14

Street Child

on the streets of light
lived with failing might
one hungry boy and a girl
in a cold damp corner and a will

up high in the house
near a warm fire with a cause
one man with a white paper
wrote a story of a child proper

two souls from worlds far apart
one lived on, another depart
left the girl and the white story
long black night and a girl hungry

the white story wrote
a child in paradise
as the black night swallowed
a nameless boy died, the girl cried

this street child on a cold night
deserved a paradise or a fight
that white story child loved more
the other street child ended sore


a boy and a girl
born to a mother like pearl
the newborns knows not more
than maybe the mothers love

as the mother with children in hand
savors the cold water of the land
one white greed and hate
plans day and night their fate

one day the green hills and blue skies
turns dark with rain and clouds
from hell came the machines of war
death and destruction near and far

and when the mother awakes
not from slumber but bomb quakes
her time slips from her today
slowly snatching her children away


this street child’s story
sings in ears but not merry
one mothers burden and pain
stabs deep in our souls and vein

all our love and passion
to live without separation
one girl wishing her mothers womb
the boy lay dead without a tomb

in a world with gray days
wander mothers with end ways
from a world with a sky blue
sympathy from hands not true

white men with cold blood
don’t stop when all children culled
what greed drives your nation
death and the streets our consolation


remember the story of the street child
the one who died and his sister cried
its a true story in many streets
you and me and mothers left in weeps

and that white story the man wrote
its for the country of the blue people
who wants to watch the world burn
while the street children forgotten in the urn

white story man separate countries
the black night child dies centuries
so two child, one white one black
one in paradise the other on deaths stack

you and me and the century men
watch from afar children burn
the powers of voice silenced
by a white story we so wanted


one season in the night or day
the street child will come our way
our son, daughter, brother and sister
trapped in a century deadly sinister

come man and woman of lost souls
my pain in the hearts the same as yours
reclaim the lives of our times
want not one day our child lives on dimes

this century of blood and death
let not it be the white stories catch
the only blood that flows
will be the ones of true loves'

come street child of mine
a name will I give you to rhyme
today you will be my true child
a boy and a girl, a story told

-Gp 2005- 14/03/2005-

* Street Child concerns the future of today's children. How wars ravaged lives and countries, how men's greed can destroy humanity. Wars doesn't particularly portray military politics, but so do wars within us.
* The colours in this poem attributes to no particular person or race. Today, anyone can fit in this slate, this 'role', this elegy. The mention of white and black, either as a story or child or man is to describe two extreme differences, black and white being at extreme opposites. Greed, lust or hate doesn't choose colours, it can develop in anyone. In our fast life today, we fail to stop and take charge of our destiny. We love to dream the destiny of material, not knowing that our relationships are failing, our loves are lost and our children further pushed into their own world void of feelings.
* Most of my writings are experimental scribbling, still finding the right form. But sometimes I think I am matured enough in my description of real world problems, of love, pain and sorrow.My dreams are not of a material future, my dreams are of friendship, love and family. Something that I lost and gained and keep on loosing many times. But I live on, in knowing that my troubles are not great compared to the children on the streets of Africa, Asia and South America who sleeps without shelter or food. Of mothers unable to feed their children, of countries deprived of life.
* Sometimes we think tragedy brings us together, how we helped the victims of the tsunami, how the whole world hand in hand send food and money to them. But we fail to realize that for decades, on any normal day, children and women die on the streets, abused, in famine, killed. Many of us know, many dont, how our economic and material needs, in some strange connection continues to deprive the lives of peoples in countries far away from us, how a few signatures on white papers dump chemical, dangerous medicine and tainted food in Africa. How our need and greed of brand names forces hundred of millions of children in Asia labor in factories, when they should be in schools. How political superpowers 'buy' and fund the death politics of third world countries. How long will we shut our ears, and eyes to this?

October Sky

Millennia ago
I had this rocket dream
As the skies enchanted me
I wanted to reach stars, constelations

Decades ago
I made the dream come true
On a Red October night
Sputnik blazed space, the heavens

A thousand Blue men labored
As the world in silence gazing
Apollo leaped to the sky, and moon

I still have the rocket dream
Passion and science
Our future in space, ad infinitum

I will live on
Together with my dreamers
We touched other suns, lightspeed souls

-Gp 2005- 13/03/2005-

*October Sky is a message to the future. And also, a tribute to the rocket dream.

*October Sky is also the title of a movie made to chronicle the life of Homer Hickam Jr, who on the day of the launch of Sputnik-1, also on an October in 1957, ispired to build his own rocket. Its a truly inspiring movie about him, his friends and the whole town. He went on to become an engineer in NASA and trained Shuttle Astronauts, despite being raised in a coal mine township.

God Save The Team

We all need a little company. That's what my other blog (Divine Interception) is about. It's a place where friends can write about their struggles and rewards from life. Ghost Particle invited me to Human+Universe because I invited him to my blog. And I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I'm glad for the invite, and I'll do my best to inspire on this blog as well.

-I wish everyone an amazing adventure of a day,

Sunday, March 13


as we reason straight
we don’t find any solutions great
even when the walls gay in paint
we run around looking quaint

my friend he said
day and night are long dead
all men reason in greed
my point indeed

so we gathered all great men
not forgetting all wise women
here we are hand in hand all ten
our view sideways there and then

the world looked faint sideways
as we tried looking both ways
found answers and reasons numerous
for problems painfully countless

in essence this is the world
today its hot tomorrow its cold
when we go with the flow so bold
we might die for reasons untold

but if we reason in patience
all the answers lie in tolerance
our mind focused in persistence
with sideways we find acceptance

- Gp 2005 - 11/03/2005

* Just wrote this for fun. another experiment with forms, but it does
not fully follow any format and is not serious enough I guess. And its definitely not a tribute to the movie 'Sideways', but hopefully I'll get to watch it soon.

* Made up of six verses, it starts with a conformist view of the world
and slowly realizing the problems not solved, even after life being
made transparent and modern. Quoting from an advice of a friend, 'days
and nights are dead' refers to the loss of obvious reasoning and
greed prevails. looking sideways is a metaphor for changing our views
of the world, how we treat people and problems. And definitely, it
helped find solutions. And true to reality, days are not predictable,
life is chaotic, so being a conformist, is a grave choice. The final
verse summarizes the need to be patient in our views, and relationships with others and only our sincere determination will lead us to peace.

* For some strange reasons my inspirations come exactly around 2am
everyday, and last till about 4am, so I’m guessing that if i write a
form of poetry per day, ill get a book published by the end of the
year. What say you Fred? Mark? Vini?

Thursday, March 10

In Time, Sintra

In time, Sintra
northwest from me miles away
across the seas and mountains
where generations and civilizations
battled war forged peace in crimson tides
journeys grand on airships so giant
enchanted with love of endless space
I went there one winter night
swift on air sailing past light

northeast by sea leagues apart
islands and ocean trenches
galleons with sailors mighty
voyage so grand weeks and days
Sintra high on cliffs above
majestic Atlantic embracing forever
conversations drifting on wind
Fred and me brothers in arm

Winter nights envy of stars
Sagittarius and Andromeda sails past
airships and galleons, seas and space
mountains and islands, ocean trenches
airmen and sailors, you and me
wine and music, friends and family
hugs and kisses, bonds of love
beautiful memories the winter stole...

* a tribute of love to my friend, brother and teacher, Fred Lessing from Sintra, Portugal. may one day we meet and talk the night away, on a winter night near a warm fire, with friends and family and some excellent wine.

-Gp 2005- March 10th, 2am -

Wednesday, March 9

Love Letter Expired

a graceful beauty from far away
touched my heart once unseen
today i want you more than ever
time and distance shadows on screen

lights on towers guiding from afar
glow of your eyes a tresure trove
watching and admiring hopeful in heart
will you fulfill my desire of love

enchanting music fills the night
your arms dancing embracing divine
mesmerizing the angels silently watching
memories forever in colorful shine

from the four walls of my prison
my mind wanders the four corners of earth
our bold dreams mirror the ancient rivers
forging bonds of such love from birth


*yet another experiment with some different peom formats. If poems are supposed to be creative art then why do they need a format or rules? cant figure most of the things in life. Originally this poem was titled 'A tamil Love' but cant fit the word tamil in there...will update it sometime later...

December Fireflies Revisited

E T E R N I T Y said...

fireflies talking their feelings out
either being happy or sad
they are emitting the same out
with all our dreams in our mind
and the days we were together
seeing our life beyond...
though we are not together now...
sweet memories will stay long
lets be happy it happened
and not sad it ended

*this reply was written by a blogger friend Vini for my poem December Fireflies. Her blogs are: PAYANAM and ETERNITY. Its a beautiful reply, thought to make it as a post.

Tuesday, March 8


I’ve watched the movie Constantine again today, for the second time this week actually. For one thing, this is a good adaptation of a comic book series in the past few years. Many others just didn’t make it. Hellboy, The Punisher just to name a few were somewhat average flicks, boasted by good CGI. And to an extend since most movies look good on a giant screen it doesn’t matter much to moviegoers. It’s when you come home and think about it does it hit you, in many different angles, on how the movie or the story is just not worth watching in the first place. Back to the story of Constantine, I don’t know how many times Hollywood have cashed in a good versus evil, God versus the Devil movie but they always succeed. And not forgetting it’s not only the west, Asian movie makers have dabbled with God flicks since the beginning. For most of the time, generations of movie makers just accepted it as a lesson on how God would have done it, or on how when we believe in the One, evil can be destroyed. Constantine was told stylishly, and the best parts were when the archangels and Lucifer himself were depicted in a classic movie style...maybe taken straight from the comics. Enough said, Hollywood have no match.

How would the general public have accepted the movie and how would the religious community accept it? I guess just about the same with any religious movie, with anger and protest. We just have to accept that how ever clean a God movie is done, how ever accurate the story of the Bible or any other religion is told, it won’t sink in well with everyone. I’m not a Christian. I can give you a hundred reasons how my religion is better than any other. But I too can tell how my religion is wrong in many ways. At the root, religion teaches the good versus evil concept. The ‘versus’ part is artificial in my opinion. God have always been compassionate, He’s the same to everyone regardless of good or evil. No one is born evil; it’s the person’s surroundings that brought him up so. Its how we pay for what bad we did while we live is important rather than promising hell at the end of life.

Now to another extreme, why can’t religion be another of humans’ creation? The creative brain that works out relativity, forces of the universe and beautiful art, would in little time come up with a grand story of a greater power. That greater power today commands more money and offering than being directed towards poverty or the eradication of diseases. Where did we go wrong? We spend too much time refining our worship rather than give religion a back seat. It would have been a great service to the society if we have realized that being human and forging love would have created a better world rather than building our temples and throwing stones at the others with the same hand.

After a while we arrive to the question of if there is no God, how did this universe come about. That one question of how have no answers. For the same reason the question of why we exist have no answer. We don’t have to ask those questions. We can live well enough without them. Maybe the root of religion is love itself. Being connected with nature and other organisms motivated us to paint a colorful picture of the other person as great. The respect for the next person, the other human is what religion is all about. Its how we continue to pursue that love and dream that matters today and tomorrow. Much blood has been spilled in the name of God, and it’s not sacrifice. Much sorrow in the hearts of mothers, but its not divine love. We just need to live as what the other person wants us to be. To be a loving and caring person. Everything else will just fall into place. And no I’m no atheist. I believe in a creator, I’m just presenting a different idea on how the creator would be. When we see beyond differences, we experience unity. I just wont accept the concept of the other person be created by a different God when at the heart we are all the same.

‘Who sees the variety and not the unity, wanders from death to death’ – Katha Upanishad.

Sunday, March 6

Evening Sun

golden sky glowing intensely
tiny birds cruising in streams
paper kites riding the wind, silently
nameless clouds tracing patterns
on a green land with running children
thin pillars of sunlight piercing violently
an evening sun drowning me in dreams

one long string yard after yard
at the end of it a red paper kite
small fingers holding thight
untold joy in her wide eyes
invisible heart beating fast, nervous
childrens running, playing, happy cries

from far north over the hills
above the trees in many shades of green
one single bright blue light curls
magnificent display on heavens screen
slates in time of events so chaotic
my evening sun soon to be insignificant
in short minutes raindrops on my palms
another dream for some other time


* 06032005, a few hours ago, from my apartment balcony

Saturday, March 5

Saturdays Lost and Found

The Battle is Lost...

...and yes, every bit of hope that we had, were lost too. Yesterday the lab was closed down. It was 28 months ago when we embarked in this journey of friendship and science. Glorify physics, follow the footprints of legends. We had this unofficial suffix - The UKM Theoretical Physics Group. And in October 2003 it was known as The CosmicCode Group. Its like the secret societies that we formed when we were small, those exciting adventures in our backyard. Today the game is different, the backyard is the universe. We were the pioneers of The CosmicCode Project. GhostP, Greg, Rafle, RLan, Mark, Blenster and Fred. Words cant imagine what we felt today morning, Greg and myself are 'home'less now. The lab meant so much to us, its our control center. We had access to the whole world. We made friends, we connected and we had the CosmicCode.

We can only wonder on how the administration decides which research project is important, which is money making and why on earth don’t they respect theoretical pursuits. For a 3rd world dream, its is useless if we kept on buying technologies from other countries and slapping our name on it. We are The second-hand country.

Then there is this race and religion issue. After decades of independence and after ushering in this grand 21st century, its everyone’s hope that at least this cancer of minds and feelings would not interfere in education, work and elsewhere. But it does and it did in an ugly way. Whatever rules and segregation practiced only hurts the capability of this country as a whole. No one single person benefits except the politicians.

...The War will be won.

...and again, when the ball stopped rolling and the players stood dejected, comes lifelines. Lifelines in the form of words, acts and friends. What inspires us today will forever change lives around the world. One single act of compassion, love thousands of miles apart will one day help more people. One day every person who had that dream to learn science, research, invent will not suffer without money or tools. One day everyone will be supported by the CosmicCode Group.

The CosmicCode Project

The project had a very humble beginning with only 10 members nearly 2 years ago. Today we have 300+ members and friends from around the world. Its a huge leap and our aspirations would be answered in history. We had so many memorable topics, discussions and we shared a lot of our life. And we don’t stop here; we're continuing to improve, provide more information and make this world a smaller place. By the end of 2005, we hope to have at least 1000 members and realize the cosmiccode dream. The dream to spread the language of science, to live the world of peace and art. One day, this group along with many others who shares the dreams of future humanity will connect continents and lives.

The Weatherman and the Land

Its been nearly 2 months since it rained. The land is dry, there's bush fires everywhere, the water level at the dam's are dangerously low and its wont rain for another 2 months if the meteorologists are right. 6 forest reserves are on fire, the Fire Department 'giant' Russian helicopters are working hard 24 hours a day to put out the fire but the haze is unbearable. Its cold at nights, but still no rain. And I don’t know what to call those 10 minutes shower from heaven we have from time to time. Maybe someone 'up' these spilled some water...
Sometimes you feel that everyone needs to be more positive. Why cant the weatherman just comes out today and says it will rain tomorrow. Knowing it won’t, wouldn’t it be nice if everyone played along. And tomorrow it wont rain, but at least we had that psychological understanding. And then tomorrow evening the weatherman comes on again and says sorry, the clouds were blown away, and the cycle continues. At least we won’t feel so depressed.

Of Jackfruits and Fate

Just when it couldn’t get any worst, a huge jackfruit rolled down the hill and 'hit' me when i was passing by. The monster was nearly 30 pounds and it caused significant damage to my bike. There I was thinking I’ve seen it all, cruising silently on my bike along the road when I sad something rolling down the hill, and when I should have stopped, I never paid attention and went on. And the rest is history. Maybe its fate, maybe this year, month or week were supposed to be bad, depressing. And the fruit was not even ripe! The green monster just stood the in the middle of the road, laughing at me, maybe its revenge. I love fried jackfruits. People even use it to cook curries and other dishes here. Fred, you should definitely try one of these babies. Get the ripe ones, the smell will clear the town.

Bank Deposit Machines

I deposited my apartment rent yesterday, MYR 400, its about USD 100 and its expensive considering I'm not even working. And this could be the earliest date ever of me depositing the rent since 2 years I’m staying here. And, no good news here, yes, I seem to have the affinity for troubles and bad luck. I keyed in the acc number, put the money in the slot and waited. And waited. And... after about 3 minutes, the message came out " Transaction Timed Out". But the statement receipt printed out saying that I've deposited 400 buck to that account with a huge message printed at the bottom saying "Transaction Timed Out, Please Contact The Bank".

Any sane guy, would have hanged around there to see what else the machine does (remember the money is in the machine, but the cash deposited compartment is closed tight). I waited for about 30 seconds and left. It was 10 pm at night, so no bank and no officers. When I reached home, I realized what if the next guy who comes in to deposit money finds that Santa Claus here left him 400 bucks. I made someone happy yesterday. Just pray with me and for me, that it was my house-owner. We shall know the answer in a few days. I hate life.

Of cyber cafés and Broadband Internet

I am in a cyber café now that I have lost the lab. No more free internet (it’s not free if you consider that I have paid USD 2000 in course fees). But now I have to pay for it and its USD 1 to 2 per hour!!! That’s definitely not good. I can only use it for about 2 to 3 hours per week if I wish to eat some decent food for the next month. It would cost USD 10 - 15 per month if I want to access the internet from the cyber cafe for about 8 - 10 hours per month.

And the connection is not any great either. I don’t understand why they call it broadband internet when the service fluctuates every 10 minutes and every hour or so, the connection dies. Doesn’t broadband connection, personal IP add, single accounts, dedicated server means we get 24 hour connectivity?! And why on earth do we DIAL into a broadband DSL or ADSL connection. That’s the weirdest part. DIAL is for dialups. And even the home users are not spared. The local broadband connection is alive for about 3 days per week. And don’t hope any speedy takes around 3 to 4 weeks for any help to arrive. Long live Telco monopolies (hope you all burn in Hell, thank you). Would it be nice if every have our own nano-satellites...

Onions, potatoes and garlic

My mom packed me these huge packets of onion, potato and garlic for me before I came back here. And then there was rice and all sorts of spices and stuff. Starting today (or tomorrow) I would cook all my food. No more restaurants and cold food. It’s all me and da kitchen. (Kitchen is a sink, a fridge and an electric rice cooker which I use to cook everything!).

Warning: DON’T eat oats with garlic!!!

So, what can I cook with onion and garlic’s? I can’t cook curry because it’s too much mess; I just need some simple recipes on fried rice, or some bread and salad and stuff. Fred and Mark...I need help! I can’t cook anything 'big' with my rice-cooker.

Cheap (fake?!) Wines

My friends dropped by last week and bought me this USD 2 wine. Its from a local brewery and its called the Pelican Mild Wine. 6% alcohol. Its from the local 7-11 store. And it sucks. But hey, beggars cant except for anything better. To get a decent bottle of red wine from California or the Bordeaux regions I need about USD 50 to 100. And Fred tells me good wines are USD 1 (yeh one buck!) in Portugal! Life is cruel.

Au Revoir le monami, la femme ...(pardon de'spelling)

I’m in wine country mode. I’m dreaming stuff, can anyone please ship me some wine without getting into trouble with the Customs. Ok comrades, good bye for now, will post in a few days. Please keep the comments coming in!!! I need them; I’m depressed so make me happy. It’s your moral right. Oui?!

Amour (love?),

Wednesday, March 2

End of a particles journey...

End of a particles journey...

Its been 17 months since I've started the CosmicCode Project. Its been a hell of a ride. Great topics, good discussions, invaluable experience, irreplaceble partnerships, I cant stop admiring the group. Its a dream come true that one day in 2003, and the dream never died 'till today and never will.

But some events revolving my 'professional' life just seem to signal the end for this journey. I just cant find any better solution. For the past 2 years I have been a research student with no research grant, no permanant job and no source of income. I have been sharing this PC (without permission from the faculty authorities) to access the net and updating my various groups, blogs and emails. But the faculty have decided to dismantle this lab for the last time. No more internet, no more PC and God-forbid, I'm back to square one. My research still havent finished, my thesis is on hold and my financials are just the same. Not that I'm complaining about my poor-man researcher life, I do believe there are many physicists, scientist and researchers out there with the same predicament.

I have done a rough calculation and came to a summary that I need about Malaysian Ringgit (RM) 5000 which is equal to 1,315.79 USD =1,004.07 EUR = 137,970.69 JPY = 57,430.68 INR = 688.813 GBP (got carried away with the currency converter) to get myself a decent laptop or notebook configured with internet apps and stuff and also get myself an internet subscription until the end of the year. For a 3rd world country, that is a HUGE ammount. So much have been said about this great emerging south asian countries (im in one), the budget they put forth for education and etc, and still to this point we arrive. Scientist here have to go through hell to even secure a small grant, let alone finish a 2 year research.

And then there is this race and religion factor. Cant say more...its stupid, plain and simple.

The total living cost for 2 whole years for a research student such as me is MYR 25,000 for a single person which is equal to 6,578.00 USD and the course fee is USD 2000 inclusive of everything. So what can a person do, if he doesnt have a research grant, cant source a part time job since the MSc course is taking the whole day and night and there is like 80,000 graduates unemployed searching for the same thing you are.

I realized this could also be the last time im posting from this PC and the last time possibly im going to listen to my favourite from Cyndie Lauper - "Time After Time" online.

So guys and girls, if i dont come online often, please still bring your friends to the CosmicCode group to share and discuss, talk, make friends, break the political border around us and be apart of the great journey. At any cost, I will not let this dream die, this group will continue, we have great moderators and excellent members. Our website will be realized very soon and we will contribute to the world of science. I will get access to the internet from time to time, but no promises, no more regularity.

With Love,
Ghost Particle


it rains around the world sleep welcomes the dream, and  enigmatic souls awaken along the eternal shores of destiny